Families from Hell

Nurses General Nursing

Published

I know that when people are in the hospital everyone is stressed out including the families; but man I can't stand when the families do all the talking for the patient, jump down my throat like a poor waitress that just brought them an undercooked steak, and question me like I was on trial for everything that has happened during the hospital stay for the past 2 weeks when it is my first day I've even laying eyes on the patient. This happened yesterday and I did what I always do: talk directly to the patient, answer the family with very short but firm answers and then redirect the conversation/questions back to the patient, let the charge/supervisor know the family is out of control (although I found out that all staff/physicians avoid the room at all costs). At the end of the shift the patient thanked me told me I was very attentive and even the family. Hate to say it but it didn't make me feel any better. I would have done everything I did do with out being bullied.

Specializes in geriatrics, medsurg, group homes.

I am sorry for responding the way I did. I have taken care of many patients who have patiently waited. I have also taken care of just as many who didn't want to bother me because they knew I was busy. These patients are special. But, all patients are important.

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What a great point!

I will never forget observing a kid having a tantrum in an airport - he was with a big Hispanic family - they ignored him, and wouldn't you know, it didn't last long. Tantrums are a way to get attention. As soon as somebody - a kid, or grownup, realizes it doesn't work, end of tantrum. My pet peeve is those kids wailing "I want it" in a store. There's nothing a mother can do except leave, but they rarely do. Too bad we can't leave the floor!

But yes, it's worth ignoring a person having a tantrum. But what do you do when a family is making demand after demand? I guess a smile, and "I'm very busy, I'll get to it as soon as I can. There are very sick people here that I have to look after." There is nothing more annoying than somebody who doesn't take the bait!

Diahni

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Specializes in icu, er, transplant, case management, ps.
I'd really like to meet the families whose problems you or other nurses are able to "fix." Nursing is rooted in helping, caring, "fixing," but there is so much out there that is simply unfixable. The families who tend to be so difficult for me are the ones who are acting out of dysfunctional family and social patterns that may go back for years in that family unit, and think its okay to be nasty. I listen and am kind and compassionate, and I do what I can but my priority is patient care and safety, not "fixing" the family problems. I so rarely have the time to sit and talk/listen with patients or families. I also was taught that treating the family is part of treating the patient, but the simple REALITY in hospital nursing at this time doesn't allow the time or energy for that, especially when the family thinks that abusing the nurses is acceptable behavior. I also think that the vast majority of nurses are compassionate and caring people who want to do their best. Having a work culture that allows abuse of the caregivers is a good way to burn out alot of great nurses.

Since the family is part of the care of the patient, how can you ignore the family problems? I am not asking you to fix the family problems, just to take them into consideration when dealing with the patient and their family. Surely you have heard the saying 'you can catch more then flies with honey, then you can with vinegar.' You don't have the time to treat the family but you sure can complain about the abuse you have suffered from those families. I have worked in health care since 1965, first as a CNA, then as an LPN, then as an RN. I can count on one hand the number of times I was threaten by family members and the one time I was physically attacked. The young man who attacked me was arrested and prosecuted and served prison time. The patient who showed up at my front door, with gun in hand, was also arrested, prosecuted and served a lengthy prison sentence. He was tried in 1986 and finally released in the year 2000. So please don't complain about the verbal abuse, I was threatened with a load gun, on two different occasions. I was picked up, tossed thru a glass wall, by a patient's son. I have also had two brothers show up, with a load gun, in my ICU room, ask where their sister-in-law was and threated to kill her and me. I can handle the verbal abuse. It is the relative that shows up with a loaded gun that scares the beejees out of me.

Continue to react in the negative manner, you espouse, because you don't have the time. All this will get you is more negativity from the family. And more letters to the hospital administration complaining about your negative attitude. Then you can come here and vent about all those negative patients and their families and administration backing them, rather then you. Or you can take time out of your busy schedule of caring for patients, and try working with the family. And perhaps you can get the family and administration on your side. And perhaps you will not get called on as frequently by the patient and family for nonsensical requests.

And one more thing. Without those patients, even the nasty ones, you would not be needed. It may be your unit, your hospital but without patients, it would nothing but a big empty building. But then you wouldn't have to deal with demanding, nasty patients and families

Woody:balloons:

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When I see a stable patient in my med/surg floor with their room full to overflowing with visitors for hours on end, I always wonder if they visit this much when the patient is at home in their usual state of health. Especially my older patients.

My brother rarely ever visits Mom who has alzheimer's when she is at home even though he is just a 10-15 minute drive from her house. However, whenever she is at the "hospital" he spends a lot of time with her. I quess it's because there are all those "witnesses" at the hospital. He can then pretend to play the role of the "very caring son.":uhoh3:

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Specializes in LTC,Hospice/palliative care,acute care.
she was apparently suffering, as demonstrated by her attempts to take control of your actions. Instead of the yada, yada yada, perhaps a little understanding, on your part, would have gone a long way.

Woody:balloons:[/b]

Nursing has changed so much in just the last 10 years-patients that used to be in ICU are often on the med-surg floor...The demands placed on us due to the acuity of these patients makes spending time battling s.o.'s for "control" impossible.And often that is what it usually is about -control.On the part of the loved ones-not the patient...IMHO the s.o. of an alert and oriented patient capable of talking on the phone has NO business sucking the life out of their nurse.I would have asked the wife to direct her questions to her husband also....

