Does everyone have a conscience? I used to think everyone did, but now I'm not so sure. My colleagues, most of whom are teachers, always reprimand me when I say a kid is bad.
'There's no such thing as a bad child, just bad behaviour' they sometimes say. What happens if you're convinced someone isn't just bad, but has a black heart?
I was on a school trip to London - not so much as a nurse, simply one of the adults chaperoning about 20 seniors from our private European boarding school.
We were sitting not far from Leister Square at a small cafe enjoying the warm late summer evening, soaking in the crowds, the hubbub of life, when a car went roaring past, way in excess of the speed limit, nearly running over several pedestrians in the overcrowded street.
'What an idiot, he could have killed someone' I exclaimed, while Nurlan burst into laughter.
Nurlan was from Kazakhstan, and most likely his family part of the criminal power structure there - although that would only be a guess, but probably accurate.
I asked him what was so funny, and he said it was funny watching people jump out the way.
'But somebody could have been killed!' I exclaimed, and he laughed louder.
It could have been simply teenage bluster, but something about Nurlan didn't feel right; it seemed sinister. But what would I know, I'm probably over-reacting. But I didn't let it drop.
'So you don't care if someone died?' I asked, and he shrugged his shoulders.
'Why would I care?' His laughter had died, the ice in his voice sending a chill down my spine.
I asked him what if that was his grandmother who got run over and killed, and of course, that would be a different story. He said he'd kill the driver, and I believed him. But I wasn't ready to let up.
I asked him what if it was his grandmother who had been hurt, but hadn't died, but needed help, but everyone stood around not caring, and laughing like he did.
'If everyone else was like you, your grandmother would be dead, because no one stopped to give a damn.'
He because agitated, and told me to shut up, but I was angry as well.
'You should be thankful the world isn't full of people like you' I suggested, and he said he wasn't going to sit there and be insulted by a mere nurse. So he left.
Sadly, Nurlan isn't the only teenager I've met who I suspect has never felt compassion for a stranger, but these people aren't immune to change. Five years in a boarding school is sometimes the best thing for some of our students, because it takes them out of their home environment, which is sometimes lethal, particularly to people they don't like.
Sometimes my job isn't about nursing at all, but trying to bring to life that spark of humanity that I do actually believe is inside of all of us, that has sadly been suppressed all their lives.
I can't say Nurlan graduated much different from when he joined us, but then he was only with us for his senior year, so we didn't have the time to bring out the humanity in him.
But there are many others that we do manage to influence in a positive way, but I'll save that for another time.
