Doctors Say the Darnedest Things - WIN $250! Nurses Week Contest 2018

missmollie, ADN, BSN, RN · Apr 30, 2018

Patient with frontal lobe injury which makes them prone to do whatever they damn well please. In this case, it was masturbating furiously. Right before doctor rounds, I went into her room. I put her gown back on her, peak out the door, and see the doctors are only one door down. I tuck her in with her blanket to keep her hands out of a certain area. Walking out of the door, I tell the neurosurgeon "I just got her all dressed and she should be good". He nods his head and slips into the room followed by residents. I go to my computer and chart.

Five minutes later, he is walking behind my chair to the next room. I ask him "Everything okay in there?" He responds with one emphatic word:

YOLO!

kbrn2002, ADN, RN · Apr 30, 2018

I had an elderly woman reaching end of life, actively dying and it was not the peaceful process it can be. She was clearly suffering and agitated with it. A call was placed to the MD who proceeded to refuse the requested morphine order as he "didn't want to create an addict." Create an addict??? The poor woman was dying, she clearly wasn't going to live long enough to become addicted to anything. No arguing my case would sway this doctor until I threatened to go over his head and call our medical director for orders, then the order was quite grudgingly given. I did report all this to our DON which must've resulted in the complaint moving up the ladder because not long after that this doctor was no longer on our rounding or on call rotation.

Racer15, BSN, RN · May 1, 2018

"Hey bro!" as he enters a patient room with his baseball cap flipped backwards, oi.

mmc51264, BSN, MSN, RN · May 1, 2018

just this weekend, a resident, who is almost done with first year, puts in an order for pt to be NPO at midnight , starting at 1159. (they have started going a minute before or after 0000 because of confusion). Well of course THAT IS LUNCHTIME. I call the resident on call to get him to fix it. He asked who ordered it that way so he could give them a hard time. I told him who it was, it is one that is not going to make it-makes a lot of mistakes. My resident fixed it. I told that other resident makes a lot mistakes and he says, That's why we have you nurse to catch these! Wasn't sure if that was a compliment or a bit of arrogance. Never had one say something like that so blatantly

The good ones do learn early how to let the nurses help and the hell there is to pay if you ever throw one under the bus.

Nurseways · May 2, 2018

I once worked in a busy LDRP unit where had Family Medicine Residents completed their OB rotations. One night, a patient at 34 weeks gestation, with a partial abruption, started having a non-reassuring fetal heart tracing.

After the normal interventions (change positions, fluid bolus, O2) the fetal heart tracing started improving. However, there were still some occasional DEEP decelerations.

I took the patient's food and water and explained what was happening with her baby's heart rate and that at this time not to eat or drink anything. The patient was aware and agreed.

The on-call first-year resident came into the room came into the room as I was explaining everything to the patient and her husband. The resident said to me, "I need to speak to you." So we stepped out of the room.

She (the resident) pretty much reamed me out. "How dare you give orders to MY patient, without even talking to me. I think this patient is dehydrated, so give her her PO fluids back right now."

I very calmly explained about the fetal heart tracing, and that while it was better it wasn't ideal. She stopped me and then said, "I am the doctor you are the nurse, and you will do what I tell you."

So I reply, "Let me get this straight. You want me to give a patient PO fluids because you're the doctor? The tracing is just now recovering. Why don't we watch it for a bit, and then if it stabilizes we can give her PO fluids back."

"Well, I guess that would be okay, but her lips are cracked, that means dehydration. I want you to give her some Glycerin swabs, and make that STAT!" Our unit didn't even stock Glycerin swabs!

It wasn't five minutes later, the fetal heart rate had a prolonged deceleration, and we rushed her to the OR for an emergency Cesarean Section. She never got those Glycerin swabs!

Babynursefaith · May 3, 2018

We had a resident trying to tell a pregnant woman that she was going to check her cervix. The patient only spoke spanish. The resident told the patient "checkar su pollo" which in Spanish means, check your chicken. The patient amazingly enough just assumed the position for checking.

Davey Do · May 4, 2018

We had a resident trying to tell a pregnant woman that she was going to check her cervix. The patient only spoke spanish. The resident told the patient "checkar su pollo" which in Spanish means, check your chicken. The patient amazingly enough just assumed the position for checking.

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sonia5219 · May 4, 2018

There was this particular patient who was a frequent flyer to the hospital and different skilled facilities. The doctor was reviewing his chart before he went in the room. This particular doctor had seen the patient at several other skilled facilities. The doctor goes in the room and I over heard him say, "If death was at midnight, you would be at 11:59pm". I almost passed out when I heard the doctor say this. I just knew a hotline call, the state, Adult protective services would be coming in on Monday. I went in the room to see how the patient was doing. The patient proceed to tell me in the biggest smile and laughter what the doctor said. The patient thought this was the best thing he had ever heard. That shocked me to death.

dec2007 · May 4, 2018

We had a particular patient who was frequently admitted due to her heart issues. She was an overly dramatic individual with many, many issues. Her heart problems were real, but some of the others were more attention seeking. I laughed when I read his latest H &P which began "The saga continues..."

Penny_Cillin · May 5, 2018

In the middle of a 4 vessel CABG, out of nowhere he looks up at the Cardiac Anesthesia Resident and says "You realize you're just a glorified barista, right?" and then casually goes back to sewing the distals. What the....?

japowell8 · May 5, 2018

new resident in the ICU asks me after telling the new resident a Dophoff wont go down... He looks at me and says Do you EVEN know how to do one??? pt ended having a g-tube placed in IR I still let the resident know this today

Smilingnurse1011 · May 6, 2018

One of my patients was transferred from the ICU to my care on med/surg. He just had a second AKA and was experiencing phantom pains along with surgical pain.

This particular intensivist doctor was notoriously stingy with medicating patients for pain. But, as the patients advocate I didn't give up! I called the doctor 3 times and he finally called back. His orders were to provide non pharmacologic pain relief by teaching the patient yoga! YOGA!

I told that stingy man that he can come and teach the patient "downward dog" as I am not a yoga instructor, but in the meantime I needed pain medication for the patient! Namaste!

I was so nervous, but it paid off, my patient got what he needed and I got to finally tell that man off.