For the most part, my family is decently supportive of my decision to become a nurse. A bit surprise maybe, but not disrespectful. Except for my mother. She acts like she's happy about it, and says she thinks it's a "very nice career" and that she's proud of me and think's I'm being selfless. But she always manages to get in little jabs here and there that makes me think that SHE thinks I'm above nursing.
For example, the very first time I brought up nursing as a possibility, all she said was "ew that's disgusting." No lie. Also, a few days ago my brother asked me if I wanted to be an OR nurse and my mother interjected with "no she's gonna be the type of nurse that wipes people's asses and gets vomited on." Or sometimes she'll say things to try to discourage me and make me change my mind. Things like "being around sick people all day is just going to depress you" or "you don't know anything about math or science, how are you going to be able to do nursing?" It's just little things like that, you know?
It bothers me a bit, but it's also not going to stop me from going for it. I respect her right to an opinion, but hers seems to stem from the fact that SHE would never want to be a nurse, so she can't understand why I want to be one. I just wish she could respect my decision and have a little faith that I didn't just choose this career on a whim without any idea of what it's going to take.
Do any of you get things like that from your family? How do you deal with it?
When I was in high school, I told my mother I wanted to become a nurse. Her words were "No you don't- you'll end up killing someone by accident.".............. Fast forward to graduating high school: I ended up going to college for criminal justice, getting my bachelors in hopes of becoming a police officer/working for child protective services, I couldn't find a job and realized this wasn't what I wanted to do anyway, and ended up going back for nursing anyway.
This may be controversial advice, but it sounds like your mom doesn't treat you with respect and you really want to earn respect from her. The problem is that with this type of person, trying to earn their respect by being obedient and being really good will never work. They will just walk all over you, and the more they see how much you want their love, the more they will take advantage of it by putting you down. I had to deal with something similar with my own mother.
In all likelihood, she won't stop treating you like this until you push back. At some point, I stopped being hurt with my mother and started being a ***** when she put me down, giving her a taste of her own medicine and pointing out her shortcomings. I don't suggest doing it that way, but I do suggest being firm and standing up for yourself. Try saying things like, "does it make you feel better when you insult me like that?" Just call it as you see it, and try to remain calm when you do so. When you stand up for yourself it will stop and you'll come to an understanding.
Same here. I decided at a young age I wasn't going to have kids.
I went the other way and had a whole gaggle.
The experience of raising my children is teaching me just how damaged my mother really is, because I cannot imagine cutting down my kids the way many of us have experienced. It's like having your heart walking outside your body, and I want the best for them so badly it can be painful. I respect them as individuals capable of determining their own desires and needs (commensurate with maturity of course) and haven't shot down any proposed futures yet, not even when pro basketball came up. I did point out that statistics were against him, but they were against every professional athlete, so, so what? Try if that's what you really want, just have a backup and a way to make a living until you get there. Also, though, the young are supposed to dream. Take that away and you're not helping, you're just making them old and bitter before their time.
My parents are generally ok about me being in nursing school, however once in awhile, they talk about how they think I should go to medical school after, or that I'm "too smart" not to go to med school. I've told them over and over that I love nursing, that smart people go into nursing too (and that you have to be smart to do well a science-based curriculum and field like nursing), and that in nursing, besides being a clinician as an RN, I can continue my education and become a provider as an NP, CRNA, etc, doing essentially the same things as physicians (cue the throwing of tomatoes by the critics!).
I often think that this stems from them not knowing what nursing actually involves, and what we study in nursing school (sometimes I show them the textbooks). I think that this is an issue for the general public as well. Nurses aren't robots following doctors orders (I always laugh when I watch Grey's Anatomy and the only line the invisible nurse has is "right away, doctor!") and putting in bed pans. Yes, nurses do implement the orders of providers (which could also be another nurse, such as an NP), and nurses do put patients on bed pans, but that is a very small part of what nursing involves, and what nurses learn in nursing school. I think that the media contributes to a lot of this, where we hear time and time again about how a physician did this or that, and nurses are generally invisible, unless there was a problem, or if a nurse was infected with ebola. One of my life goals is to do my part to help the public better understand what nursing is, what nurses study, and what nurses do. So, I'm kind of grateful for the infrequent grief my family gives me for choosing nursing!
