ER Experience - I'm A Wee Bit Upset

Red Kryptonite · Jul 1, 2015

To quote Winston from Ghostbusters, "I have seen **** that will turn you WHITE!"

But it's not my family member. It's not a friend. It's been with people around whom I can construct a professional boundary. I am empathetic and caring, but I am not emotionally involved. I've already told my nurses that when it's my turn to be the family member, I'm sure I'll be just as much of a PITA as the ones we deal with. Because it's different. It has to be, or none of us could do our jobs.

You'll be fine.

guest908299 · Jul 1, 2015

I'm a (hopeful) pre-nursing student who currently works full time in the ER. I've noticed a huge difference in how I process things which occur at work vs. outside of work. While working, you go from patient to patient, each with a unique history and story. I don't have the time to become emotionally invested in each patient, because you quickly must move on to evaluate the next. After a busy and stressful shift certain things may hit me on the drive home and I'll fully process the emotions attached then. Every once in a while a case comes through which does catch you off guard, but you have multiple other patients to attend to so you don't have time to dwell. This isn't meant to sound like you don't care about the wellbeing of each patient, because that certainly is not true, but you'll come to realize the best way to help is to stay calm, process each patient, and evaluate how you can help. I'm not directly involved in patient care, and I certainly don't claim to speak for anyone but myself, but this is how I've come to view working somewhere stressful like the ER.

A family member is an entirely different situation, and I would not let the situation concern you. It's natural to feel concern and worry for those we love and care about. I'd argue it's a sign that you'll make a great nurse!

nlitened · Jul 1, 2015

You reacted that way because it was a family member, and that's ok. That doesn't mean you are going to suck as a nurse. You are human and had a very human response to seeing your brother that way. Please don't beat yourself up about it. (((HUGS)))

Jensmom7, BSN, RN · Jul 1, 2015

Seeing a family member in an emergency situation is a completely different animal that being a professional nurse caring for a stranger in the same predicament.

You aren't emotionally invested in the stranger-that's how you can stay calm and do what needs to be done. Afterwords, depending on what happens, you may need to do a Primal Scream in the Clean Utility room, but most of us have been there.

Don't worry about the visceral reaction, if it had been my brother I would probably have hyperventilated a bit myself.

jojo489 · Jul 2, 2015

A very wise nurse once told me that you can be a nurse for 40 years, deal with any emergent situation, have patients pass, and see people with tubes coming out of everywhere, but the minute a family member is the patient, everything changes.

You reacted that way because it's someone you are attached to. When you get on the job, there will be a healthy, professional boundary between you and your patients that allows you to think critically and with knowledge and wisdom, not with emotion.

There's nothing wrong with reacting the way you did. :)

Leonardsmom,LPN · Jul 2, 2015

Agree with what other posters have said. As this was a family member your reaction is going to be completely different than a patient who you don't have that emotional bond with. From the sounds of it the way you handled the situation was good. Yes you might have felt like freaking out, but you stayed calm and did what needed to be done to help your brother.

Right now your knowledge of how to help someone in that type of situation is limited, but as you go through school you will build your knowledge base. The first time you have to take care of a dying patient, or have someone die when you are in the room will be hard. With experience though you will learn and become more confident in your abilities. Don't beat yourself up over the feelings that you had experienced over the weekend they are natural especially when it is dealing with someone you love.

MongoSmash · Jul 2, 2015

I'm really hoping that all these feelings are exaggerated because of the situation - I saw bad things happening to a family member who I have an emotional connection to and who I also don't have the knowledge/resources to help right now - and that feeling these extremely negative emotions doesn't mean I'm going to suck as a nurse.

This right here is the answer to your situation. Most likely you will do fine as a nurse. I'm the sort that can turn of emotions when I need to, but if it were my wife or one of the kids as a patient you bet I would be emotionally stressed and not dealing with it like any other patient.

HIPAAPotamus, BSN, RN · Jul 2, 2015

I used it to my advantage.

My mother (a 50 year nursing veteran) recently had a left lobectomy of the liver to remove cancer. It's a huge surgery, and I was by her side every day for a month. One day, as I was checking her sutures, she cried, "This must be so hard for you to see." I said, "If I can stay calm here, I can handle a full patient load."

(Side comment: she's fully recovered, and CTs show no evidence of mets!)

You can't expect to stay perfectly calm when it's your own family on the gurney, but you CAN choose how you react with patients. Your compassion can help you if you let it. Hope your brother is OK!

emmjayy, BSN, RN · Jul 2, 2015

Thank you all for the very supportive and reassuring comments!! You've all helped me to gain some perspective, I very much appreciate everyone who has taken the time to respond to this :)

Miss Infermiera2b, BSN, RN · Jul 2, 2015

I'm really sorry about what happened to your brother. Honestly, I wouldn't be too worried about your potential as a nurse. Someone you love was in serious trouble and you reacted accordingly.

nurseprnRN, BSN, RN · Jul 2, 2015

One caveat: This will make you perhaps more sympathetic with family members, and that will be useful. One thing to remember and never, never forget: Never say, "I know just how you feel, I had a family member who ... " There is NO situation in which it is appropriate to insert yourself in that way. It is never about you. Imagine how you'd have felt if a nurse came in while you were with your brother and started in about her personal situation.

Yes, having experiences like these (and other life experiences) can make you a better nurse by making you more sensitive to pt and family needs. They do so best by having you keep them to yourself, though. No, not your premie and you become a NICU nurse, not your cancer and you go into oncology, not your multitrauma and you go into rehabilitation, not your COPD and you go into pulmonary. Not. It's all patient care, not about you.

Possible exception: The nurse who is a recovering addict or alcoholic whose patients know she has been there/done that and respect her for walking the walk as well as talking the talk. But only possibly.

Best wishes for the recovery of your brother.

You'll be fine.