Families (May Be Offensive)

[nurseygrrl]

I have a patient with a pilonidal cust on her sacrum. It has gotten quite a bit larger since her admission due to her total non-compliance with treatments, diet, fluid restriction, and pressure relief. Yesterday, it was noted to have a swollen area around it and when she was examined by the doc, he noted excessive purulent drainage escaping the area upon application of pressure. He concluded that it was infected and he started her on ABT.

Today, this woman's husband, who is in his 40's comes in for a visit. He goes down the hallway to her room and after a few minutes I hear them arguing. His voice becomes louder and louder and then I hear him mumbling under his breath while he is walking toward me at the nurse's station. He says (I am quoting and if you are easily offended stop reading here!), 'What's going on with my wife's a**?' I say, 'Sir, why don't you discuss that with your wife once your mood has improved.' Now, his wife is wheeling down the hall toward me yelling at him to keep quiet. He then says 'My wife has a big hole in her a**, are you aware of this?' Keep in mind he is yelling...kind of bellowing. I tell him I am going to call my supervisor. He then yells 'I don't need the f***ing supervisor! My wife has a hole in her a**!! Am I supposed to f*** it?! Do you want me to put my d*** in it?!' I was FLABBERGASTED!! What is wrong with people! Now, I have him yelling like a moron, his wife crying, me standing there in shock and some other staff and residents right there with me listening to this crap!

In the end, I called the supervisor who appeased him as is done these days due to the 'customer is always right' attitude that now exists in healthcare. He told my supervisor that I told him to quiet down and that I wasn't going to tolerate his behavior. He told her that I asked him to leave (I did do all of the above) and later she tells me I shouldn't have said any of that. She told me he has a right to complain! WHAT?!?!?!?!? Yes, he has a right to complain, but I have rights too! So do the other residents! I sure wish things would turn around. Sometimes I feel that this profession is too much.

Thanks for listening, I feel a little better now...:)

[imenid37]

Sorry, I don't care what this guy's issues were. He should've been removed by security and a police report filed. That's what the supervisor should've done when she came on the scene, not applied the "brown lipstick." He had no right to rant at you or anyone else like this. A normal person does not carry on this way. He is not a customer, but a dangerous loony-tunes w/ issues. If people knew they were going to have to face consequences for their behaviour, then maybe they'd control themselves. It should be a well-known fact that if you act inappropriately or in a threatening manner, that you will be removed from the facility and if applicable, subject to prosecution. This guy's actions would've gotten him bounced out of a bar! GEE, WHY IS THERE A SO-CALLED NURSING SHORTAGE? Reason#533: Our so-called nursing leaders don't insist that we be treated w/ the respect we deserve! ARRRRGGGGHHHHH! I am ver y sorry for your awful experience.:angryfire

[barefootlady, ADN, RN]

Sorry you, the patient, other staff members and other patients and visitors had to endure this abuse.

I am not surprised that the super came down on the side of this guy. Been there too many times.

I agree write up this incident, use all of his graphic language, include wife's behavior, other witnesses, and make sure you include HIPPA. This man was discussing the condition of a patient, in an open setting, w/o what appears to be her consent, and expecting you to comment/ explain in the open area. You would have violated her Hippa rights. If necessary attach a copy of the facility quidelines to remind TPTB what those guidelines are.

You might want to include a copy of the facility security guidelines if you have any.

As stated many times before, being a good nurse and a god employee are often at odds today. Please do not fill out this incident report until you are on overtime. It may help in showing how this behavior disrupted the work flow and patients who had to put with his language.

[nursenoelle]

Taking that kind of crap is NOT customer service. That is total abuse. I cannot believe that he was not escorted out ! What a creep. How awful to have a husband like that! I wish you a better day tommorow and a healthy d/c and divorce for your poor patient.

[hmccartn]

oh my god......i gasped outloud...sounds like you did the right thing....abuse should never be tolerated and why should we have to bow down to people when they are acting like that...as far as i am concerned we dont, and i wont....keep up the good work

[kc ccurn]

Some people are truly amazing! On of our favorite sayins on our unit is "you can't cure stupid" Somehow it fits with this guy!

I agree with the others, if he didn't settle down after you asked him too, security should be escorting his tushy out until his behavior improves. ABSOLUTELY write this up and do it ASAP. One thing risk management is looking at is how soon after an incident is the variace reported. Was this supervisor your immediate director or a nursing supervisor. That behavior is inexcusable.

I feel sad for you and the patient, she has to deal with him at home........

[FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I]

Alicia,

If I may, I'd like to suggest something I used to do to handle explosive situations when I was a school bus driver. (Believe it or not, I much preferred dealing with the students over the parents.)

