Doctors Say the Darnedest Things - WIN $250! Nurses Week Contest 2018

[Brian S.]

The doctor said WHAT?!?! Some of what is said is jaw-dropping, other phrases uttered are unbelievable while other things heard from the mouths of doctors leave you shaking your head is disbelief for the rest of your shift. Those sayings are truly memorable but when you share them here in the comments below, you could win one of two $250 grand prize amazon.com gift cards as part of our 8 Days of Giveaways.

Nurses Week is all about honoring nurses, appreciating all you do for those in need of care and having some fun along the way! Keep the fun going with our Doctors Say the Darnedest Things contest. Fear not, though, because even if you don't win one of the two $250 amazon.com gran prize gift cards you're still eligible to win one of two runner up prize packs containing some awesome gifts including the items shown in the photo below and plenty more!

What are you waiting for? Tell us those memorable things you've heard doctors say and get that much closer to winning!

There are more contests, too...

• Fill in the Blank Contest
• National Nurses Week Cartoon Caption Contest (sponsored bu rukuku)
• Patients Say the Darnedest Things Contest (sponsored by relode)
• Create a Meme Contest (sponsored by Performance Health)
• Best Tips for Nurses Contest
• Share Your Favorite Motivational Quote (sponsored by Medelita)

Have fun, thanks to all of the nurses across the country and Happy National Nurses Week!!!

National Nurses Week Celebration 30 Days of Celebration / 8 Days of Giveaways

UPDATED May 15 ... and the winner is...

As promised, the winners are posted below. Thanks for all of the awesome and creative entries!!! Feel free to share!

[depalma.amada]

*After order is given*

*looks down at chart*

Doctor: Soo... are you single?

[Nurse_Michael]

I was in one of the ER exam rooms assisting a doctor with an assessment when a gentleman in a suit strode in without permission and loudly declared that he needed to be seen. "I'm no doctor," he stated loudly, rolling his eyes. "But I have a problem and my time is valuable."

The doctor didn't even look up from his notepad and replied "well, I'm no proctologist, but I can already tell your main problem is that you're a giant ass."

We all remained there quietly for several seconds while the man processed the encounter, then turned and left to sit in the waiting room.

[BeckyESRN]

Written in a chart "Xanax 8mg po repeat until snowed, Xanax 4mg po to maintain level of snowed-ness. Xanax 2mg po for the wife" In the Doc's defense, this patient needed to be snowed in order to be tolerable!

Another gem, same Doc "Patient should move to a 3rd world country with better air and less available food"

[shirl1026]

I was doing rounds with doctor, we were in with a an elderly woman admitted with nausea/ vomiting, suddenly she started vomiting. Doctor turns around and looks at me you can clean that up , you are housekeeping as well.!! walk out the room !!

[dec2007]

I can't fix stupid but i can sedate it

Unfortunately, not if it's a physician.

[dec2007]

Written in a chart "Xanax 8mg po repeat until snowed, Xanax 4mg po to maintain level of snowed-ness. Xanax 2mg po for the wife" In the Doc's defense, this patient needed to be snowed in order to be tolerable!

Another gem, same Doc "Patient should move to a 3rd world country with better air and less available food"

Oh my gosh, I would love to meet that doctor. I think we would be friends!

[beckster_01, BSN, RN]

Scene: Patient is comfortably sleeping while on a trach collar, the ventilator next to him reads "STANDBY" in big, bold letters.

Resident walks in and stares intently at the ventilator for a few minutes, then looks at me and asks "so what are his ventilator settings at this morning?"

There was also that time when I was peeking over the doctor's shoulder while he was looking at a chest x-ray for line placement, then he looks at me and asks (he was not being facetious), "well, do you think it's in the right spot?" "I'm sorry doc, that's a bit above my paygrade, I just like looking at the pictures."

[Nursenicoleb]

Working in a OR with a below the knee amputation and the doctor hands the nerve off and goes,"you've got some nerve"

So I responded when I left the room with "break a leg guys!"

Different situation, when we had to remove a kidney, the surgeon then dropped it on accident(DONT PANIC IT WAS NOT GOING ANYWHERE) and the surgeon goes and looks at us and says,"good thing that wasn't going to anyone!"

all of us in the room did not laugh....I had to pick up the kidney...

[ehorvath]

Doctor about to do a minor procedure on a patient. Patient asks how many times did you do this? Doctor states once or twice and says to me hurry up and pull up a wikihow

[mmc51264, BSN, MSN, RN]

I just remembered this.

I had a pt that was a hot mess. Blind, end stage everything from uncontrolled diabetes. She was being followed by psych. There was a resident on one week. His name was Alex. She would scream his name. It was very sad. I would page him and he would come. he was so good with her. I offered to care for her when I was on. (I work on an ortho floor so she was very off service). Well one day, they discovered she had an ileus and needed an NG tube. Alex came. I handed to him (I was still pretty new and I know she woudl be tricky). He gave it back to me and said"you do it" I said no-you do it. We went back and forth a little. And I told him You do it-you're the doctor! "I'm not a doctor, I'm a psychiatrist!" I about wet my pants. he ended up doing it LOL

[#Nurse2017]

Nurse: The patient's LLE has an 8x10cm ulceration w/40% greenish-white slough, heavy purulent drainage w/pungent odor, +4 pitting edema in total LLE. Patient's temp is 99.8, apical HR 123, BP 98/60, respirations 32. Waiting for further instructions.

Doctor: Monitor please.

Nurse:????!!!???

[Kwade_84]

Working in an ER, the doctor asked the mother of a pediatric patient, "why did you name your child that? You know she's going to have a hard time learning to spell that name at school."