Does anyone else get grief from their family for choosing nursing?

[planetoi]

For the most part, my family is decently supportive of my decision to become a nurse. A bit surprise maybe, but not disrespectful. Except for my mother. She acts like she's happy about it, and says she thinks it's a "very nice career" and that she's proud of me and think's I'm being selfless. But she always manages to get in little jabs here and there that makes me think that SHE thinks I'm above nursing.

For example, the very first time I brought up nursing as a possibility, all she said was "ew that's disgusting." No lie. Also, a few days ago my brother asked me if I wanted to be an OR nurse and my mother interjected with "no she's gonna be the type of nurse that wipes people's asses and gets vomited on." Or sometimes she'll say things to try to discourage me and make me change my mind. Things like "being around sick people all day is just going to depress you" or "you don't know anything about math or science, how are you going to be able to do nursing?" It's just little things like that, you know?

It bothers me a bit, but it's also not going to stop me from going for it. I respect her right to an opinion, but hers seems to stem from the fact that SHE would never want to be a nurse, so she can't understand why I want to be one. I just wish she could respect my decision and have a little faith that I didn't just choose this career on a whim without any idea of what it's going to take.

Do any of you get things like that from your family? How do you deal with it?

[bluegeegoo2, LPN]

When I graduated from PN school, my mother said "So when are you going back to be a RN?" No congratulations or way to go, etc. To put her attitude towards me into perspective, I could have announced that I was appointed to be the next Surgeon General and she would have asked when would I be appointed to the Board of Directors for the World Health Organization. There's obviously quite the history there, but the gist of it is that it wasn't about my choice to be a nurse, rather that I would never be "good enough" no matter what I did and I recognized that. So, being me, I did what I wanted. I have no regrets.

[NurseKateC]

Is there a possibility that your mom had wanted to be a nurse and didn't follow through with it? Maybe there is some jealousy there?

[marayazam]

Im sorry you have to go through this, must be anything but nice.

Try to keep in mind that negative comments are just like a present, you decide whether if opening it and keeping it, or just leaving it aside and not let it be part of yourself.

Usually it's very hard to completely disregard comments from our parents, especially when they are of a non constructive criticizing nature, but you set the limits in terms of how permeable you want to be and it seems to be like the only one having a problem with nursing here is your mom and not you. So, keep your chin up, your hard work and your strength, because you are following YOUR dream to make YOURSELF happy, and that's already a win situation, no matter what anyone thinks!

[Alnitak7]

Some relatives of mine actually came into my work place and started in on me. The lies are interwoven through their speech. One of them actually pushed me away from a patient and accused me of "feigning affection" and this resulted in them being laughed at by me and a co-worker who was there. They also tried reporting me to my supervisor for "pre-charting" when actually there are things you should chart right away because it's dangerous not to. Their attempted "visitor complaints" didn't even make it into my records because people could see through them. My parents though, were always proud that I managed to support myself and to stay in health care for as long as I did.

[brandy1017, ASN, RN]

Sounds like your mom has a problem with the idea of nursing. Maybe she wants more for you. In some cultures nurses are looked down on as mere servants where doctors get all the admiration. If you're ok with all that nursing involves that's all that really matters. Most people will care for loved ones whether children or elderly. Of course it may be easier when there is a close loving relationship as opposed to strangers.

Nursing doesn't have to be about bedpans. There are other options. If I had to do it over again I wish I would have gone on to be an NP. Back in the day it wasn't as common a career option as it is today. I would advise any RN to seriously consider the NP route because it offers the best chance of using your brain and not your body. Plus much better working conditions and more realistic job to do into retirement! I don't know how bedside nurses make it to retirement without ending up in chronic pain or becoming disabled from the job itself. I think bedside nursing is difficult stressful and just downright dangerous! We are getting so many superobese patients now, 400 to 600 pounds on a very regular basis. It never used to be this way and it makes nursing a fearsome proposition!

