phone calls no outsider would believe

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Got a call the other night, demanding to know if a man could still have an erection when he was dead, if it happened automatically.

I told him that was not something I was going to answer, he demanded to know why I didn't know, wasn't I a nurse??!! Go get another nurse!!

Told him again, this is not something I was going to discuss with him, so he told me he would be reporting me to both our local newspapers!

What's yours?

I think its like if mom is still pregnant with baby and gets in the bath will baby drown inside her!!

Oh, I see. I didn't catch that part, mom still being pregnant. I thought it referred to someone who recently had a baby shouldn't take a tub bath due to the fears that the baby would drown. I was having a hard time figuring that one out. :chuckle

After some searching, I found the thread about OB myths from a few years ago on here. It's pretty fun reading.

https://allnurses.com/forums/f35/do-you-have-any-favorite-ob-myths-63817.html?highlight=myths

Specializes in ER!.

we had a lady call one night and ask our unit secretary, "do i need to come in if i have a high diabolical blood pressure?" he immediately told her that she needed help if she had a diabolical anything.

a girl called one night and said, "my boyfriend and i were having sex and he put some grapes up in there and i don't think they all came out. what should i do?" one of the other nurses, when i repeated this story, said i should've told her, "well, just wait a few days, and if you start seeing fruit flies, then you still have some."

when i was newly married to my vile and loathsome ex, one of my ob patients called me after we had just seen her for abdominal pain and asked if she could use her vibrator. (i later found out she worked at a topless joint right up until she had the baby! :eek: ) anyway, being young and newly married, i knew nothing about vibrators, and i thought that you actually put it up in there, or else why would it be phallic-shaped? so i told my patient, "absolutely not! you'll vibrate something loose, like your baby!" well, the nurse in the cubicle next to me just laughed her a$$ off and when she was done wiping her tears away, verbally instructed me on the appropriate use of the vibrator.

just the other day this genius called and asked if she needed to come in for a bee sting. i asked her if she was allergic to bees, and she said, "i don't know." so i asked her where she got stung, and she said, "i don't know." trying to get this straight, i asked her, "you don't know where the bee stung you??" and she said, "well, i'm not sure if he did. i just wanted to know if i should come in and get checked." oh, yes, we daily inspect potential patients for imaginary bee stings, and other traumas as well.

several years ago i got a call from a woman who said she got bitten by a parrot and wanted to know if she needed to come in to get vaccinated against any parrot-related diseases. i told her she'd need a tetorifice shot if it'd been more than 5 years, and she agreed to come in. she even listed on the check-in log that she was here for a tetorifice shot. when we got her back, she had this huge hole gouged out of her cheek where the parrot had bitten her. i was amazed that she was worried about potential diseases but not concerned in the least about this gaping wound that required multi-layer suturing.

that's all i can think of for now.

now accepting prayer requests for poor beautiful keith urban as he goes through rehab.

Specializes in Orthosurgery, Rehab, Homecare.

anyway, being young and newly married, i knew nothing about vibrators, and i thought that you actually put it up in there, or else why would it be phallic-shaped? so i told my patient, "absolutely not! you'll vibrate something loose, like your baby!" well, the nurse in the cubicle next to me just laughed her a$$ off and when she was done wiping her tears away, verbally instructed me on the appropriate use of the vibrator.

now accepting prayer requests for poor beautiful keith urban as he goes through rehab.

ummm, some do "go in". just fyi. :lol2:

Specializes in SDU, Tele, Hospice, Radiology, Education.
Oh, I see. I didn't catch that part, mom still being pregnant. I thought it referred to someone who recently had a baby shouldn't take a tub bath due to the fears that the baby would drown. I was having a hard time figuring that one out. :chuckle

I have a friend that told his sister (and my sister, for that manner) that if either of them took a bath while they were still pregnant, that they better put a straw in their belly button so that the baby could breathe. Thankfully, my sister knew he was joking:lol2: :lol2: :lol2: !!!

Specializes in ICU, PICC Nurse, Nursing Supervisor.

Ill never forget being pregnant with my second child and one day my mom called (my mom was about 70 at the time) she "what are you doing". I said oh Im outside hanging clothes out on the line..she started screaming "oh my God what is wrong with you . you are going to wrap the cord around that babies neck and she will die".. She wanted me to call 911 so I could go get "untangled" at the hospital.

