drug diversion vs practicing without a license?

Twoyearnurse · Nov 30, 2015

Most states have a standard contract. In mine- whether your problem was a DUI, taking one narcotic from work, or taking a slew of medications the contract is the same- 5 years. And yes, it seems like a long time until you get into the swing of it.

I sought a lawyers advice (which is always recommendable) but did not take that individual before the board. I was more interested in how to be honest without burying myself. I have never faced the board, just met with a board investigator. That took several months.

Have you told your husband the truth about what happened? You'll need all the support through this endeavor possible.

allnurses Guide · Nov 30, 2015

wow , I thought 3 years was the maximum?! five years seems like quite an awful sentence! this is my first offense so hoping not more than three years? we have tickets to go to Hawaii in mid January.....I hope this process doesn't affect that because we've spent a lot of money to go on this vacation! thank you all for your great advice, so appreciated!!

I went to Hawaii for my Sister's wedding while I was in Diversion. My BON helped me make arrangements with testing labs and there are lots of AA meetings including sunrise on the beach meeting.

Hppy

meloo1969 · Nov 30, 2015

ok, good to know, thank you for your response! any advice on whether to retain an attorney? if I retain an attorney does that mean I am fighting their accusation? i do not want a hearing and I do not want to spend tons of money on this!

meloo1969 · Nov 30, 2015

I was also turned into the DEA....do they always do this/???

Big Blondie, ASN, BSN, MSN, APRN · Nov 30, 2015

No they dont always. But the dea isnt that interested in nurses diverting. In tx anyway.

SororAKS, ADN, RN · Dec 1, 2015

Years ago I felt the same way you do. I just wanted to get it over with and get on with my life, what was left of it. When I saw the requirements of the monitoring program, faced criminal charges, faced all the actions from the BON, the reporting to Federal agencies, for a while I thought I was going to lose it. I walked away. That was the worst thing I could have done. At the time I thought I was done with nursing for many of the same reasons you state. Once the dust settled, the gravity of what I had left behind really hit. I tried to restart my life in something else, turn things around. I went back to school and got a second degree. Things inexplicably (or so I thought) never really got off the ground with a second career, and looking back I believe it had a lot to do with the unfinished business I had. I was a woman without a country. I had committed a tremendous disservice to myself, not to mention my peers and the profession I had worked my ass off for and given so much of myself to.

I highly recommend retaining an attorney specializing in Professional Licensure Issues. Interestingly, I didn't do this. When I hired the firm I retained a year ago to facilitate a return to nursing, he remarked that I need not have walked away. He routinely deals with these situations, and told me I could have gotten a much more reasonable discipline than the three year suspension I did get had I retained an attorney, not walked away, and just gone through the monitoring program.

I am doing just that right now. Years later, yes. I can apply for reinstatement within the next 60 days. The best thing yet, though, is that now I can look myself in the eye. It took a lot of years, but I can finally do that.

I truly know where you are, and know it's a difficult time. One of the hardest things to do is not let the emotions and feelings overtake you, and to act in a proactive manner with an eye towards the future. I'd think twice, three times, before surrendering your license. Just get an attorney, get honest, face what you have done, do what is asked, and stay clean. What are your priorities?

I also recommend telling your husband what happened. He deserves to know. He might also be a solid support system for you, which you need all you can get right now. I don't know where I'd be today without the support of my ex husband during my issues. Yes, we later divorced, but he was there for me then and went through a lot.

Most monitoring programs or BON will allow you to travel. I wouldn't let the thoughts of these things, or the (possibly) long times for monitoring, clutter your mind. I think it's reasonable to want to consider all the responsibilities you will have, but beware of the thin line where they become rationalizations for not dealing with what's going on inside you and what happened.

