Feeling patronized by "older" nurses

[Tortoiseshell]

I have worked as an LPN for 3 years, and recently started a new job as an RN at the hospital. I had a wonderful and supportive preceptor, and most of the nurses I work with are supportive and great to work with. Unfortunately there are nurses who are trying to act superior just because they have more experience.

For example, there is one resource nurse who comes to our unit once in a while to help out.

One time I was getting a new patient, and when the patient arrived I went to the room to see and assess the patient. The resource nurse was already in the room, and the moment I came through the door she immediately said to me: "Can you get a pair of socks for me?". The nurse's server was right in the room, just a few steps away from her, yet she had to ask me to get them. I haven't even had a chance to introduce myself to the patient, and for me it is important time to begin establishing rapport with the patient. These types of situations happened with the same nurse on several occasions. Another time I was hanging IV fluids and she came into the room "to help". She took patient's vitals and said to me:"I will let you write them down". She saw that my hands were full of IV bags and supplies, and I had to put everything down to document the vitals. This was more disruptive than helpful. If she had time to take vitals, she could have written them down herself, or let me take vitals when I had time to do it.

Another time I couldn't figure out how to disconnect some equipment, apparently I was not pushing the button hard enough. She came to me to explain how to do it, and I got it, but she kept repeating the same thing over and over slowly and loudly as if I was stupid or hard of hearing. (yes, I was not born in US, and I speak with an accent, but I am not stupid!).

When she is on the unit, I feel that she watches me closely and waiting for the chance to patronize me. I feel intimidated by her, and feel like I am walking on eggshells. It appeared to me that the resource nurse likes to be in control of the situation, to take over and to tell others what to do and when to do it. I like learning from others and never hesitate to ask questions if I don't know something, but I don't like to be talked down to or be bossed around. Being a new nurse does not mean being "less". I am very intelligent, empathetic, a quick learner, pay attention to detail, and have great work ethics. Being a new nurse I have caught serious errors made by "experienced" nurses from previous shift, such a diabetic patient not receiving prescribed insulin for BG 330, MD not notified (according to our policy, MD must be notified for BG >300). I believe no matter if you are a "new" nurse or "old" nurse, people should show respect for each other, and especially in front of our patients.

Has anyone ever felt the same way?

I am asking that only positive people with good attitude reply to my post.

[netglow, ASN, RN]

IMHO, you should just tell her exactly what you are telling us. Sometimes if you present someone like that with cause and effect of their behavior, their own behavior is quite stunning to them.

I am not too patient with people like that. I am also older, and I expect a lot from those my age in the way of maturity. If you are over 40, it is time to have "your (you know what)" together in how you deal with co-workers. If I was on my best behavior I might add that she has some great tips that are appreciated, but that I need to get my own system in place.

[meluhn]

I have dealt with people like this. Sometimes you can make a joke but at the same time let them know that you are perfectly capable of doing whatever it is you are doing. If that doesn't work you have to be more direct and maybe say aomething like,"Really, I'm ok with this" or "I can take it from here" or "Maybe there is somebody who needs your help". She has chosen you to demonstrate her nursing prowess because you are new and/or young. You need to be assertive without being nasty or confrontational:D.

[Straydandelion]

Not liking much confrontation unless absolutely necessary, I would just set your priorities and stick with them no matter how intimidating someone can be... sometimes you can still learn from them though I fully understand how difficult this personality can be. As some examples: When she asks you to get socks..your first priority was to see and talk to your patient. Let her know you will be happy to after assessing your patient and point out where she can find them if didn't want to wait, then proceed to talk to your patient. Vital signs: chuckle and let her know you have your hands full but thank her for taking, if you don't remember later, you will just take them again or she is welcome to write them down. The "repeat as if you're an idiot" simply nod "yes, I understood you the first time and thank you for that information". If it gets worse, or nothing helps I guess I would eventually confront her by asking if she had a problem with me or the work I do, yet would save as a last resort. *shrugs*

[morte, LPN, LVN]

if she tries that "taking the vitals, but you can write them" cr%p again, smile sweetly and tell her to write them on scrap paper and leave them on table....or where ever........she is pushing you .....push back a little

[moonischasingme1]

Ugh! Yes, I have very similar experiences with one nurse in particular. I feel your pain.

