Domestic Violence Survivor.

nicolentony · Apr 3, 2006

OH, Jess1983:icon_hug:

I am sorry to hear of your situation. I have not been involved in domestic violence. However, your past is no future employer's business. They can not ask you by law about your personal life. My advice is to seek help and support wherever you can and keep your head up. Don't go back to your husband, because if he did it once, he's capable of doing it again! Good luck to you hun and god bless you and watch over you!

Multicollinearity, BSN, RN · Apr 3, 2006

Jess,

I don't have personal experience with this issue, but I'm so sorry this happened to you. Thank goodness you are away from your former husband.

I don't understand why this would affect anything with your career. The only one who knows about this, in a job or school situation is you. If you need to explain why you left a job with no notice for example (moving to another city fast) then you could simply say in an interview that you had a severe, isolated family emergency and needed to live near family in the city. "Isolated" stresses that you are dependable and that the situation has passed. Thing is, you may not even need to address the issue of not giving notice to your last employer. Some don't even report this info when called for employment history. Enough said. Good for you, you are on your way.

DutchgirlRN, ASN, RN · Apr 3, 2006

Are there any other people on here who have survived domestic violence? how do you deal with it as a nurse? My husband of almost 2 years decided to try to kill me by throwing me against the wall and choking me. does anyone have any advice? I am going to nursing school, and i was wondering how this will affect my ability to get a job, due to the fact i had to run from the city i was living in to stay with my father.

I'm sorry to hear this Jess. This has no bearing on your ability to be a nurse except that you may be able to help someone else in a similar situation. All too many women stay in abusive situations. Kudos to you for getting out!!!

When you apply to a new school you are not obligated to give anyone any of your personal information. It's nobody business. Good Luck Hon.

yarncrogirl · Apr 3, 2006

Hi Jess1983,

I am a domestic abuse survivor. Its not an easy time in your life and its going to be hard starting over, but you can do it. I agree with the above poster that if he does it once he will do it again. You will still be a great nurse in spite of this and you may be able to help someone else in this situation.

He may beg you to come back and he may have all kinds of apologies and promises of not doing it again, but as hard as it is, try not to fall for it. I say try becuase I fell for it a few times until the last time and I finally got out of the realationship. With Gods help, you can do it. I hope I have made sense.

Hugs, Yarncrogirl

TazziRN, RN · Apr 3, 2006

Hi. While an attempt was never made on my life, I am a survivor also. This has no bearing on whether or not you will make a good nurse. If anything, it will make you a better one. You will be able to help other victims the same way a rape survivor can help other rape victims: you've been there.

Why would relocating affect whether or not you get a job??

Selke · Apr 3, 2006

Jess1983,

Your personal life isn't your school's business. Experience with DV is not their business, and you are under no obligation to tell them, in the same way if you were on, say, antidepressants (this is discussed in another thread, I think). That said, I hope you have gotten a divorce and live away from him where he can't get to you -- the only way I can think it might be an issue for the school is if he stalks you at your school and causes trouble there. There are laws in some states to protect women from workplace violence; I'm not sure if these apply to places other than work.

Other nurses, including myself, have a history with DV, so you're not alone.

I would be careful of sharing this part of your past with other nurses, too. I have heard a lot of self righteousness along the lines of "I would never stay with anybody who treated me badly!" Nurses, and other women who have not been in abusive relationships, can be very judgemental. This will demoralize you, and you need to be built up. I think workplace bullies can tell if one has been a victim in the past ... they will hone in on you. But bear in mind you will be able to connect with and help your DV patients like nobody else will be able to.

I hope you are getting therapy for this. It's critically important that you understand how you got into this relationship because the pattern is likely to repeat itself.

You are a wonderful, beautiful, intelligent woman. You are not whatever bad things he's said about you.

(Sending you hugs.)

TazziRN, RN · Apr 3, 2006

:yeahthat:

LoriAlabamaRN · Apr 3, 2006

I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

I too am a domestic violence survivor. I lived with a man for two years who broke my nose twice and choked me until I was unconscious. He threw me into a wall once also. People don't understand why someone would stay in that situation, but I was young and the relationship started off great, with him being so sweet... it just slowly turned into a nightmare. My self esteem was so low, and that on top of him constantly telling me I deserved it led me to believe that I really did.

I also fled my town... and my state, even. I know the feeling of being adrift and chased by your past.

You will always be stronger because of what you went through. Have you seen a therapist yet? If not, you really need to. It was the best decision I ever made.

PM me anytime to chat!

Also, with the size of this BB, statistically there must be members who are right now in this sort of situation. Even if you aren't ready to leave, please PM me. I do understand...

Happy-ER-RN, RN · Apr 3, 2006

You must find a way to not let your horrible past define who you are.

I am speaking from experience with having a "bad" history, it is so easy to call yourself a victim and seek sympathy from everyone around you. I used to do it. If you are ever going to live a decent life you have to realize that you are not just a vicitm, you are YOU, a person who went through a horrible experience, and now you have to move past that and become you again.

I am sorry but your post is nothing more than attention seeking, I am not saying you are a bad person for doing so, but for your sake you must learn to fulfill yourself in a more constructive way.

Definately see a therpaist.

(ohhhhhhh, I am going to get flamed for this........):stone

Multicollinearity, BSN, RN · Apr 3, 2006

I am sorry but your post is nothing more than attention seeking, I am not saying you are a bad person for doing so, but for your sake you must learn to fulfill yourself in a more constructive way.
Definately see a therpaist.
(ohhhhhhh, I am going to get flamed for this........):stone

I'd like to flame you for the above statement. Yes, I find your statement harsh and with no positive purprose.

Happy-ER-RN, RN · Apr 3, 2006

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