father is dying of cancer

renerian, BSN, RN · Jan 4, 2004

I am so sorry. I know it is heartbreaking. Both my parents are deceased. My dad died of pancreatic ca. Hugs and gwenith is right people can hear many times when we think they cannot.

Prayers and hugs,

renerian

RNKPCE · Jan 4, 2004

Actually BarbPick we did have hospice. He found out he was terminal Jan 22nd, hospice was involved as of the 24th. They were good at providing material things such as a hospital bed, commode, oxygen, wheelchair. We were visited by the social worker and nurse. He was started on oral morphine etc. They also provided an aide to come in and bath my dad 3 times a week, but that wasn't enough. When your dad is getting up and down to the commode 6 times an hour and your back is killing you there in no one there to help. Where they live or with his insurance which was Kaiser they didn't have a hospice facility. We called hospice Saturday night Feb 1st saying we needed respite because my dad was impacted, I was giving him enemas, trying to remove the impaction myself and my dad was getting up 6 times an hour. We had to wait til 2p then next day before an ambulance came to take him to the acute hospital for respite. We got phone calls but not til the 10 on Sunday morning but no one from hospice came out. Not all hospice agencies are the same and some are overworked like other nursing area. My dad passed away Feb 8th less than 3 weeks after he was diagnosed as terminal. I miss him terribly but it was a blessing his suffering wasn't too long.

But Heather not all hospice situations are like mine. When my friends dad died she had hospice but was able to hire round the clock help, despite the help she was there some 12 hours a day helping the helper as her dad was a big man and hard to turn etc alone. He was able to be at home til the end and was aware of his surrounding til the day he died.

I am sorry for what you are going through, remember to take care of yourself too.

RN~in~CT · Jan 4, 2004

{{{{Heather}}}} I am so sorry. Keeping you and your Dad in my prayers.

Chaya, ASN, RN · Jan 4, 2004

Heather:

So sorry for what you are going through; I just went through this with my Dad a few months ago. My Dad lived alone so being the sibling living closest, also the one with a medical background, I was the one who coordinated his care. We did have a few weeks notice so he was able to get some of his affairs together. He was also able to go home with homecare for a short time, and both these things made it easier for him to feel at peace and to let go, which made it easier for me too. He had more weakness than pain at the end, and for him also, the end came faster than I expected.

Most of the hospice care around here is in-home but a 24-hour care-giver is required. I did not live with my Dad so this was not possible. He had the help of a homemaker, HHA and some visits from the VNA nurse but there were gaps in care. I came about every other day while he could still get around a little to shop for food, do laundry and try to set things up for him. At the very end he was bedbound and was in an inpatient hospice for a short time. (For this, the medical portion is covered but room and board is about $250. per night out of pocket.) It was so tough to go through this with him; the only thing I can say is I'm glad I could be there for him and I felt closer to him for doing it, so-

just be there; he knows you are there and can hear you and feel your love.

Peace-

Chaya

Dave ARNP · Jan 5, 2004

Heather,

I know we've never spoken before, but I just wanted to saw how sorry I am that you are being put in this position. My prayers are certainly with you and your family.

I honestly think if you help keep him comfortable (and this may not be possible, but just letting him know you are there is a HUGE beneift) and letting him die with a little dignity...well, in my book you've given him one of the greatest gifts a child can give a parent.

I will certainly be mentioning you and yours in my prayers.

Best wishes,

Dave

heatherbless · Jan 5, 2004

To all of you, thanks for all of your responses--the hardest part is seeing my dad when he is so sick and uncomfortable. I will keep your words to heart and keep you posted. Thanks again and I will let you know--I just want him to not have to suffer anymore.

Best, hty/

heatherbless · Feb 15, 2004

My father passed away/he is in heaven now and I am glad that he does not have to suffer anymore. Compassion is everything/hty.

nursemary9, BSN, RN · Feb 15, 2004

Dear Heather,

I am so sorry for your loss. I just noticed this thread tonite or I would have written sooner.

My Dad passed away 11 yrs. ago from Primary Liver Cancer. It is so hard to watch. I am an Oncology Nurse, so I knew what was coming & sometimes this only made things worse.

I firmly believe that our loved ones know when we are there and know how much we care and feel.

You and your family will in my prayers!

After all this time, I still think about my dad every day and still miss him every day!

renerian, BSN, RN · Feb 15, 2004

I am sorry your father passed away. I remember the pain. My dad was on hospice and they had no one to send for a bath, a nurse only came two times a week, no volunteers, no respite. They did not have enough staff.

renerian

jnette, ASN, EMT-I · Feb 15, 2004

So very, very sorry Heatherbless.

Extending most heartfelt condolensces.

Tweety, BSN, RN · Feb 15, 2004

I'm sorry. My sincere condolences.

Chaya, ASN, RN · Feb 15, 2004

Thanks for letting us know, Heather- you've been in my thoughts. Take care of you, now.

Chaya