I worked OB for 8 yrs, that comes with a lot of crazy first timer phone calls. But the strangest was during the hurricanes. A husband called and asked if he and the wife should go stay at the hospital, because his mom said the drop in the barometric pressure would make the wife's water break at anytime! The shocker was, he wasn't the only one! We got almost 20 calls about The Barometric Pressure, and if the hospital would board them, just in case!

Specializes in ER!.
Ummm, some do "go in". Just FYI. :lol2:

I knew it! Thank you so much for confirming this long-held suspicion.

I know this site is G-rated, and so in the interest of delicacy, I will just say that my wonderful new husband's many talents and blessings have made furthering my education in this department unneccessary. ;)

Specializes in Looking for a career in NICU.
we get similar calls in nursery all the time.

"could you come pick up brandon for the night"

"what's brandon's last name?"

"jones"

"maam... we don't have a baby jones... what last name was the mom admitted under?"

"smith"

"maam... the baby is admitted as 'boy smith'. in the future, when you call, you'll need to refer to your baby as 'boy smith' so we will know who you are taking about."

(what i wish i could say..."i have 6 babies to care for of the 18 total in the nursery, i do well to keep up with 'boy smith' - i cannot be on a first-name basis with all 18 babies!")

this problem also happens too often when friends & family members call to see if a certain baby is in the nursery. after the call has been bounced a couple of times back and forth between the nursery and nicu, we finally figure out that they are asking for the wrong last name. i have gotten to the point i just go ahead & ask up front, "is that mom's last name?" since married couples are the minority these days - at least at our hospital.

we also have fathers who get flat out angry when we write mom's maiden name on the crib card - some ranting to the point you can't get a word in edgewise to explain that whatever name mom is admitted under is the name the baby will go by for this admission only.

i finally have gotten to the point, when dealing with a dad that is being ridiculous about it, that i say,

"do you want your baby to be sent home with the wrong parents?"

"of course not!" he bellows - but now i have his attention :lol2:

"well then, the baby's name and mom's need to match so that we can keep them paired up, and not get any babies mixed up when we send them home... you will sign papers for the birth certificate before your baby goes home. you can choose the child's legal name then. this is just temporary."

they usually settle down at that point.

(what i wish i could say is "if you want the baby to have your name, then you should have married the mom!!!!!")

i'm one of the ones that freaked out when the hospital did this before my daughter's father and i got married, but for a different reason.

the day after i had my daughter, i called my insurance company to have her added to make absolutely sure i wasn't going to have a medical bill war to deal with for her care.

sure enough, b/c we had different last names, the hospital billed my insurance under my last name so every doctor, every lab, every everything was denied, and it took some digging for me to figure out why.

i eventually got it straightened out. i kept all of her $130,000 worth of bills so when she grows up, she can see how much she "cost".

Specializes in ICU.

Caller: Is this the Expensive Scare Unit

Me: Errr - now you mention it................

Specializes in Trauma, Teaching.
Caller: Is this the Expensive Scare Unit

Me: Errr - now you mention it................

:chuckle :chuckle :roll :roll :roll :chuckle :chuckle

I worked OB for 8 yrs, that comes with a lot of crazy first timer phone calls. But the strangest was during the hurricanes. A husband called and asked if he and the wife should go stay at the hospital, because his mom said the drop in the barometric pressure would make the wife's water break at anytime! The shocker was, he wasn't the only one! We got almost 20 calls about The Barometric Pressure, and if the hospital would board them, just in case!

Laugh if you want, but we do fill-up with laboring moms any time there is a storm -- a greater than usual % come in c/o SROM... hmmmmmmmm.... maybe there is something to that barometric pressure thing....

I've been a neo nurse for a long time. It's not just an old wives' tale --

storms & full moons = busy birthing unit. ;)

Laugh if you want, but we do fill-up with laboring moms any time there is a storm -- a greater than usual % come in c/o SROM... hmmmmmmmm.... maybe there is something to that barometric pressure thing....

I've been a neo nurse for a long time. It's not just an old wives' tale --

storms & full moons = busy birthing unit. ;)

I dated a meteorologist many years ago, and he did a report on "Barometric Babies." I sort of helped him with the report as he needed the name of an OB/GYN who could help him. The report basically stated that in the future, we may be able to predict when babies will arrive according to anticipated high/low pressures over the area. This was in '88, and I don't think that in 20 years we are any closer to predicting a specific baby's arrival based on barometric pressure.

Sort of interesting theory though, but I believe there needs to be other factors taken into consideration.

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