For me, that was the big question: What the hell happened, and how did I ever do this?

whodatme · Dec 1, 2015

Wonderfully said sororAKS! This is where "the rubber meets the road" happens. It is so easy to get caught up in "what if?" thinking or to just make a checkoff list of what needs to be done. But the fact is, we are dealing with addiction. It has to be faced, and faced honestly. I really didn't want to face all the stuff I did and stuff that needed to be done. I finally gave my power over to God and prayed he would find me where I was. And I was in a bad place. Physically, mentally, and spiritually. I am powerless over my addiction. I acknowledge that daily. I have realized a lot lately, but a powerful message at my church helped me understand that my issue is God, not my circumstances. I was so broken, and I was dealing with a lot of guilt and shame. I kept saying, "God, change my circumstances, and i'll be happy", and God says "get close to me, and regardless or your circumstances you'll be happy". It's so easy to get fixated on just doing what needs to be done on paper. But when you really get down to the point of dealing with yourself and focusing on really taking inventory on who you are and want to find "true" happiness, there's nothing else to focus on. Not trips, not bills, not inconveniences, nothing. Best of luck to you and God bless.

meloo1969 · Dec 1, 2015

wow, so well said ! thank you for taking the time and effort to not only respond, but thoughtfully and with great wisdom! What great advice and so nice to hear it from those who have been in similar circumstances. I am now feeling like I do want to go through with this process. In my mind it would have been an easy way out just to simply give up my license, but the bigger picture has me and my recovery in it, not just my nursing license. I have dealt with addiction issues for many years but have always been a "very functioning addict" and high achiever and have always taken the best care of my patients possible....have never slighted my patients ever. So, in my head, that was justification. But I am tired of waking up in the night with panic attacks because of the guilt and shame. I'm tired of hiding. I want to get better and I'm tired of the roller coaster of drugs and alcohol to numb my emotions. i've been clean for almost three weeks now and feeling better despite the anxiety of what I am facing. My husband is aware of it all and has been a great source of strength and support, altho I must admit he was probably an enabler. my biggest fear still is having my name come out on the BON website as this is a small town, and after 20 years of nursing and working in two hospitals, I know most of the nurses and much of the community knows me as well. i worry about this incident defining me and my 20 years of being a great nurse. Just like Tom Brady now is known for deflate gate , despite being an amazing quarter back. I have been doing meditation and reading scripture and doing a lot of praying which helps , but still the fear is overwhelming at times. and like you said , SORORSKS, it is very tough not to allow the emotions and fear to take over! I have been proactive, but to the point of obsession...because that is what I do (part of my addictive personality I assume). My husband keeps telling me to take a break from it all and do some other things. I have to look to the future and believe that this will not define me and I will get through it a better person. I do believe God has a bigger plan and this was to be. thank you again for your thoughtful responses! â™¥

whodatme · Dec 1, 2015

I live in the in the Dallas area and my wife works at the same hospital I was fired. It is hard to think about sometimes(questions/gossip my wife has to deal with) because I will allow it to eat at me and that doesn't nothing good for me or my recovery. The serenity prayer really helps me focus and keeps me grounded. I'm sure it will take as long as i've been dealing with my addiction to be okay with myself and finally forgive myself. But, I needed to be rescued from my own life. So, people may talk, throw stones, and judge you by what really doesn't define you as a person. They'll move on and we shall continue to fight. And we must always remember, our God is bigger than all these issues!

meloo1969 · Dec 1, 2015

good point, and yes, the serenity prayer! need to go meditate on that right now! thank u â™¥

allnurses Guide · Dec 2, 2015

the only monitoring program where I live is through the BON, so there will always be the disciplinary action on it. they have suspended my license for now

Not always true - California's program is through the BON but contracted out to a monitoring firm. You turn your self into the BON who gives you the option of monitoring. If you complete the monitoring successfully the BON drops the complaint and their is no mark on your license.

Monitoring is not easy and it can get expensive - there were times I just wanted to quit and surrender my license - I am actually a very good sous chef as well as a great dog groomer - but in the end I couldn't walk away from something I had worked so hard for. Changing jobs won't make addictive behavior go away because wherever you go there you are. Sooner or later you have to stop running and turn and face the monster that's chasing you. More often than not you'll find yourself looking in a mirror.

hppy

meloo1969 · Dec 2, 2015

that is nice to have the availability of outside monitoring in other states. I have a friend in Minnesota who does monitoring through an independent program. there is no such thing here in my state. the only monitoring program for nurses in through the BON. and the complaint is already filed in the system and will forever be a part of my record unfortunately. All states are different, but the one I live in happens to have a punitive BON and no other options.