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Specializes in midwifery, NICU.

Know exactly what you mean Blackcat, about the showing up to be seen stuff! My Mum had a major surgery on 6th November, was in hospital for a week. my Brother visited all the time, as he did back in July when she was in. But since shes gone home, has he visited her?...Heck no! has he even called her??? Not a chance. While he, (no responsibilities, other than himself), can sit back and suit himself, Im still her carer, along with juggling my 3 kiddos, hubby, full time shift work etc. Dont grudge this for a minute, but why was it ok for him to take the time to visit her in hospital, but not at home/ just in case he needs to do something to actually help, not just to be seen???

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You know in some ways I am kind of glad I work in Australia. The whole 'the customer is always right' and 'hospitals are motels' mentality has yet to hit here, especially out in the rural area I live in.

I am expected to be pleasant and efficient but I don't have to put up with abusive families. Working in the ER we have been told the family members basically have no rights, the patient does. If they abuse us they get told to stop or they will be removed.

This doesn't always work of course but I seldom get abused by anyone and if a patient has a demanding or irritating family member at least I only have to put up with them for the amount of time it takes to fix them up and send them either home or to the ward.

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Specializes in icu, er, transplant, case management, ps.
Nursing has changed so much in just the last 10 years-patients that used to be in ICU are often on the med-surg floor...The demands placed on us due to the acuity of these patients makes spending time battling s.o.'s for "control" impossible.And often that is what it usually is about -control.On the part of the loved ones-not the patient...IMHO the s.o. of an alert and oriented patient capable of talking on the phone has NO business sucking the life out of their nurse.I would have asked the wife to direct her questions to her husband also....

I am well aware of the fact that patient care and acuity has changed. I may be sixty-two years old but I am still capable of looking, listening, observing. I didn't just suddenly forget about the responsibilities of providing care. I hate to tell you this, nursing has changed since I first started working as an LPN in 1968. But apparently attitudes haven't changed. Anyone who disagrees with the general take on patients and their families, either doesn't know what she is talking about. Or she is looking thru a rosey mirror, at nursing.

You are correct, no one has any right to expect anything of their nurses. They get their medications and perhaps a dressing change. they should be satisfied. What right does nay patient have to expect any thing more. Of course you are too busy to educate patients and their families. Just give them those printed handouts. And if they have any questions, they can get their answers from their physician's M.A., who calls herself a nurse. And it is too bad if she gets it wrong, it isn't the hospital nursing staff's problem.

You are so right. Patients and their families should be satisified with what you give them. And if they expect more, let them hire a private nurse. The nursing staff is too over burdened with their high acuity patients. Jep, you are so right. So correct.

Woody:balloons:

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Specializes in Operating Room.

I cut patients a lot of slack but the families need to realize that they are "guests" and I don't mean that in a butt kissing way. I mean that IMO, hospitals need to go back to strictly enforced visiting hours. If they "act up" then they need to be told to leave. I don't work the floor, I work in the OR and am "old school" about letting families into the pre-op or PACU. They don't belong there unless the patient is a child or someone with special needs.

I think most of the nurses here are just trying to do their jobs to the best of their ability and don't really need to be "scolded" because the job is different from how it used to be decades ago. I think it's harsh to imply that someone is a poor nurse because they don't feel the need to kiss a family members fanny. I'm talking about the real obnoxious ones..I have gotten a sandwich on my way to the cafeteria for a man waiting for his wife in surgery. He was afraid to leave in case the doc came out to talk to him. I would do that again, because this guy was polite and appreciative. But, I do not feel it's in my job description to play waitress for some of these nitwits.

Signed, one of those uppity new nurses with a backbone!;)

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Specializes in M/S, SNU, Office, and Private Duty.

The hospital where I currently work at has just sent out about 3 different commercials talking about all the cushy things at home with the ending phrase "You'll like the way we treat you!" This really pushes my buttons!! Then the other day I actually had a family member ask me "where's that latte' that they were talking about on the commercial?" and she was NOT kidding!!!:trout::angryfire She then said something about false advertising as I walked out of the room trying my hardest not to laugh at her.

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Specializes in Medical Surgical.

My father, 85, is a long-time GP. He said that when he saw huge groups of family members gathered around a hospitalized patient making scenes and demands, he (who knew the family) often realized it was because they were afraid they would get cut out of the will if they didn't.

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I had the mother of an employee who came to the emergency room at 10pm. The daughter came in demanding we personally call her PCP we told her we will do the tests on her mother and when the results are in we will contact her mothers PCP. She screamed she wanted him now. We gave her a phone and told her she was welcome to call him. She did the doctor then spoke to our staff and said "work her up and call me with the results! Duh.

I started an IV with 5 people staring at me saying they wanted to go to another hospital all the while and began to draw blood and the mother kept moving her arm. I lost the IV and the daughter yelled that I should go get someone else who knows how to draw blood.

I luckily got to go home 30 minutes later. I still can't believe that an employee could behave this way. My supervisor said unfortunatley even though they are employee they are family members when they come to the ED and are allowed to act like #&@* holes and we have to take it.

I can't wait to see that person again. She is a housekeeper something tells me her job is going to be alot more messy:devil:

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