Doctors Say the Darnedest Things

Debjane12 · May 10, 2017

We had a patient with an small abscess on her tail bone. While he explained how sweat getting in the crease is a contributing factor he said, "this is a common occurrence when you have an apple bottom." I wasn't sure if I should be impressed the 68 year old doctor knew that phrase or embarrassed for the teen whos face than turned apple red.

NurseStorm, BSN, RN · May 10, 2017

As a fairly new nurse my patient was a mother who had delivered approx 10 hrs prior. She was in a lot of pain and when I assessed her perineum I noted a very large firm area that I suspected was possibly a hematoma but there was no discoloration so I wasn't sure, but I knew something was very wrong. I got my senior co-worker to come assess and she agreed it was a hematoma and the dr needed to come in asap as the patient would likely need to be taken to the OR.

When I called the dr I told him my assessment and stated "both 'Mary' and I agree you need to come and assess her immediately" The doctor stated "oh put a bag of peas on it" :| Confused I stated I already had tried both perineal pad ice packs and then actual ice in a bag and nothing was giving any relief or making any change. Reluctantly he came in to assess. Walking down the hall to the patient's room, he again says "I told you, all she needs is a bag of peas on it" and getting annoyed I state "Well just look at it please". 2 seconds after examining her perineum he turns around to me, with a surprised look on his face and says "Oh, we will need to go to the OR to evacuate this.. Please call the supervisor".

Awhile later when he returns from the OR to chart, he sheepishly states "... and I said put a bag of peas on it.." :wacky:

NurseStorm, BSN, RN · May 10, 2017

Another situation was I had a pediatric patient, with a mother who was having incredible anxiety over her child being admitted. She was about 8 or 9, and in with a mild asthma flare up. Nothing at all to indicate it was in anyway life threatening. The patient was not on oxygen, not requiring many puffers etc. However the mother was convinced her child was going to die (tonight). I tried to be very supportive and reassuring. Pointing out all the positive signs of progress and acknowledging it must've been very scary when her child was having difficulty breathing but we deal with a lot of asthmatic children and it can be fairly easily managed, etc etc. I told her I could arrange for the asthma education centre to work with her and she was starting to calm down a bit.

Then the pediatrician comes in, and she states "Doctor, I'm so worried. Is she going to die tonight??" and he says -wait for it- "Well I don't know, I'm not God", then leaves. :facepalm: :no:

So I then had to deal with her becoming all upset again ("Well the doctor says he doesn't know!! So he must think it's a real possibility! Oh my god I knew it, I knew there was a high chance" etc) God love the poor woman, I finally got her to relax by emphasizing that the doctor clearly meant anyone can die at anytime and he can't predict the future, not that there was anything to indicate it.

I had a little talk with him afterwards about why answering an upset parent with a line like that may not be the best approach :lol2: :whistling:

NurseStorm, BSN, RN · May 10, 2017

Another one, one my very first clinical rotation, which was in a long term care facility I was doing my "research" for my patient, reading through the chart and doctor notes. The patient had dementia and apparently quite frequent mood swings/changes in mood. The doctor wrote "Patient is emotionally incontinent" :wideyed: :unsure: :roflmao: LOL

I don't remember many specific charting things like this, but that one has stuck with me all these years hahah (occured in early 2008)

Jgarner · May 10, 2017

MD note on a diabetic patient: "He's as brittle as a piece of stale bread left out in the sun."

Carathenurse · May 10, 2017

It was night shift and I had already called and woke a grumpy physician several times to talk about his patient. The patient ended up going down-hill fast, coded and died. When I called to notify the physician, he answered his phone with "God dammit, he better be dead!".

valx92 · May 10, 2017

The infectious disease doctor was rounding on a 87 year old patient who had been started by one of the fellows on antibiotics for possible gonorrhea. The ID doc writes in his progress note: "at this time I will discontinue antibiotics as it is unlikely the patient has gonorrhea. If indeed it does turn out to be gonorrhea, I will still continue to hold antibiotics, and instead prescribe a round of applause." :laugh:

silkygold, CNA, RN · May 10, 2017

"I am not an alien. I promise I'm from planet earth."

MamaJ37 · May 10, 2017

I was sitting @ the computer doing my chart, and this one doctor who I have interacted with a few times comes up out of the blue! and says "Talk to the Hand"! I'm like Uhhhh??? It was funny because the doctor in particular is always so Straight Forward and never really smiles.

Stacylee1 · May 11, 2017

A doctor once wrote as an order "do not turn patients tv to cmt"

Kooky Korky, BSN, RN · May 11, 2017

Someone accidentally gave an enema with the cap still on and we had to inform the doctor. He fell out of his chair laughing and said "you bust a cap in his ass"

LOL So where did the cap end up? Did the pt BM? Did you have to repeat the enema? Was the pt informed?

Kooky Korky, BSN, RN · May 11, 2017

Nurse calls MD and inform him that pt is N/V. MD asked nurse what do you think I should do?

Believe it or not, this happens often enough. Either they are being sarcastic or they really don't know, if you can picture that.