Families from Hell

Nurses General Nursing

Published

I know that when people are in the hospital everyone is stressed out including the families; but man I can't stand when the families do all the talking for the patient, jump down my throat like a poor waitress that just brought them an undercooked steak, and question me like I was on trial for everything that has happened during the hospital stay for the past 2 weeks when it is my first day I've even laying eyes on the patient. This happened yesterday and I did what I always do: talk directly to the patient, answer the family with very short but firm answers and then redirect the conversation/questions back to the patient, let the charge/supervisor know the family is out of control (although I found out that all staff/physicians avoid the room at all costs). At the end of the shift the patient thanked me told me I was very attentive and even the family. Hate to say it but it didn't make me feel any better. I would have done everything I did do with out being bullied.

There's a big difference between a families that are acting out because they're stressed and those that are simply being rude, hateful PIAs. I guess the trick is in knowing the difference and where to draw the line. It's quite the balancing act...

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
this thread is about "those families" not "all familes"...we are venting-no need for personal attacks.-we are all entitled to our opinions and we have all had horrible experiences with irrational people.i'm willing to bet that just about everyone on this thread tried every therapeutic communication technique they knew with these people-they didn't just throw their hands up and walk away-they still had jobs to do..and i have "been there" too-i have waited and waited and waited for answers.in my opinion anyone that opens the door to the or suite demanding answers should be taken out of the hospital by security.

i agree -- this is a vent thread about families from hell, not about families in general. this is a nice, safe place to vent for the most part, although there are those self-righteous few who would admonish us for any venting at all. i have always wondered why anyone would feel the need to step all over a vent thread and tell us what horrible people we are for having negative feelings about someone who would verbally or physically abuse us. i've always suspected that they were being defensive, having been verbally or physically abusive to nursing staff, customer service professional, wait staff or airline staff in their own pasts.

and you're right -- anyone who opens the door to the or suite demanding answers should be escorted firmly out of the hospital by security.

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when I am in the hospital my family is usually pretty good. the only time my mom has freaked out on a nurse is when I got transfered from ICU to the floor, I asked for pain meds, and it was 2 hours later.

I have also had a bad experience with family of a patient. In my surgeries back then the incisons were made across the top of my head from ear to ear (cant remember the name of this type of incision). My roomates family was always loud. the patient had one tv going, a family member had second one going, 2 family members were talking on phones, and the patient was always wailing (which I do not blame her, she was a child in pain i realize). my mom got me transfered to a private room so that i could recover in peace

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The most horrible family member I encountered was the husband of a very sweet dialysis pt in the clinic where I used to work. For some reason, he hated me (no exaggeration). He accused me of trying to kill his wife with the machine (!) and of total incompetence (the closest I ever came to figuring this out was that I had suggested that he should not adjust his wife's O2 settings but let me do it. That must have been the horrible offense, I have no other explanation. Except maybe he's psycho). :angryfire

He finally demanded that I not be allowed to touch his wife's machine (although I might have been the only nurse closeby when an alarm went off). My spineless manager let him get away with his demands (rather than kick his as* out of the unit) and I felt very humiliated from then on whenever they were present.

This was years ago, but I still feel awful just thinking about it. How can people treat those who care for their family members so horribly?! And believe me, I was never rude or disrespectful to him (the pt herself was very embarrassed by all this, indicated to me that she did not agree, but also did not speak up for herself).

DeLana

P.S. Now we need a "patients from hell" thread ;)

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Woody,

I think that the majority of "bad care" happens when the nurses are overwhelmed rather than incompetent or just plain nasty. I currently work on a 30 bed med surg unit that won't staff anything with more than 1 RN and a few volunteers. A family member may know their loved one well but I don't. I have just come on duty to be responsible for 30 people I have never seen before with nothing but a flimsey rushed handover from the previous shift. The UK hospitals are having money problems and are getting rid of nurses left and right and intentionally short staffing the wards. There is also a nation wide recruitment freeze and they will not hire. How do they get away with this dangerous practice? People like you. These managers know that they can save a few bucks but giving the nurse way more patients than she can handle with no help and folks will blame the nurse.

The most caring, most wonderful, most hardworking and competent nurse in the world will flounder big time if he/she has too many patients. The standard of nursing care will be horrendous. This is a well researched and proven fact.

I have seen pregnant RN's on my floor work 14 hour shifts without stopping for a glass of water and food working their butts off for all of those 14 hours because they are so dedicated to trying to do an impossible job for too many patients. And they get nothing but abuse from family members who want one to one care and don't understand the dynamics of one nurse caring for 30 acutely ill totally dependent patients.

Do these irate family members run screaming to administration regarding the appalling level of staffing? 80% of our new nursing grads in the UK cannot find jobs and yet the hospitals are not hiring and leaving one RN with a dangerously high number of patients. But do they run screaming to admin for staffing the wards like this? Nope. This just allows these managers to keep thinking they can get away with it because the nurse will be the one to take the fall.