[portlandnp]

My family and friends are extremely proud that I am a nurse, a PMHNP, and an individual that works with underserved populations. Interestingly, one of my high school pals (and college roommate), her parents are both physicians. Her parents divorced while we were in college. I was very pleased when her father learned of my prospective path and said, "X is a very smart girl, and that is a very smart choice, and if I could do it again I would likely be a PA or pharmacist." My friend's dad always thought I was brilliant. My friend's mom's (a psychiatrist no less) response was, "What? Are you kidding? X is far too smart to be a nurse practitioner. She will have to be a doctor instead." Not surprisingly, to this day, I share a warm relationship with my pal's father, and I have not spoken to her mother since I started grad school.

[littlehoneybee]

Twenty years ago when I decided to go to nursing school, I got criticism from both parents. My mother insisted I was selling myself short and was too smart for nursing (I'd graduated from the number one public university with a science degree) and I heard over and over how back in her day a woman's only path for a career was teacher, librarian, secretary, or nurse, so I should take advantage of my choices and do something different. My father mocked me and said that I was going to die of AIDS (I don't think he ever said a supportive thing to me my whole life, but that's a whole other story...).

I went to nursing school, graduated magna cum laude, and enjoyed a successful career. Some people need to put others down due to their own insecurities. Ignore them!

[happyinmyheart]

To all of the encouraging posters today: Thank you!! You are the reason I love AllNurses :)

[brandy1017, ASN, RN]

Luckily, both my parent have sisters who are nurses. Nurses are respected and make a good living. They might even "marry well" : doctors(the older generation still put a lot of stock in a solid MRS degree as a second degree as well)

Both my parents had another sibling who were doctors. They were fully aware of the workload and sacrifices involved in a career in medicine.

Yes there is the occasional nurse that marries a Dr, but the majority of such nurses ie looking to hook up with a Dr end up mistresses to a married Dr instead, sometimes living in the shadows for years. Also I think marrying a Dr would be a lonely life since most are workaholics. Frankly I'd much rather be with a gardener or world traveler with fun hobbies, the medical field while fascinating is depressing.

What I like about nursing is being free and independent and able to own my own home. I don't see that happening if I had stayed a secretary.

[brandy1017, ASN, RN]

Twenty years ago when I decided to go to nursing school, I got criticism from both parents. My mother insisted I was selling myself short and was too smart for nursing (I'd graduated from the number one public university with a science degree) and I heard over and over how back in her day a woman's only path for a career was teacher, librarian, secretary, or nurse, so I should take advantage of my choices and do something different. My father mocked me and said that I was going to die of AIDS (I don't think he ever said a supportive thing to me my whole life, but that's a whole other story...).

I went to nursing school, graduated magna cum laude, and enjoyed a successful career. Some people need to put others down due to their own insecurities. Ignore them!

Wow! There are just no words. What a cruel thing to say. I didn't get along with my family, esp my father and he was not supportive of my going to nursing school and even told me when I passed boards that it didn't mean I would be a good nurse or last at a job so I know that level of hostility. Luckily his opinion didn't mean anything to me as I didn't think much of him either! My grandma was my rock, she totally supported me and even gave me the security deposit for my apartment when I got my first job!

[GGirll22]

Girl ! Educate your Mother/ family.

[kbrn2002, ADN, RN]

The only family member that tried to dissuade me even a little is my Mom...also a nurse so that was more from a do you know what you are getting yourself into perspective. Once she realized I was actually going to do this, she was nothing but supportive. I would've had a much harder time if my family weren't so supportive. Both my parents helped a lot financially, and I was over 30 years when I started nursing school so it's not like I was a kid just starting adulthood. My husband pretty much took over the household chores and the majority of parenting my daughter so I could study besides working his own full time job.

Some of these stories from those of you with way less than supportive, even toxic families just breaks my heart. So sorry you had to do this without the support you deserved. And kudos to you for getting it done despite them!