phone calls no outsider would believe

Specialties Emergency

Published

Got a call the other night, demanding to know if a man could still have an erection when he was dead, if it happened automatically.

I told him that was not something I was going to answer, he demanded to know why I didn't know, wasn't I a nurse??!! Go get another nurse!!

Told him again, this is not something I was going to discuss with him, so he told me he would be reporting me to both our local newspapers!

What's yours?

Specializes in OR Internship starting in Jan!!.

Oh wow, these are great -- Thanks for sharing.

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Specializes in Onc/Hem, School/Community.
CotJockey's Signature: Education is learning the rules...experience

is learning the exceptions

.

I absolutely love this!

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Specializes in Peds, Med/surg, Telemetry, TCU, now ER.

Had one ask... If my boyfriends sperm tastes different.. Does that mean he is cheating on me?

Pt. on phone talking normal..no distress... I can't breathe.. should I be seen?

Can I get pregnant from wearing my boyfriends underwear?

People really need educated!

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Specializes in Peds, Med/surg, Telemetry, TCU, now ER.

Another one.... I am breastfeeding and I was wondering if swallowing sperm will transfer to the baby during feeding? I asked her who wants to know(her or her significant other). She said him. I told her if she didn't feel like doing that to tell him it can really harm the baby. She laughed and said "He really wants me to do that" I ended up transferring that call to OB. We all got a real kick outta that one!

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Specializes in acute medical.

these are ewww! I have never had calls like these, thank God! Are they serious, or do they like to put the nurse on the spot? The worst call I have ever had is not funny. I had a woman saying she wanted to speak to such and such, stating she was a friend. The senior nurse of the ward must have had three sets of ears, because in the middle of consulting with the surgical team she grabbed the phone off me. Turns out the woman on the other end of the phone was a journalist, and had rung circa 5 mins previously asking to speak to the same person re: her accident; the latter refused. The journalist had actually asked the senior could she convince the patient to talk to her! Thank God the senior had heard me, or else that journalist would have got her story!

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Specializes in med/surg, rural, ER.

"umm, I just saw on the news that some peanut butter tested positive for salmonella, should my family come to the ER?"

me, "is anyone sick"

potential patient, "no, but my husband might have been a few days ago, and he ate some peanut butter."

I referred them to the health department... (after assuring them that the ER is open 24/7 and we don't turn anyone away and all that legal CYA stuff)

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Specializes in Orthosurgery, Rehab, Homecare.

Yup- My husband works switch-board. Said he got about 6 Peanut Butter calls tonight. About the same. He feels bad 'cause he has to transfer to the "ask a nurse" line. He knows that the person is going to ask the nurse a silly question.

~Jen

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Specializes in Day Surgery/Infusion/ED.

Caller: "I'm calling to reserve a room."

Me: (Explains that there's no such thing as reserving a room in the ED.)

Caller: "But we're Amish! We have to come by horse and buggy! We don't want to have to wait."

Me: (crickets chirping)

Before anyone asks how an Amish person could make a phone call, many have phones in the barn, or use a communal phone. Cell phones are also acceptable, since there are no telephone lines to "tie them to the world."

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Specializes in ER.
Just wondering...I'm not an ER nurse - still a student but I cringe whenever I see the recent asthma medication commercial. It is the one where the mother says "I called the hospital and told them 'get ready, my son is having a severe asthma attack'". All I can think of is people calling the ER saying 'get ready my husband is having a severe hang nail' etc.

WHAT? OKAY

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I Got a good one for ya. One night someone called me and said that they had a hyst and a friend told her to use ky jelly for intercourse. then the caller asked me how to use the ky jelly. needless to say they were serious and upset when i told them to look on the side of the tube.

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Specializes in pedi, pedi psych,dd, school ,home health.
:p I never worked in the ER but in a Pedi office. We had a baby with some feeding difficulties and mom was advised to supplement after breast feeding. Dad called and wanted to know if he nursed too if that would help milk production!!!
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Specializes in Emergency.

I just got a call tonight from an Aid Unit:

Aid Unit: "We have a patient who has come to your ED for the last two nights for pain secondary to a motorcycle accident. We are not sure how to deal with him. It seems that his main isue is pain control, but we suspect he is a drug seeker. What do you want us to do?"

Me: "You are asking me?!"

AU: "Yes."

Me: "Well, what makes you think he is seeking?"

AU: "He says he has not received a prescription for pain medication in his previous two visits, and he wants to get one."

Me: "Oh."

AU: "He is also very intoxicated."

Me: "Oh. And what does he want?"

(pause)

AU: "He wants Oxycontin."

Me: "Ah. I see. Why does he want Oxycontin?"

(pause)

AU: "Because nobody will give him Dilaudid anymore."

At that point, I deferred to the MD.

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