And remember that plenty of research has proven that the best nurse in the world is completely screwed with too many acute patients.

Nurses want to work hard and give good care but it is very unreasonable to expect the nurses to give decent care and have a good handle on all of their patients with these kinds of staffing levels and acuity. A nurse could bail out the atlantic ocean with a teaspoon more easily than provide good care to too many acute patients at one time. It is just not going to happen.

If my father was a patient on a ward where the nurse was overwhelmed with too many sick patients I wouldn't expect his care to be good and I would be in a managers office screaming and threatening the manager and wondering why my dad's nurse is being made to work in such overwhelming conditions when there is no need for it. This would be the best way to stop my dad from suffering via poor nursing care.

Back to my pregnant colleague who worked for 14 hours non stop with nothing to eat and drink and happens to be one of the most caring and hard working nurses I know. She managed to keep her 10 critical care patients (who should have been in ITU) safe and alive for those 14 hours by running her ass off and not stopping and the daughter of another patient complained and got very abusive with her for not giving dad a back rub and sitting with him all shift. Same nurse had asked the managers to send her another RN or at least a care assistant because patients were suffering and she was ready to collapse and was told to f*ck off.

If the public wants good nursing care they need to get off their asses and demand that hospitals are staffed safely and well. I don't believe for a second that they really care for their loved ones if they won't do this. I instead see them as a kid having a tantrum who gets off on abusing a nurse. If they abused those that intentionally short staff instead of abusing the nurses we wouldn't have so many problems with bad nursing care.

Admin and the managers sit laughing at the money they are saving by staffing the wards like this knowing full well that the nurses will be the receivers of the wrath of an ignorant and unrealistic public. I know this for a fact. I have seen it with my own eyes. Then they get rewarded by their bossed for doing it.

Let's give every nurse safe staffing levels and resources and back up and then we can weed the bad nurses from the good.

Hope I have clarified things for you a bit Woody.

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By the way most of the nurses I work with were nursing back in the "good ole days" and they are hardworking, caring but also distraught regarding the terrible nursing care.

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Woody,

I think that the majority of "bad care" happens when the nurses are overwhelmed rather than incompetent or just plain nasty. I currently work on a 30 bed med surg unit that won't staff anything with more than 1 RN and a few volunteers. A family member may know their loved one well but I don't. I have just come on duty to be responsible for 30 people I have never seen before with nothing but a flimsey rushed handover from the previous shift. The UK hospitals are having money problems and are getting rid of nurses left and right and intentionally short staffing the wards. There is also a nation wide recruitment freeze and they will not hire. How do they get away with this dangerous practice? People like you. These managers know that they can save a few bucks but giving the nurse way more patients than she can handle with no help and folks will blame the nurse.

The most caring, most wonderful, most hardworking and competent nurse in the world will flounder big time if he/she has too many patients. The standard of nursing care will be horrendous. This is a well researched and proven fact.

I have seen pregnant RN's on my floor work 14 hour shifts without stopping for a glass of water and food working their butts off for all of those 14 hours because they are so dedicated to trying to do an impossible job for too many patients. And they get nothing but abuse from family members who want one to one care and don't understand the dynamics of one nurse caring for 30 acutely ill totally dependent patients.

Do these irate family members run screaming to administration regarding the appalling level of staffing? 80% of our new nursing grads in the UK cannot find jobs and yet the hospitals are not hiring and leaving one RN with a dangerously high number of patients. But do they run screaming to admin for staffing the wards like this? Nope. This just allows these managers to keep thinking they can get away with it because the nurse will be the one to take the fall.

And remember that plenty of research has proven that the best nurse in the world is completely screwed with too many acute patients.

Nurses want to work hard and give good care but it is very unreasonable to expect the nurses to give decent care and have a good handle on all of their patients with these kinds of staffing levels and acuity. A nurse could bail out the atlantic ocean with a teaspoon more easily than provide good care to too many acute patients at one time. It is just not going to happen.

If my father was a patient on a ward where the nurse was overwhelmed with too many sick patients I wouldn't expect his care to be good and I would be in a managers office screaming and threatening the manager and wondering why my dad's nurse is being made to work in such overwhelming conditions when there is no need for it. This would be the best way to stop my dad from suffering via poor nursing care.

Back to my pregnant colleague who worked for 14 hours non stop with nothing to eat and drink and happens to be one of the most caring and hard working nurses I know. She managed to keep her 10 critical care patients (who should have been in ITU) safe and alive for those 14 hours by running her ass off and not stopping and the daughter of another patient complained and got very abusive with her for not giving dad a back rub and sitting with him all shift. Same nurse had asked the managers to send her another RN or at least a care assistant because patients were suffering and she was ready to collapse and was told to f*ck off.

If the public wants good nursing care they need to get off their asses and demand that hospitals are staffed safely and well. I don't believe for a second that they really care for their loved ones if they won't do this. I instead see them as a kid having a tantrum who gets off on abusing a nurse. If they abused those that intentionally short staff instead of abusing the nurses we wouldn't have so many problems with bad nursing care.

