Jeez, can't a girl get a break? I am so tired of being bullied by nurses who have been on the unit longer than I have! Some who have only been there a few MONTHS longer.
What's the deal? I'm a professional, too! We do NOT have charge nurses on our unit---it is strictly Team Nursing. Yet the other night, another RN said to me, 'when you work for me, I want you to blah blah blah"...An LPN totally went over my decision on allowing visitors for a patient (the patient was sedated because of extremely violent behavior...3 haldols, 2 ativans and some benadryl--he JUST attacked the guards--I figured it was better to let him sleep than to rouse him) and the LPN sent the visitors up anyhow!
This is ridiculous. I know I am not the only person whose toes have been stepped on. Our supervisor has had meetings with us regarding this problem. Yet it persists!
So...I want to keep the peace, but I think I really need to get a spine, too. HOW???
If I don't remember anything else from nursing school, it's the difference between assertiveness and aggression. We as nurses don't want to be viewed as aggressive but assertiveness is not the same as aggression.
Assertiveness is standing your ground while being respectful of those around you. In other words, defending yourself without being defensive.
I saw this elsewhere on the web but I believe it bears repeating here:
You have the right to ask for what you want.
You have the right to say no to requests or demands You can't meet.
You have the right to express your feelings, positive or negative.
You have the right to change your mind.
You have the right to determine your own priorities.
You have the right not to be responsible for others' behavior, actions feelings, or problems.
You have the right to expect honesty from others.
You have the right to be angry at someone you love.
You have the right to feel scared and say "I'm afraid."
You have the right not to give reasons for your behavior.
You have the right to make decisions based on your feelings.
You have the right to your own needs for personal time.
You have the right to be playful and frivolous.
You have the right to be healthier than those around you.
You have the right to be in a non abusive environment.
You have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people.
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
If I don't remember anything else from nursing school, it's the difference between assertiveness and aggression. We as nurses don't want to be viewed as aggressive but assertiveness is not the same as aggression.
Assertiveness is standing your ground while being respectful of those around you. In other words, defending yourself without being defensive.
I saw this elsewhere on the web but I believe it bears repeating here:
You have the right to ask for what you want.
You have the right to say no to requests or demands You can't meet.
You have the right to express your feelings, positive or negative.
You have the right to change your mind.
You have the right to determine your own priorities.
You have the right not to be responsible for others' behavior, actions feelings, or problems.
You have the right to expect honesty from others.
You have the right to be angry at someone you love.
You have the right to feel scared and say "I'm afraid."
You have the right not to give reasons for your behavior.
You have the right to make decisions based on your feelings.
You have the right to your own needs for personal time.
You have the right to be playful and frivolous.
You have the right to be healthier than those around you.
You have the right to be in a non abusive environment.
You have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people.
Not a speck of aggression in the bunch.
lpnadmin
Exactly. But we have to remind OTHERS we are aware of these rights. That can be a trick. There excellent books and seminars about being assertive. I can't emphasize learning this behavior enough.
to op i know the feeling, in addition to forehead inscription i also have a kick me sign permanently attached to back
i know that i am as competent as the next one i have begun to think that it is a short thing. people will talk to my son while i am standing there [not limited to work situation]
however====learn to stand up as pointed out per posts. do not go to supervisor unless absolutely necessary, if you go frequently it will look bad for you.
tell others that you will take their suggestions under advisement, and do so they might have a point but you are responsible for your own actions so you are not required to accept suggestions as orders
tell lpn that you expect to notified if a like situation presents itself..maybe the family did insist but that does not override what is best for the paitient and that you are the one who makes those decisions..you could have talked with family and explained what was going on..most families just want to know what is going on and if they know they will be kept informed they will be satisified
chat with fellow nurses during break time and make a good working relationship you don't have be there for an ego trip and you don't have to be their best friends but seeing each other as individuals is necessary to enjoy going to work
AND remember this time in your life..welcome new nurses and be helpful stop this distructive behavior now
Isn't it funny when a new nurse comes aboard the ones with the biggest axe to grind or those with personal identity crisis are the first to push you around. The old saying, "Nurses eat their young" IS SO TRUE. Don't hesitate to stand up for yourself and what ou feel is appropriate for your shift and your patients. You will be better respected for it. So what if those who give you the hardest time don't. How long have they been a VITAL part of your life? I rest my case. Comers and goers do just that. Friends and mentor's last a lifetime.