Yeah, I think that sort old fashioned way of looking at nurses is a big part of the problem. I get the impression that my mother thinks that all nurses do are bathe patients and take orders from doctors, which I understand is a big part of the career, but certainly not the ONLY part. The medical shows where all the nurses are addicts, riddled with STIs and having affairs with everyone don't really help matters either haha
I get criticized by mother for being an LPN, and not finishing the RN program. I am 52 and have had some injuries that stopped me in my educational goals. She tells people I am an Rn, it's like she can't be proud of me for going back to school later in life and accomplishing LPN. That is how she has always been, I just accept it. Some people are just who they are and we can't take it to heart. Do what you love to do, and let it go. :)
I can relate. My mother thought I was too introverted to be a nurse, that I should work "in a lab or something - by myself" instead. Never mind that I absolutely hated the clerical jobs I had before becoming a nurse (which she thought would be appropriate or adequate/good enough for me). And never mind that I was in my thirties when I started nursing school!
Sigh... I can only hope I'll be more supportive of my own kids when the time comes.
I get the same thing from her as well, about the introversion. But in my opinion, I think good nurses come in all types. Not every patient wants to be chatty when they're in a lot of pain or they're embarrassed, you know? I'm sure I'll find my niche as an introvert in the nursing world.
Your mother sounds just like my father. When I graduated high school, I announced I wanted to go to nursing school. He actually forbid me to go. He said no daughter of his was going to empty bedpans for a living!
So I never went to nursing shcool. Here i am now in my 40's. My youngest will be leaving for college at the end of the year and I am preparing to finally pursue my dream.
Im still shocked that some people (like your mother and my father) have such little respect for nurses.
I know, it's really very surprising in this day and age. I suppose it stems from the old view that nursing is a "woman's" job, back in a time where women weren't respected. We're getting better though. I'm glad you're getting to live your dream though!
majored in Communications, made tons of friends, and joined a sorority. Instead I'm busting my butt to get straight A's, gain leadership experience, and prepare myself for Nursing School.
We just want different things.... She says she's proud but has those hurtful comments as well. She doesn't understand that Nursing school is hard and thinks I could have challenged myself more majoring in business or communications...
I don't get it! I'm in the process of coming to terms with this and not caring what she thinks :)
(Disclaimer: I know you can be in a sorority and get good grades. This is just an issue between my mom & I)
That's exactly it, my mom and I want different things. I know at the end of the day she just wants what's best for me and for me to be happy, but I wish she would let me figure it out for myself, you know? She always wanted me to be a writer or an artist.
My mom is a nurse and when I told her I was going to change my major to nursing I thought she was going to be really happy but she said jabs about it..."ill believe it when I see it" and "what about medical assisting" which I thought was a diss because she thought I couldnt make the grades or something. It did bother me but like what alot of people are saying on here, that shows more about her issues than mine. She should be happy im challenging myself and setting myself up for a good future. On the bright side it toughed my skin alot so if/when I get crap from instructors It wont bother me at all haha. Noone knows what youll be good at/ enjoy better than you do, even your own mother. And I'm sure when shes older and needs help she will be happy that I can afford to provide whatever care she need.
Haha I guess there's always something to learn from every experience, right?
Nursing2102
276 Posts
When I was in high school, I told my mother I wanted to become a nurse. Her words were "No you don't- you'll end up killing someone by accident.".............. Fast forward to graduating high school: I ended up going to college for criminal justice, getting my bachelors in hopes of becoming a police officer/working for child protective services, I couldn't find a job and realized this wasn't what I wanted to do anyway, and ended up going back for nursing anyway.
Moral: Do what you want and forget the rest.