Admin and the managers sit laughing at the money they are saving by staffing the wards like this knowing full well that the nurses will be the receivers of the wrath of an ignorant and unrealistic public. I know this for a fact. I have seen it with my own eyes. Then they get rewarded by their bossed for doing it.

Let's give every nurse safe staffing levels and resources and back up and then we can weed the bad nurses from the good.

Hope I have clarified things for you a bit Woody.

Martinette - OMGosh, do I feel bad for you. Those working conditions sound awful.:o

Why do you suppose it's so awful over there for nurses? Does it have anything to do with the National Health Service?

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My belief is that yes...it is a result of the way our health service is run and meddling by politicians. The people who make the decisions have no clinical knowledge.

It is bad but there are no jobs anywhere else and we have mortgages and they know it.

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Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac.
There's a big difference between a families that are acting out because they're stressed and those that are simply being rude, hateful PIAs. I guess the trick is in knowing the difference and where to draw the line. It's quite the balancing act...

If they are acting out because they are stressed it's still not acceptable. Understandable yes, but acceptable no. Either way it still needs to be dealt with.

Those who are acting out because they are truly rude mean people are probably in the minority, but there are those who think that's how they get what they want in life. They need redirection.

But those who are just at the end of their rope and still are mean and exhibiting bad behavior need redirection as well....with compassion and understanding on our part of course:).

You are definatley right that it's can be delicate.

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If they are acting out because they are stressed it's still not acceptable. Understandable yes, but acceptable no. Either way it still needs to be dealt with.

Those who are acting out because they are truly rude mean people are probably in the minority, but there are those who think that's how they get what they want in life. They need redirection.

But those who are just at the end of their rope and still are mean and exhibiting bad behavior need redirection as well....with compassion and understanding on our part of course:).

You are definatley right that it's can be delicate.

I wasn't referring to abusive behaviour; I agree that is unacceptable regardless.
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Specializes in icu, er, transplant, case management, ps.

What makes so many of you think that I have never been physically attacked or threaten? I was physically assualted, by a patient's son, as I escorted him out of ICU, to the front door of our medical center. Yes, the patient signed out AMA and was allowed to do so, after pysch cleared him. There was nothing I could do but push him. But his son couldn't understand this. He was arrested, prosecuted and spent time in the county jail.

I was threaten twice, once with a load 357 and once with an unloaded one. One client went to prison, for more then fouteen years. He was mad at me, I tesified at his hearing and costed him more then fifty thousand dollars. The judge cite my testimony as one of the major reason's for ordering the insurance company to pay him just fifteen thousand dollars. I don't know why he never pulled the trigger but he didn't. And the police got there within two minutes. I can handle a patient's family, just like many of you do but I wonder how many of you would have reacted, upon opening your front door and finding a patient standing there, with a loaded gun. I hate to think that you would have reacted like a majority of people and just pee your pants.

I worked for a hospital, here in SW Florida, where I was not supported by the DON or the hospital administrator. I had too many patients and not enough staff. It took me just six months to figure out that things were not going to get better and handed in my resignation. I have never remained at a facility that did not support it's nursing staff. And given the high acuity of patients today, I wouldn't remain long in a job that I was overworked, undersupported. If you go day after day without a meal or bathroom break, then you are getting exactly what you have set yourself up to receive. Any administration will push it's staff as far as they can. But when confronted, they do back down. We know that there are not enough nurses out there to hire those that threaten to quit. And hospital administrations do listen, especially when nurses unite, to push their complaints. The administration may make noises about serving the patients but they know fully well, without nurses, they couldn't receive the payments they do from Medicare, Medicaid, and insurance companies.

For heavens sake, stand up for yourselves. Present a united front. If you continue to let everyone walk all over you, you are getting exactly what you have asked for-nothing but more abuse. And you then derserve it because you will not stand up for yourselves.

Woody:balloons:

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Specializes in LTC,Hospice/palliative care,acute care.
I have never remained at a facility that did not support it's nursing staff. And given the high acuity of patients today, I wouldn't remain long in a job that I was overworked, undersupported. If you go day after day without a meal or bathroom break, then you are getting exactly what you have set yourself up to receive. Any administration will push it's staff as far as they can. But when confronted, they do back down. We know that there are not enough nurses out there to hire those that threaten to quit. And hospital administrations do listen, especially when nurses unite, to push their complaints. The administration may make noises about serving the patients but they know fully well, without nurses, they couldn't receive the payments they do from Medicare, Medicaid, and insurance companies.

For heavens sake, stand up for yourselves. Present a united front. If you continue to let everyone walk all over you, you are getting exactly what you have asked for-nothing but more abuse. And you then derserve it because you will not stand up for yourselves.

Woody:balloons:

So it is all our fault? Either we are not addressing the psycho/social needs of the patient and their S.O.'s, treating them as enemies and dismissing their worries or we are getting what we deserve for not just walking? interesting view on nurses and nursing today.Seems no matter what we do we are screwed...
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