Failure is an Option: A New Grad Story

Have you ever made a mistake so horrible you thought you just might not want to continue on the same path anymore? Well I have. This is a story about a big mistake I made, and about my very bumpy path towards getting the nursing job that I have today. "To err is human" means that we all make mistakes, but we must realize our fault, learn from our error, and most importantly forgive ourselves so that we can move on.

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Failure is an Option: A New Grad Story

On certain weekends during college I would spend the entirety of the time that the library was open studying; I would get there at 9am and not leave until 11pm, and still I thought this wasn't enough, especially if I had an exam that week. I got good grades (not great), I was no over-achiever compared to some of my classmates. That's not to say I wasn't academically competitive, I was and I still am. I honestly think it's the only thing I have ever been competitive about.

On my last day of clinicals in my last semester on the last week of college, I made a mistake A BIG ONE.

I was on the Labor and Delivery unit for my preceptorship. I was just getting over a cold so I almost got sent home that day, but I insisted that I wasn't sick anymore and it was my last day so I really wanted to stay.

I had a high risk patient with maternal Diabetes and an STD. She was already in labor but the possibility of an emergent c-section was high due to her risk factors. We had to infuse an antibiotic quickly so that the baby wouldn't get an infection on its way out of the birth canal. She was also allergic to penicillin which prompted us to use a different antibiotic than usual.

My Preceptor (RN) gave me the bag to hang, she said "just open it wide up." The antibiotic we were supposed to use was 100mg of Unasyn, the bag that the pharmacy had sent up and put the patients name on was 100units of Humilin (a fast acting insulin). I hung the bag only checking the patients name and birthdate. Neither I or my preceptor checked the name of the medication, and there was no electronic medical record at the time. This resulted in the patients' blood sugar dropping to 40 and an emergent c-section. In the end neither the mother nor the baby were injured in any way, but that's not to say this error wasn't damaging.

I was initially told that it would just be a ding on my record, nobody would even find out....

On the morning of my pinning I got a text from one of my instructors saying "hey did you check your email?" Of course I hadn't since it's the week of graduation and everything is done already. So reluctantly I opened up my email and it stated that I would not in fact be graduating, and I would have to repeat my last semester due to this one mistake. I finished reading the email, and when I had finally realized what it entailed, I screamed... I cried bloody murder so loud my roommate thought my mother had died or something. To me it was the worst thing that could have happened, and to top it off my boyfriend at the time broke up with me that same day. I felt like I hit rock bottom, things could only get better from here, right?

Despite having the worst morning ever, I did in fact walk the stage that night, and as soon as I started the next semester, things were starting to look up. During my final semester I got to precept under my idol (the president of the nursing program at my college) in a pediatric oncology unit, I participated in the California gubernatorial debates, and I presented my research at the pediatric society of nursing conference in Las Vegas. It was an exciting and challenging time in my life.

After I graduated, I spent 5-10 hours a day for a month (yes every day) studying for the NCLEX (the RN licensure exam). When I took it, the computerized exam shut off at the minimum amount of questions: 75. And two weeks later I found out I passed the test.

As a kid you are told that you should "work hard, go to college, and get a good job so you can be successful". And there I was; I had worked hard my whole life towards being a nurse, and now I was...sort of. So after getting my license I started applying for nursing jobs daily. In the mean time, I worked as a waitress at Outback Steakhouse.

I probably applied to over 200 jobs over the course of a year. The amount of applications per day that I was submitting would wax and wane depending on how I was feeling. After months of applying for nursing jobs, and not hearing back from any of them, I got really depressed. No one wanted to hire me; I was living in my parents' house, working a job I could have gotten out of high school, and realizing everything I learned as a kid was a lie.

I didn't understand why nobody wanted to hire me; I graduated cum laude, did extra projects, and even had a job working as a student aid in the nursing sim-lab. How was I not a prime candidate? What's so awful about me that you can't even give me the time of day to respond to my email?

I often glorified the past in my mind; I missed college, when everything was exciting and challenging, and now that was all gone. I was at a stand-still. I realized I was never going to get a nursing job in California; not as a new grad anyways. This was my defining "now what?" moment.

My friend, Colleen, who I went to nursing school with, was living in Hawaii, and she had just gotten a job in a new-grad nursing program at Hilo Medical Center. I saw this as my opportunity to get out, even if I couldn't get a job at the hospital right away, at least I knew they were hiring nurses in Hawaii. And on top of that I was tired of waiting around in California for "my life to start." So I dropped everything, and bought a one-way ticket.

When I first got to Hawaii, I got a job as a waitress at a local restaurant called Cronies. Even though I didn't have a nursing job yet, the change of scenery made me happy; I had minimal responsibilities, no one to call home to, and plenty of time to spend on the beach.

After about a month I got hired at a clinic, it wasn't the ideal nursing job, but beggars can't be choosers right? The job was only going to be part time, so I kept my job at Cronies. And thank the flying spaghetti monster* I did, because I actually only ended up working at the clinic for about a week. I got hired on Monday and fired on Friday. They gave me a lot of silly reasons why they fired me that mostly added up to "people don't like you." It hurt my feelings that people didn't like me, but it hurt even more to think that if I couldn't even keep a stupid clinic job, how was I gonna keep an acute care job? It was worse than if they had not hired me at all.