[Mandylou]

Eww, I know what you mean! There is one nurse at work that treats me that way and it really gets under my skin. It makes me feel like she is undermining me in front of my patients. Most of the time the info she is "teaching" me in front of the patients is either wrong or I am fully aware of.

Once I was hooking up Buck's traction and she totally took it away from me and said, "No you do it this way." That really angered me because I was doing it the right way. I walked out of the room and walked right back in when she walked out to fix her mistakes. She left the weight hanging against the bed frame. I know I know, I need to confront her instead of checking for mistakes but I am a chicken. So take advice from the chicken stand up for yourself in a kind but firm way. :)

Best of luck.

[PrettyPrisonNurse31]

Unfortunately, there are Nurses like that everywhere. Thats why they say Nurses eat their young.

When I see a "Newbie" with the deer in the headlights looks, I go over to her in My Southern accent and say "Come on gurl lets get this done so we can go have our break before Dr.Cannotpronouncehisname comes and writes us a bunch of orders!" For the most part, that works and they do not feel stupid and allow me to assist them. It makes them feel like we are a team.

New Nurses make a lot of mistakes because they are so afraid to ask questions, for fear of feeling stupid. There is one Hospital where I live that votes on their "Resource Nurse". They are selected by their peers. They come and give you their opinion and help you with your situation. If there is one complaint of a Nurse being condesending towards someone, then its back to the good ol cart for them.

I try to help the New ones as much as possible, because I remember when I was fresh out of Nursing School afraid to give Insulin.

[Batman24]

You just needs to start setting some new boundaries for yourself and it doesn't have to be done in an aggressive way. If your hands are full state as much and tell her you will take the vitals or she can write them down. If someone asks for socks say you will after you introduce yourself and assess your patient. If you establish some control most will back off. If you keep dropping everything and doing as they ask it will never change.

[Nascar nurse, ASN, RN]

It sounds like a bully to me. I agree with the poster that said sometimes you can kind of joke around, but still get your point across to back off. Sometimes that does work. Other times you have to push a little harder (and it is tough to do). You may have to have a face to face with her (with a witness/manager present) "Hey what am I doing that is causing you to treat me like this".

Good luck. From your post, you sound like the kind of nurse we would all love to work with so don't let one person bring you down.

[walk6miles]

I am an oldie (but, I promise, a goodie) and I see your side of it too. I wish you could take her aside and let her know how you feel....sometimes that works, sometimes, it makes it worse......if she takes it personally, you will need to go up a rung on the "ladder" and see if someone else can help you with orientation.

Hopefully, you will find a nurse who will be there in your corner....sometimes, the preceptor/resource nurse, etc. is someone who does a good job but is not interested in really helping new nurses learn. I still cringe when I see our famous night nurse "I won't take charge, but I will keep an eye on you and make you crazy".... even her co-workers don't like her nasty habits. I joke with her that the ABC's of nursing are "airway - breathing - circulation" NOT "airway - bathtime- circus"! You see, she insists that all of her patients (including any of her orientees patients) are bathed. This means (I swear to God) pull off the blankets, awaken the patient, dump a tub of water on the patient and scrub....I am not lying about her ritual....many, many complaints.

Now, back to older nurse cutting off new or younger nurse: I see it and am embarrassed; sometimes, you just have to bully back the bully -it works!

Be confident in your new skills and knowledge, but never so sure that you cannot ask for help no matter how small you think the issue is.

Hope this helps.....

[Blee O'Myacin, BSN, RN]

Bullies thrive on fear and back down right at the first push back. Assert yourself plainly and show no fear. Pretend that they are talking to someone else and you are sticking up for a friend if taking that first assertive step is difficult. Advocate for yourself in the same way you advocate for your patients. Good luck.