Does My Forehead Say "I AM A Door Mat--Walk All Over ME!"?

ShayRN · Feb 13, 2006

Fortunately for me:roll I don't have this problem. I have NO problem standing up for myself. That seems to be the problem here, they know that they can, so they do. What did you say to the other RN who said, When you work for me, you will....I would have said, ummmm, excuse me, I do NOT work for you, I work for the patient. This is how I expect my night to be, starting with, x,y,z.... The LPN who let the visitors in? I would have gone to them, explained that we had just sedated the patient and asked them to go to the waiting room until the patient was awake. Then I would have apoligized for them being allowed in and said, The nurse who said you could come in wasn't involved directly in the patients care and was unaware of the situation. Then I would confront her and explain the situation and tell her the next time she went over my head, I would go over hers. Don't act like a door mat anymore. Go in with your head held high, stand up for yourself, even if your scared, just DO IT. You will be amazed how empowered you feel when you declare, YOU WILL NO LONGER TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME! :rolleyes:

Jabramac · Feb 13, 2006

This must be very frustrating for you. Unfortunatly, nurses have a reputation of eating their young. Have you personally talked with your manager about this? It seems odd to me to have team nursing with out anyone in charge on the floor, but I have never worked with team nursing either. I had this problem when I started work in an ER as a new grad, and even now, 5 years later, there is still one nurse who thinks she can tell me how to practice nursing. I see a lot of it is how I respond to the situations. If I bend over backwards to make thigns work for other nurses they keep walking all over me. But with growing confidence in my own decisions, and standing by them, I don't feel like people walk all over me. Even the one nurse that continues to direct and question me, I now respond and explain that I did it that way because I feel that is the best way, and I will continue to do things that way. She usually mumbles something about telling the maanger, which I think is great. If my manager thinks I am doing something wrong then she should tell me, but if my manager does not see it as a problem, then leave me alone.

Meerkat · Feb 13, 2006

You both have great answers! Yes, I kind of crumble when someone bosses me around. And when I do try to stand up for myself, I feel flustered and can't get the words out right.

I think our supervisor who works in administration is getting pretty sick of all the contention going on on our unit. I hate to keep appraoching her with these issues.

I have had clarification to make sure that there is no charge nurse, and there isn't.

How do I get the confidence to be assertive? I didn;t say a word when the nurse said 'you work for me...'...and the thing with the LPN happened last night...should i still address it when I go to work tonight?

meownsmile, BSN, RN · Feb 13, 2006

If its team nursing why is someone else saying "when you work for me"? Team nursing only means you have supervision of your assigned patients and have the authority to uphold policy as documented in your policy manual. As far as the LPN overriding your decision to let a patient have visitors that is probly the patients decision anyway. We cant isolate people from their family unless they have specifically asked not to see anyone. If they were medicated to that extent, letting family in isnt going to disrupt them if they can even wake them. I'd let that one ride and just forget that one. You could just ask her to clear it with you first next time.

However, the other nurse needs to get off. Ask her to explain to you how you "work for her" and when did they put her in a charge nurse position because they forgot to send out the memo.

Maybe you could remind her that you work "with" her not "for" her and if there is a misunderstanding then you both may need to see the nurse manager and figure this out. I'm sure she isnt wanting to go there, so you may see a different approach from her in the future. And if not, have a meeting, there isnt anything to lose at this point.

zacarias, ASN, RN · Feb 14, 2006

Is true team nursing nursing without a charge on the floor? I've never heard of that. I've worked on a floor without a charge on nights for a while but it was not really team nursing...

Meerkat · Feb 14, 2006

If its team nursing why is someone else saying "when you work for me"?
Beats me! I guess she is on an authority trip! And I'm kicking myself for not saying something!

dukeRN · Feb 14, 2006

Same problem exists on my unit. Major power trip between some of the most experienced staff and the newbies. I have personally witnessed new graduates leaving the parking structure at the end of the day in tears, actually bawling in the car, it breaks my heart. We had one woman, the nurse educator for the floor, sadly, who was consistently rude and abrasive to anyone who was new to the floor, even if they had more or equal related experience to hers (not that that is even relevant, but it goes to the heart of her character I believe), and even with numerous complaints, management would send her to "communication" classes, which were a joke. She would say "they keep sending me to those classes and they just never work", with an "oh well" attitude. She worked on the floor for more than ten years. Phenomenal clinical skills...and the personality of a paper bag. If you didn't suck up to her, she would go out of her way to point out what she felt were flaws, and even "fix" your assignments when she was charge nurse. Finally, after enough complaints, she was essentially asked to step down from her roll as educator, and then, recently, her "reign of terror" ended when the organizatoin respectfully asked her to resign her position early in leiu of graduate school in the summer. While she is now gone, and a distant memory, some of her recruits who unfortunately were bred to believe that nursing = belittling your coworkers to build yourself up remain. Hopefully, with enough of the experienced staff banding together to build up, not tear down, our preceptees, our retention rate will stabilize and we will be a better unit. Whew. Why do we continue to have problems with "eating our own young"???

UM Review RN, ASN, RN · Feb 14, 2006

... Whew. Why do we continue to have problems with "eating our own young"???

Because in nursing school, we're taught to advocate for everyone except for ourselves.

But you need to realize all of these examples of "nurse-eating" can also be examples of "workplace bullying."

The times that you failed to respond? Don't just let it go, use it for practice for something better to say.

Just like a Code, you have to practice defending yourself. You need to gain the confidence that implies you will not put up with maltreatment or disrespect.

Usually you only have to stand up for yourself once or twice and they'll get the hint.

SmilingBluEyes · Feb 14, 2006

I like Angie's advice. Don't be anyone's doormat.....you will learn with time how to defend yourself without being defensive!

neneRN, BSN, RN · Feb 15, 2006

People can't step all over you unless you let them! Easier said than done though, I know. What it takes is confidence in yourself, you have to believe that your decisions are what is best for the pt; don't second guess yourself. Comes with time and experience though!

epiphany · Feb 15, 2006

Because in nursing school, we're taught to advocate for everyone except for ourselves.

So true. This sheds a lot of light into this odd behavior so characteristic of our profession.