Good luck!
Jeffrey
Jeez, can't a girl get a break? I am so tired of being bullied by nurses who have been on the unit longer than I have! Some who have only been there a few MONTHS longer.
What's the deal? I'm a professional, too! We do NOT have charge nurses on our unit---it is strictly Team Nursing. Yet the other night, another RN said to me, 'when you work for me, I want you to blah blah blah"...An LPN totally went over my decision on allowing visitors for a patient (the patient was sedated because of extremely violent behavior...3 haldols, 2 ativans and some benadryl--he JUST attacked the guards--I figured it was better to let him sleep than to rouse him) and the LPN sent the visitors up anyhow!
This is ridiculous. I know I am not the only person whose toes have been stepped on. Our supervisor has had meetings with us regarding this problem. Yet it persists!
So...I want to keep the peace, but I think I really need to get a spine, too. HOW???
Some good advice here! I also seem to have a "kick me" sign on my back. How does one defend oneself without seeming defensive?
At my new job as a new grad, it is not STAFF that is being unprofessional or bullying but "friends" from nursing school!
There are 5 new grads. Three of us have been friends for 3 years through nursing school, or so I thought. During school, I was often teased by the other 2, at times relentlessly. When I asked them to stop, I was told I "needed sisters" or that I was too sensitive. Sometimes they'd go days at a time ignoring me or being mad at me if I stood up to them.
Well, it has continued at work. I applied at the place first and the other 2 followed with all the same behaviors. Making comments (making me look stupid) in class, the usual stuff. Again, asked them to stop politely--they just laughed. One of the grads not from our school has joined in with them! It got so bad that the jokes became racial--someone looked up derogatory terms for a certain nationality on the internet and decided to share them with the group!
I asked, again for this to stop and it continued with the addition of "let's not talk to her at all or acknowledge her" routine. So, I went to management. Management isn't happy and has promised to speak to the group about "respect" etc.
My question is, what else could I have done but go to management when I politely asked people to stop offending behaviors and they didn't?
How to defend oneself? Thank you.
Needless to say, I'm looking for a new job as I expect this to get worse, not better
Some good advice here! I also seem to have a "kick me" sign on my back. How does one defend oneself without seeming defensive? ...
Well, it has continued at work. I applied at the place first and the other 2 followed with all the same behaviors. Making comments (making me look stupid) in class, the usual stuff. Again, asked them to stop politely--they just laughed. One of the grads not from our school has joined in with them! It got so bad that the jokes became racial--someone looked up derogatory terms for a certain nationality on the internet and decided to share them with the group! ....
Needless to say, I'm looking for a new job as I expect this to get worse, not better
Wait, these bullies are now using race to intimidate you? This is illegal and you need to check out your rights on this. You may have grounds to file a complaint against the hospital and these witches. There are laws against discrimination. Your city's Dept of Human Rights may have a grievance procedure you might be able to take against the hospital (but have another job lined up first). Nursing management, and your nursing school, sound like toxic places to tolerate this unprofessional bullying behavior among the students. Cultural sensitivity is becoming a hot topic that healthcare institutions are trying to comply with, and I think JCAHO is onto them about it. (And they wonder why RNs quit.) Good luck to you.
I'll check out the book links. I "thought" I was being assertive by politely asking them to stop their behavior. What on earth do you do if people just don't stop!
And about discrimination---I'm sure it is an HR nightmare when people go "there" and I'm quite confident that Management WILL talk to us as a group next week and that this sort of behavior will not be tolerated. It's against the hospital's mission statement and all sorts of laws. These people just think it's funny and since I've known most of them for so long, they think it's just another "joke" (like making fun of questions I ask or my nose, or whatever).
I'm not the type to go after people (or the hospital-because it is being addressed)--it's just the way these people act. It's horrible and it needs to stop for the well-being of the unit, the patients and the hospital.