Once again I felt like a failure, I felt incompetent, stupid, not-worthy and I was a stranger in a strange land. I felt so bad I was paralyzed; I couldn't get myself to open a computer and look at a job application for months. When I finally did, I got hired at a long term care facility. Four months later I got hired at Hilo Medical Center in their new-grad nurse program.

I have now been living in Hawaii for over 2 years, and I just completed my first year of acute care nursing. The most important thing I learned during this time was that failure is an option, in fact it's likely, but I also learned that I have the strength to get back on the horse and try again, bruised and battered as I may be.

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elixRN

About elixRN, BSN, RN

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Amazing story.

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Specializes in Hospice, Palliative Care.

Good day, elixRN:

Congratulations on turning things around. Thank you so much for sharing your story; it is very encouraging.

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Specializes in NICU, ICU, PICU, Academia.

That whole not giving up thing? It will serve you well for the remainder of your career. Congrats.

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Specializes in Pediatrics, High-Risk L&D, Antepartum, L.

Great story but I have one issue...

You said nobody was harmed when you hung the insulin. Wrong. Mom and baby were harmed. They had a significant drop in blood glucose and mom had a c-section because of it. She had major abdominal surgery and baby did not experience normal birth. She may have been at risk for a section prior to your mistake but that doesn't mean the section was okay. So there was harm and it is really important you know that.

I would have been livid if I was a patient and had a section because of your mistake. I assure you...that mistake would have haunted you if I was the patient and I'm not a law suit person (kid with CP and I wouldn't dream of suing and I have a foreign body in me from medical care and again I opted to not sue). You did cause harm. Period.

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Great story but I have one issue...

You said nobody was harmed when you hung the insulin. Wrong. Mom and baby were harmed. They had a significant drop in blood glucose and mom had a c-section because of it. She had major abdominal surgery and baby did not experience normal birth. She may have been at risk for a section prior to your mistake but that doesn't mean the section was okay. So there was harm and it is really important you know that.

I would have been livid if I was a patient and had a section because of your mistake. I assure you...that mistake would have haunted you if I was the patient and I'm not a law suit person (kid with CP and I wouldn't dream of suing and I have a foreign body in me from medical care and again I opted to not sue). You did cause harm. Period.

I thought the story was very inspirational. People make errors. It is pretty much a guarantee that you will make an error in your nursing practice. I would hope that others would be much more forgiving and less judgmental than you. Would you also sue pharmacy and the nurse assigned to the patient as well?

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Specializes in Pediatrics, High-Risk L&D, Antepartum, L.
I thought the story was very inspirational. People make errors. It is pretty much a guarantee that you will make an error in your nursing practice. I would hope that others would be much more forgiving and less judgmental than you. Would you also sue pharmacy and the nurse assigned to the patient as well?

You missed the point. The OP stated there was no harm from the mistake. That statement is wrong. There was harm. I was pointing out that the OP needs to see that there was harm...causing major abdominal surgery is harm. So inspirational story but a nurse who couldn't see the harm caused. This isn't about who I would sue but the inability to recognize fault and harm caused. You missed the point and the OP missed their fault...that is scary.

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Specializes in Pediatrics, High-Risk L&D, Antepartum, L.
I thought the story was very inspirational. People make errors. It is pretty much a guarantee that you will make an error in your nursing practice. I would hope that others would be much more forgiving and less judgmental than you. Would you also sue pharmacy and the nurse assigned to the patient as well?

Ah not a nurse...when you are a nurse you will understand the importance of recognizing harm caused.

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Thanks for sharing your inspiring story.

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Ah not a nurse...when you are a nurse you will understand the importance of recognizing harm caused.

I think everyone can see that harm was done in this instance. But the gist of the article, and what I took from it was that mistakes happen, but you can rise above it. Hence the title, failure is an option. From what I have heard from every instructor that I have had, all nurses by the way, they have all made mistakes. And I don't see what me not being a nurse has anything to do with me being able to recognize harm. That was not the point of this post.

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Specializes in Pediatrics, High-Risk L&D, Antepartum, L.
I think everyone can see that harm was done in this instance. But the gist of the article, and what I took from it was that mistakes happen, but you can rise above it. Hence the title, failure is an option. From what I have heard from every instructor that I have had, all nurses by the way, they have all made mistakes. And I don't see what me not being a nurse has anything to do with me being able to recognize harm. That was not the point of this post.

The OP stated neither mom nor baby injured. Wrong. Not recognizing that they were injured/harmed is an issue. If the OP wants I come along and act like something was learned...it is important to acknowledge the harm that was done. You not being a nurse gives you a pass for not understanding the importance of knowing when you have caused an injury or harmed a patient. I don't take issue with what was done...but the statement that nobody was injured.

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The OP stated neither mom nor baby injured. Wrong. Not recognizing that they were injured/harmed is an issue. If the OP wants I come along and act like something was learned...it is important to acknowledge the harm that was done. You not being a nurse gives you a pass for not understanding the importance of knowing when you have caused an injury or harmed a patient. I don't take issue with what was done...but the statement that nobody was injured.

I'm not disagreeing with the fact that harm was caused. I initially took issue with what I interpreted as a very judgmental and punitive stance. How can someone learn if they are flogged for their mistakes? That was the only point I wished to make. Harm was caused. I agree with that. For the sake of hearing an inspirational story, I overlooked that detail in this instance. Neither of us were there, so we don't know how the OP felt about this. I think that attitudes like that can cause people to hide their mistakes due to lack of support from their peers. And clearly from the title, the OP has indicated that she/he has failed at certain things.

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