Doctors Say the Darnedest Things - WIN $250! Nurses Week Contest 2018

[Brian S.]

The doctor said WHAT?!?! Some of what is said is jaw-dropping, other phrases uttered are unbelievable while other things heard from the mouths of doctors leave you shaking your head is disbelief for the rest of your shift. Those sayings are truly memorable but when you share them here in the comments below, you could win one of two $250 grand prize amazon.com gift cards as part of our 8 Days of Giveaways.

Nurses Week is all about honoring nurses, appreciating all you do for those in need of care and having some fun along the way! Keep the fun going with our Doctors Say the Darnedest Things contest. Fear not, though, because even if you don't win one of the two $250 amazon.com gran prize gift cards you're still eligible to win one of two runner up prize packs containing some awesome gifts including the items shown in the photo below and plenty more!

What are you waiting for? Tell us those memorable things you've heard doctors say and get that much closer to winning!

There are more contests, too...

• Fill in the Blank Contest
• National Nurses Week Cartoon Caption Contest (sponsored bu rukuku)
• Patients Say the Darnedest Things Contest (sponsored by relode)
• Create a Meme Contest (sponsored by Performance Health)
• Best Tips for Nurses Contest
• Share Your Favorite Motivational Quote (sponsored by Medelita)

Have fun, thanks to all of the nurses across the country and Happy National Nurses Week!!!

National Nurses Week Celebration 30 Days of Celebration / 8 Days of Giveaways

UPDATED May 15 ... and the winner is...

As promised, the winners are posted below. Thanks for all of the awesome and creative entries!!! Feel free to share!

[Maggiemoo1961]

Many years ago I worked in a surgical intensive care unit. I was working night shift and trying to keep up with two unstable patients. One of my patients started to have uncontrolled bright red rectal bleeding, so I called the surgical resident who was on call. He was sleeping in the "on call" room. I explained the situation to him and asked him what he wanted to do. He was obviously still asleep since he told me to "put a hemostat on it."!!! You can believe he never heard the end of that one!

[MeltotheG]

I know I had a glove on when I started this rectal exam.

[BeckyESRN]

Yesterday at work there was a person reading a book to some of the residents. I was at the computer charting and the Dr leans over and says "Should we go get some earplugs? I can't concentrate, I don't know about you!"

After re-reading this, I realized that you meant long term care residents, not fresh new doctor residents! I cannot shake the image of young docs sitting cross legged on their carpet squares listening to some one reading them an A&P book aloud!

[RyzenRN, ASN, BSN, MSN]

I had a doctor tell a patient and family while I was in the room that nurses were worthless. The family responded "but the nurse practitioner said..." Where said Dr then stated nurse practitioners aren't any better than you are they've only had two years of school". Stunned looks came across all our faces. I had to excuse myself from the room. Yes, doctors say the darndest things.

[Bugaloo]

A long time ago, I was taking care of a little old lady who had just had a hip replacement. She has Sundowner's and kept trying to climb out of bed. The bed alarm had went off about 10 times in one hour. Concerned for her safety, I called the on-call doctor, thinking he might order a light sedative.

The on-call doctor, unfortunately, had a well known problem with alcohol. And unfortunately for me, he was inebriated when I called him. Here's how the conversation went:

Me: Dr. G, the patient in Room 201, Mrs. M., is confused and trying to climb out of bed. We have been unsuccessful in trying to get her to sleep. Could you please order a light sedative to help her relax?

Dr. G: (Slurring his words) Nah, just tie her down.

Me: So, you are ordering restraints?

Dr. G: NO! I said "Tie her down!!" Take some rope and tie her to the bed!!

Me: No disrespect, but I don't think we can do that. I'll run that by my charge nurse.

Dr. G: (laughing hysterically) Naaaahhhh!!!! I'm just messing with you! I know we can't do that! So, in all seriousness, let's do this. Let's tie her to the bed with rope.

Me: Ummm. Alrighty then......

Needless to say, I never got my order for a light sedative.

[Nurse Beth, MSN]

Doctor dictating H&P: "Female presented with abdominal pain after eating at a Chinese restaurant that also serves fried chicken"

[mydestinyy]

Hey Doc X , your patient Mr. Y needs to be intubated.. he isn't responding much and he is about to code...Dr.X says " give me twenty minutes to finish my documentation. Then call code as soon as I leave .I am too tired." At first I couldn't believe my ears and said " excuse me?".. he repeats he is too tired... I went ahead and called code 🤦🏼*♀️ By the time we got started I saw him fly out the door 🤬😡

[Brian S.]

Thanks to everyone who has submitted an entry for our Doctors Say the Darnedest Things Nurses Week 2018 contest. The winners have been selected and notified via private message so check your inbox to see if you've won! The grand prize winners have also had their winning entries turned into images and are posted in this topic! Thanks again and Happy Nurses Week!!!

[Leader25, ASN, BSN, RN]

The patient died I called the doctor on call to come pronounce the patient,....Doc:what do mean he is dead,?how do you know he is dead? Did he tell you Hey Im dead?

Me:I handed the phone to the Mgr. and walked away.

[Leader25, ASN, BSN, RN]

As in the old days we had to give flushes called harris flush,

Doc ordered one for gas relief of this maternity patient.

The next day the Doc tells me , with a big smile , you know Nurse ..."I just told the patient we have just finished having condolence services for the nurse you blew away with your gas.!!!".

[Leader25, ASN, BSN, RN]

Me answering phone :hello unit so sand so may I help you?

Caller:"this is the morgue , I have a funeral home person here to pick up the patient"

Me: Sorry but we do not have any dead patients up , here only live ones"

Morgue "Well ,we have a name,and they are very upset the patient is not here".

Me:Sir, believe me ,we do not keep deceased patients in our mini fridge"

Morgue: "Can some one check?"