I guess I just fear the fallout, because there will be some. Wow, they may get even MEANER.
I feel your resentment and pain. I'm also a new nurse, tho I've been a CNA since before they required certification, and am not new to the LTC or hospital routine. I found that giving it right back to the offending nurse seems to work well. Don't put up with ANYONE'S crap, and they'll stop trying to give it to you. You're well trained, professional, and ready to work, so just do your job as best you can and don't take anyone's crap!
A particular incident that comes to mind is an AGENCY RN trying to overrule me when i was charge nurse. She felt that since she was an RN, she was better suited to running the floor. I, however, was well versed in the routine and policies of my facility, and it's the facilities policy to have staff run charge over agency. She tried to overrule a decision regarding getting someone up for dinner, and i promptly put her in her place, nicely of course. Since then, she's been nice to me and hasn't tried any other take-overs. Sometimes you just have to throw it right back at them to get them to take notice. Good luck, and I wish you the best.
We all teach people how to treat us, as Dr. Phil may say. It is too bad you, or any of us nurses have to work with the unprofessional and immature nurse. Put a boot up their butt in a nice way, soon they will back off. The firse response to your thread was perfect.
Specializes in LTC,Hospice/palliative care,acute care.
Jeez, can't a girl get a break? I am so tired of being bullied by nurses who have been on the unit longer than I have! Some who have only been there a few MONTHS longer.
What's the deal? I'm a professional, too! We do NOT have charge nurses on our unit---it is strictly Team Nursing. Yet the other night, another RN said to me, 'when you work for me, I want you to blah blah blah"...An LPN totally went over my decision on allowing visitors for a patient (the patient was sedated because of extremely violent behavior...3 haldols, 2 ativans and some benadryl--he JUST attacked the guards--I figured it was better to let him sleep than to rouse him) and the LPN sent the visitors up anyhow!
This is ridiculous. I know I am not the only person whose toes have been stepped on. Our supervisor has had meetings with us regarding this problem. Yet it persists!
So...I want to keep the peace, but I think I really need to get a spine, too. HOW???
You do need to learn to stand up for yourself-more on that later.You also have to be mature enough to accept constructive criticism-maybe the other nurses were both correct and you were wrong?.....Back to the first instance-you have to put nurses like that in their place in a professional manner from the get-go or the ankle biting continues and escalates until you are crawling on bloody stumps...Do some homework-others have given you some resources ...You'll be ready the next time it happens-you have to react instantly and professionally....You certainly DON'T work FOR her...." I appreciate your input and am open to learning FROM you however I find the way I did such and such was better for me-and I believe we are a team however I recognize that you are the senior member" ................................................................................... In the other situation perhaps the nurse explained to the visitors that they could stay if they did not disturb the patient and they agreed to do so? You certainly did not like being told exactly how to do something yet you expect another to follow your orders without question? I'm not going to get into an LPN vs.RN thing here because this situation does not have anything to do with scope of pactice....We're talking about visitors-not an IV push.............
-------------------A big problem that can occur in team nursing is everyone THINKS they are in charge...There really needs to be a designated resource person.They don't call them "charge" because they don't want to give any one the position and the raise.....Maybe you can suggest to the supervisor that you have a rotating "resource/charge" nurse? -------------------------------------------- Also take some time to look at yourself-are you maybe a little over-sensitive at this point? I believe it takes almost a year to get comfortable in a new position and you are under alot of stress-maybe a little depressed,too? Stress and depression certainly heighten our feelings of persecution....-----------------------------------------------------------Speaking from my experience I found it took an effort to stand up for myself.I used to take remarks,criticisms,insults-whatever you want to call them-completely to heart.I'd mull over something for days looking for the true hidden meaning (this is an "only child" trait-sisters and brothers teach you how to tolerate unmerciful teasing) Now if someone says something that I don't like I'll instantly confront it....Get it over with and let it go...Also-as an older "well seasoned" nurse I remind myself that I can still learn something every day-My way is not the only way....And I am amenable to another's ideas cause I MAY be wrong (not often -but sometimes) Good luck
epiphany
543 Posts
I think that should be a required course in nursing school.