Nurse_Michael

I was in one of the ER exam rooms assisting a doctor with an assessment when a gentleman in a suit strode in without permission and loudly declared that he needed to be seen. "I'm no doctor," he stated loudly, rolling his eyes. "But I have a problem and my time is valuable." The doctor didn't even look up from his notepad and replied "well, I'm no proctologist, but I can already tell your main problem is that you're a giant ass." We all remained there quietly for several seconds while the man processed the encounter, then turned and left to sit in the waiting room.

"Try. Just try. Most people don't. You'll be surprised how easy life is with so little competition." - My Dad

"Don't panic." - Douglas Adams, Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

When you write the Make a Wish foundation to send you a nurse with something clingy on and autocorrect fails you.

I was explaining to a patient's wife that he had removed his own catheter during the night, balloon and all. Miraculously, there was very little bleeding and, by morning, no obvious sign of trauma. The wife put her hand over her eyes and shook her head. Then she asked her husband loudly, "That was some trick, dear. What do you have to say?" To which her husband sheepishly replied: "taa-daa?"

"Hi, my name is Mary-Anne from management. Due to recent budget cuts, I'm here to show you our new airborne/droplet-protection protocol. First, you simply wave your hands protectively over your head and... wait... where is everyone going?!?"