Does your SO understand job stress?

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Hi all,

Do your significant others understand the stress that comes with being an RN? I'm an RN on dayshift working in a very busy med-surg unit. I typically don't get to use the bathroom until after 1pm, rarely get the chance to take a lunch and usually have five acute care patients. I LOVE my job! My issue is that I don't feel my SO understands the physical or emotional strains my job puts on me. He is constantly pushing me to work extra shifts and while the extra cash is great I'm left spending any time off sleeping all day. I do not get to enjoy any days off because I'm literally so tired I go from my bed to the couch. I'm not sure how to get him to understand that my quality of life is more important than money. Does anyone else experience this??

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Specializes in Psych ICU, addictions.

Of course my better half understands stress--he's career military. So he's sympathetic when I have to say no mas​ to work.

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Specializes in adult psych, LTC/SNF, child psych.

Oh boy do I get this. DH is always minimizing my work stress. I just completed my first shift back after a week-long vacation, spent 60 minutes on the phone arguing with pharmacy/wondering what it is that they get paid to do and another 30 minutes battling with an angry IV pump. I never felt caught up at all, and while I was able to breathe when I did take a bathroom break, I realized that I should have taken it wayyy before then. I complained when I got home and all he could say was, "You've only been back for one day!"

He gets ***** when I don't want to do chores or cook after getting home. He's also reassuring me constantly that I'm a good nurse when I get upset about forgetting a task or feel rushed, but it feels more like he doesn't think that kind of stuff should bother me!

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Specializes in Med-Surg, Emergency, CEN.

Only once did my desk job husband try telling me that I do less than he does. I made him live my night schedule for a long weekend. Since I couldn't make him take care of patients, I made him help me clean the house. Then I made him get up every 5 minutes all day for the same random stuff I have to for the pets, kids, phone, etc. Then at the very end of it, I gave him back the exact same line he used earlier in the week.

Cured.

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Specializes in Pediatric Cardiology.

Nope! My husband doesn't understand why I am tired at the end of the day. "You only work 3 days a week" is his favorite line. He is always asking me to pick up extra shifts. He unfortunately will never understand since he can't come to work with me. Oh well, I have my fellow nurses that get it and will let me vent.

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Specializes in Orthopedic, LTC, STR, Med-Surg, Tele.

Mine definitely doesn't. I used to vent about work... he either offers unhelpful solutions (well meaning but totally not real world) or suggests what he would have done instead. I find it's best to talk about work at work (or on AN :D) where people actually GET it!

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Nope! My husband doesn't understand why I am tired at the end of the day. "You only work 3 days a week" is his favorite line. He is always asking me to pick up extra shifts. He unfortunately will never understand since he can't come to work with me. Oh well I have my fellow nurses that get it and will let me vent.[/quote']

Thanks everyone!! So good to know I'm far from being alone!! I'd like my SO to not use the bathroom for eight hours and skip lunch :)

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Specializes in Rehab, critical care.

Sometimes, I feel that my husband doesn't quite understand. But, that's not because he's not understanding; he's just not a nurse and doesn't work in healthcare. But, even though he works a desk job, he understands what I do when I describe it to him. I've told him once or twice what exactly I accomplished in 12 hours for my patient, who I had to call to get that done, how many times I called the lab and/or pharmacy, bedside procedures, trips to OR and/or CT, radiology, and how I eat lunch sometimes at 2 or 3 PM with only 1 quick bathroom break the entire day.

After a few times, he got it. He understood that nurses do a lot, and really respects the profession. So, he never asks me to pick up OT. He'd much rather spend time with me than have me be tired all of the time (like I was when I worked night shift). Now, granted, we didn't or don't really need the extra money. That would be different, and I would volunteer to do OT then.

But, your husband needs a swift kick (not literally lol). Have you ever told him exactly what you do in 12 hours?

Ask him how he would do at his job standing at his computer all day with the phone ringing off the hook, talking to worried or needy co-workers at the same time (to compare to families), having to call IT 4 times to get them to do something they should have done an hour ago (for a report he needed to do 1 hour ago to compare to the amount of times we need to call lab and/or pharmacy), and he doesn't get to eat lunch until 3 PM with no bathroom break or no time for a quick snack.

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Specializes in Rehab, critical care.

But, he does say sometimes, "I wish I could work 3 days a week." To that, he gets an "eye roll." And, a reminder, that 4 days off a week is nice, but we accomplish in 3 days what most people don't even accomplish in 2 weeks at their jobs.

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Specializes in Rehab, critical care.

But, really, I wouldn't trade 3 days a week even for the amount we do in a day sometimes. I can't imagine doing the 9-5 right now with only 2 days off a week. Yuck.

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Specializes in ICU, CM, Geriatrics, Management.

Like many experiences, even if we can describe it well in words, it's very often not really understood.

You've gotta be in the same shoes and environment to totally get it.

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Your SO might not understand your job stress, but we do. You are not alone.

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