father is dying of cancer

Erin RN · Jan 4, 2004

I have not lost a parent yet but I know one day it will happen. I am soo sorry Heather. I have worked oncolocgy nursing and most of the patients were "gone" before their physical body was. Again, I am sorry for you..Erin

gwenith, BSN, RN · Jan 4, 2004

((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))) so sorry for you. remember hearing is the last thing to b affected and so he will hear you even if he cannot respond - be there hold his hand and talk to him.

BBFRN, BSN, PhD · Jan 4, 2004

Heather-

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I agree with Gwenith- keep talking to him and telling him how much you love him. Say everything you ever wanted to say to him- now's the time. Not only did this help me when my grandfather was passing ( I worshipped him), but I did get s response from him at times- if only a weak smile or hand squeeze. It felt better knowing he left the world knowing just how much he had impacted my life, and how deeply I loved him.

I'll keep you and your father in my prayers.

jnette, ASN, EMT-I · Jan 4, 2004

(((((HUGS))))) Heather.

So very sorry. Just know that being there with him by his side, touching him, means EVERYTHING.

barefootlady, ADN, RN · Jan 4, 2004

I have lost both of my parents, it is an emotional experience that will tare at your soul for a long time. Keep being there as much as you can for your father. He will hear you and feel your kind and caring touch. It will mean a lot to your peace of mind when he has passed that you could do this for him.

I am very sorry that you are loosing your Dad. Make sure you have a picture of him as the Dad you remember. I don't have that many pictures of my Mom and it hurts to think of all of the good times we had and did not capture them on film.

Please come to the BB often and allow us to offer you support as we can. I will pray for you and your Dad.

LilgirlRN, ADN, RN · Jan 4, 2004

((((((((((((((((((Heather))))))))))))))))))))

BarbPick · Jan 4, 2004

Talk about feeling helpless. Heather they say the last thing to go is hearing. Just tell your dad you love him, that is all he wants and needs. I will keep you in my thioughts and prayers

Barbara

RNKPCE · Jan 4, 2004

Went through this last Feb with my dad. It was the hardest time of my life. The last week still seems like something out of a bad dream. My dad had lung ca with mets to his brain. The last week he had no short term memory and it was like looking into a strangers eyes. Where his tumors in brain were he had no patience or sense of judgment. It became too hard to care for him at home(I lived out of town but even I was worn out taking care of him his last night at home). He went to the acute hospital for respite care and ulitmately had to be placed in a nsg home.

Someone I volunteered to tell him he had to go to a nsg home and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. The next day he forgot the whole conversation, I couldn't tell him a second time. My mom did.

He was transferred to the nsg home on a Thursday and passed away on Saturday morning.

As the year anniversary of his death approaches I look back and see how rough a year it was. I then had to deal with mom her had severe anxiety and depression, she is since better.

I read once the memories of the happy times become stronger after a person's death and the difficult times( like the week before he died) go more to the back burner. I believe this to be true. Thankfully.

Dixen81 · Jan 4, 2004

My heart goes out to you, Heather. Like the others said, be with him and tell him how much you love him. I know the helpless feeling you have, for I lost my dad in a similar situation. But I stayed with him, and even though he couldn't respond, he knew I was there. I thank God for that. I will remember both of you in my prayers. :kiss

BarbPick · Jan 4, 2004

Reading Batmik's story just reminded me statistically Nurses are the last people to turn ot Hospice for their loved ones.

People are eligable for hospice in most cases if the patient has six months or less to live. They take care of everything.

My mom called them in for may dad and he was taken to a beautiful facility with a bedroom atomsphere, not nursing home like in this unit.

Just a reminder........

Carleigh · Jan 4, 2004

Heather, I want to add my sympathy as well for what you are going through. My dad had lung cancer with mets to the liver and died Thanksgiving Day a yr. ago. It is such a difficult thing to have to experience. Take good care of yourself, find someone you can talk openly to and tell your Dad how much you love him and what he has meant to you in your life. My dad was my buddy and I will miss him always. I hated seeing him suffer and he so much wanted to live. God bless you and your father.