Fellow student=back stabbed?

[esrun77]

So I'm a nursing student and I recently interviewed for a CNA position at a local hospital. The department director told me she was going to send me on to a peer interview because she planned on hiring me as long as the peer interview went well. The peer interview consisted of one RN and one CNA--who is a fellow nursing student and who I happen to have a minor history with--asking me questions. The interview went smoothly. And I didn't get the job. I won't get into what has gone on with "Lisa" and I, but as an example: my instructor once responded to Lisa's making fun of another student's compliment towards me by saying, "Everything is always about Lisa, isn't it?"

Anyways, if this job isn't what God intended for me, fine. Lisa had first dibs as she already worked there--whatever, I get it. My worry is that Lisa is going to say bad things about me to other students or even faculty behind my back. I don't want my reputation to be wrecked for Lisa not liking me for whatever reason it may be--I actually thought, despite her occasional passive aggressive jabs, that we were at least somewhat friends. How am I supposed to act around her and to our mutual friends about her? I don't want to allow her to damage my reputation but I also want to avoid drama.

[NotAllWhoWandeRN, ASN, RN]

Allegations, judgments and labels were not made. I presented my story and conflict management was actually my question, but thanks for your reiteration.

First, don't consider someone a friend if their behavior is "snobby" and "passive aggressive." On the other hand, if you thought you were "somewhat friends," I'm not sure why you believe she is the reason you didn't get the job.

Regardless, the professional way to behave is not to engage with her. Don't talk about her to other classmates, don't argue with her when she's being rude. Just move on, and be glad that you're going to get hired at a place where you won't have to cross paths with her.

[brillohead, ADN, RN]

Also, learn the definition of "passive-aggressive" before you use the phrase.

You'll do better in your psych-nursing class if you know what the phrase actually means.

[esrun77]

I took psych nursing last semester and got an A, but thanks anyway!

[CanadianAbroad]

What is with some of these snarky responses. The OP is asking for help on how to proceed with school and her career. No where did the OP ask for snide remarks and criticism.

I would take caution with your classmate. Just the energy around this is bad. If she is the reason you were not hired, her manipulation will come back to haunt her. She more than likely is worried you would take a future position from her. Usually when you tech, you are offered positions on your own unit post graduation. She more than likely is fearful you would replace her. My advice, be friendly but cautious. In the end, she will regret this when her own actions come to bite her in the butt.

[applesxoranges, BSN, RN]

To be fair, they may have decided to go with a different candidate like someone who was in the hospital or had more experience. They may have picked someone in a different semester since 2 CNAs graduating at the same time can cause more issues for the unit than them being spaced out.

[Helloeverybody]

I think you should move on, and keep your guard up a bit around Lisa. The best way to respond to people like Lisa is with a professional manner, such as "It would be nice to use a different tone of voice", "Is there someone or something that is making you angry resulting in your actions?", or "I really think communicating with a classmate and team member, should be done in a more polite and professional way." Don't ignore her if she says something negative to you in front of a group, it doesn't show that you are a bigger person, it will only encourage her, especially if she has done this repeatedly. In my opinion, a bigger person is someone who would confront Lisa, in a polite way, and try as much as you can to control your emotions, while explaining to her that she can be more polite, and more professional towards you, especially in a group/class/professional setting. The overt professionalism usually takes people like Lisa by surprise. Try it, and be ready to forgive Lisa. That is the most important part of reacting to someone's snide remarks or bad attitude, when you approach them with the window of forgiveness wide open, yet making sure they are held accountable for their remarks, the words will just flow.

[psu_213, BSN, RN]

possibly jeopardizing our somewhat friendship

Are you talking about Lisa? I find this bizarre. You said she makes passive aggressive statements and think that she backstabbed you, yet you want to maintain a "somewhat" friendship? It makes me think that there is something else going on in this dynamic that you are not letting on.

As others have mentioned, you have no proof that Lisa is the reason you did not get the job. Maybe the RN in the interview told the NM that she felt something did not feel right. I have been in interviews where the NM has said "good," done a lot of head nodding and smiling, and seemed to say I would get an offer soon...yet no offer came. I seems quite paranoid your part to assume that Lisa is the reason you did not get a job.

Anyway, that is water under the bridge now--don't let it influence your behavior around Lisa, other classmates, etc. In the future, interact with Lisa in class, clinicals, lab, etc. only when necessary. If you think she is a backstabber, etc., keep your distance and keep interactions professional. If you do, your classmates and your instructors will see you as a future professional, and they will see she is the "smaller" person.

[chacha82, ADN, BSN]

Just keep it moving. Smile, say hello. Let YOUR actions speak for themselves. Do not gossip about her and if someone is classless enough to bring it up to you, just smile and say, "It just didn't work out." If you say anything at all. People often think less of our own struggles than we imagine. As long as you aren't doing anything to fuel the fire, people won't think anything of it at all. As my parents told me, "Get out there and show some class!"

[FolksBtrippin, BSN, RN]

If the shoe was on the other foot, and you had the job, and Lisa was interviewing would you feel like lisa would be a good fit given your history?

I'm going to guess that you probably wouldn't feel like lisa would be a good fit. Maybe professionally she is a decent person, however the two of you don't .get along that well and so it would be better to hire a different candidate.

If you were in this position, and made the decision not to hire Lisa it wouldn't be unprofessional of you to do so. It would be a very reasonable and human decision.

I think it is best if you look at it this way. It isn't as though Lisa is in a position to ruin your life. There's a better job out there for you. Don't worry about lisa anymore, study hard and get the job you want.

[joleneliddell]

I don't know how to say this without sounding harsh but if I were the RN at the peer review and had noticed the tension between you and Lisa, I wouldn't have advocated for hiring you. This is truly nothing personal, it's nothing against you at all. Think about it from a patient care standpoint, CNA work is heavily dependant upon solid communication skills and teamwork. That said, the pettiness may become an issue in the workplace. Lisa may make a snide comment about you to a fellow co-worker who asks you about it and you become so distracted and anxious that you unintentionally allow your patient to fall. The patient ends up splitting their head open on the floor and dies. While this is a dramatic scenario it illustrates how drama puts patients at risk, your license is at risk, the nurse that vouched for you has a license at risk, your nurse manager is at risk, and the facility itself is at risk. Why risk potential problems when someone else would mesh better with the team from day 1? The nurse stood up for you, yes, but upon reflection I guaranteed she acknowledged the tension and poor matchup between you and Lisa.

That said, I'd still confront Lisa in a professional manner- so that your professional relationship may be repaired and something like this doesn't happen again. It's hard to give real advice without knowing the entire situation but you could say something along the lines of "hey Lisa, I was glad to have that peer-interview with you; even though I didn't end up getting the job, thanks for being supportive. Maybe one day the shoe will be on the other foot haha (insert smile). I just wanted to smooth things over- sometimes I feel a little tension or hostility between us (or maybe it's just in my head idk). For clarity, is there something wrong or are there any problems on your end?". I feel like initiating a conversation along those lines would be being the bigger person.