To defuse my own anger, as soon as I got home, I wrote my feelings down on a sheet of paper, detailing the entire incident. Then I left it alone for a while until I cooled down in order to think clearly. There was absolutely no option as to what I was going to do, for I determined that as soon as I returned from my trip. I immediately got however many report sheets I felt I would need.

After I cooled down, I would then re-read what I had originally wrote. Then I edited it, and wrote an intelligent, non-volatile, but detailed message, including any profanity used in quotes, sometimes accompanied with notes from the person I was about to report. That usually did get results.

If nothing was done, and the situation continued, I took matters in my own hands in a diplomatic way. For instance: I had a first grader who kept getting out of his seat while the bus was in motion, and hit or pinch another student. I wrote numerous reports, but nothing was done. The reason was because the father was a former school bus driver for the same company I worked for, and he injured his hand, eventually leading to a lawsuit against the company.

So, I decided to place the boy toward the back in a seat with a high school student. Problem solved. I had no more problems with that student for the remaining time I drove that route.

Because I handled situations in this manner, when I moved, my boss threw a party for me, and invited all the employees from three different areas, and gave me a bonus check for $375. with an awesome letter of recommendation.

Hope this helps.

Fran:nurse:

[PMHNP10]

I'm going to have to disagree with what some have said. I'm not at all ridiculing here, because you were blindsided, but maybe you have learned a lesson here--next time something like this happens, forget about your supervisor. Instead, call security or the police, because in ANY other situation, that person is at the least disturbing the peace, and depending on other circumstances could be exhibiting assaultive behavior; and I guaran-damn-tee you they could care less about you giving good customer service to an irrational, threatening (certainly verbally, if not physically) being. They see a problem, they remove the source of the problem without haste--give him some time in a facility to calm down (and think rationally if that is possible). What if he had a weapon...is your supervisor going to insist on providing good customer service while staring down the barrell of a 9mm? Above all, I hope you don't have to put up with such a situation again...NOONE DESERVES THAT!!!

EDIT: OOPS, the OP elicited an immediate response so I didn't read all of the posts. :imbar So, to the ones who mentioned calling security--excellent suggestion.

[caroladybelle, BSN, RN]

Originally posted by HerEyes73

I

Today, this woman's husband, who is in his 40's comes in for a visit. He goes down the hallway to her room and after a few minutes I hear them arguing. His voice becomes louder and louder and then I hear him mumbling under his breath while he is walking toward me at the nurse's station. He says (I am quoting and if you are easily offended stop reading here!), 'What's going on with my wife's a**?' I say, 'Sir, why don't you discuss that with your wife once your mood has improved.' Now, his wife is wheeling down the hall toward me yelling at him to keep quiet.

Now, I have him yelling like a moron, his wife crying, me standing there in shock and some other staff and residents right there with me listening to this crap!

In the end, I called the supervisor who appeased him as is done these days due to the 'customer is always right' attitude that now exists in healthcare.

Thanks for listening, I feel a little better now...:)

Has this ridiculously pathetic excuse of a supervisor ever heard of domestic abuse? The actual customer is the WIFE!!!! that the supervisor is permitting verbal harassment of, by condoning this behavior. Was this a healing environment for her? It certainly violated her HIPPA rights. It is also inexcusably abusive of you, the staff and the other patients.

However, since this supervisor is so "customer" oriented, please hand her the literature on identifying domestic abuse. This man so clearly fits the profile by his behavior (discussing private info, that the wife obviously didn't want discussed in such a profane manner to her intense embarassment). And the wife is the primary "customer" and this was being done without the consent.

In addition, HOW THE HECK DID THIS FOOL KNOW THAT THERE WAS A WOUND THERE????? UNLESS............... AND HOW THE HECK WOULD HE COME UP WITH THOSE IDEAS unless he was already,.......well, I won't go there. But it does makes one wonder.

[zenman]

Looks like the woman has 2 a**holes!

[kc ccurn]

Yea, one that can be treated successfully and one that probably won't ever get better.

[mattsmom81]

These types I recognize quickly. I warn them I will notify security if the attitude doesn't immediately cease. My hand is on the phone as I'm speaking. I agree about going to security first...seldom have I received support from a supervisor (if I get any support, it is minimal and grudgingly) but our officers are wonderful. Just the presence of the man in uniform often stops the bully in his tracks.

So sad that nurses not only are subjected to such abuse, but also further abuse by the insinuation by our 'leaders' that we did something wrong.

I agree this type of thing is so discouraging. Such lack of support.

Many facilities have policies now on workplace violence, but mine still caters to 'customers' too.

[crankyasanoldma]

I agree with the others- I would have called a code grey (or whatever) first. The super would arrive with the security officers and see the jerk in action.

Hope things are better!