Do I have to give my job information about my court hearing?

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Specializes in LTC.

I have a court case coming up in a month and when I told the staffing coordinator about it she said she needed documentation. Originally I told her that I needed a personal day, then the ADON who was also in the office said half way joking " We may can not give you that day off" I responded " I have a court date that day"

Then the staffing coordinator stated that she needed a copy of the paper work from court. :confused:

I know that my job will find out sooner or later that I'm going through a divorce but I just don't feel like Its necessary to give them this personal information at this time. The court case is at 9am , so I'm worried that she will expect me to work my scheduled 3-11 shift.

Even though I could make it to work, I honestly don't feel up to it emotionally and rather take the whole day off. I never brought my personal problems to work. Most of my coworkers know me as a young, bubbly single person and have no idea what I'm going through and I rather keep it that way.

What are your thoughts ? Am I required to provide this documentation ?

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Specializes in Hospice / Psych / RNAC.

I wouldn't give them my court papers for a divorce hearing; that's ridiculous IMO. When people hear court they automatically assume it's criminal. You could just give them the docket number info printed from the court. Perhaps someone else is more knowledgeable on this but it sounds dumb. You have privacy rights.

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Has the schedule that includes the day in question come out yet? If you have already committed to that date, I could see them asking for a reason.

But if you're asking for a PTO day a month in advance on a schedule that's just now being put together, then their request is not cool. The whole point of having PTO days is so that employees have some downtime--for whatever reason--built into their schedules. Whether it's for an illness or a child's school field trip or a court case, if you have enough time in your bank, you should not have to justify your request. Some employers need to wise up and learn to respect their PTO obligation instead of acting as if they're doing their employees a favor by granting the time off.

Not saying your employer is doing this. It just seems odd that they're giving you grief even with a month's notice.

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Specializes in ER, Trauma.

I'd get something in writing from your attorney proving that you have a court date, and I think better to tell them it's for divorce than leave it to their imaginations. The court records become available for public access, but that doesn't mean you have to make the details of your life easily available to your employer. IMHO

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Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.

I agree with rn/writer........you are giving them more than enough time. Some people I have noticed do this as an control issue and it burns my bum!!!! Just copy your summons with the date and black out what you do not wish them to see......but sometimes....the imagination is worse than the truth. It's none of their business but sometimes it the lesser of 2 evils....good luck!

This too shall pass! ((HUGS))

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Specializes in psych, addictions, hospice, education.

I'm with dthfytr. A note from your attorney, on is or her letterhead, should be enough, and it doesn't have to give details about what the case is about. It also doesn't have to say how long the case will last, because who knows that anyway. Sometimes you can be scheduled for 9 and not get heard for hours.

You might find others are quite supportive to you if you tell them what you're going through. Surely those who know wouldn't expect you to come to work after court.

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Specializes in LTC.

I think I'm just going to give them the summons letter. They will find out sooner or later because I will be having a name change. I guess I'm just a little emotional and possibly overreacting.

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Specializes in Trauma Surgery, Nursing Management.

I would give them a copy of the letter from your attorney with your court dates. Just because your hearing is scheduled for 0900 does not mean that they will call your case first; it means that you are expected to be in court by 0900. You could be sitting around half the day before your case is called. The docket schedule comes out each morning, but you have no idea when your case will be called. Neither does your attorney. That's why they call everyone in at 0900. Bring something with you to read.

I would absolutely provide documentation OF THE COURT DATE ONLY on legal letterhead to submit to your NM. They don't need to know the details, and moreover, are not supposed to ask you anything further. It is YOUR business. Since this is a legal matter and you are obligated to appear in court, they can't discipline you for taking this day off.

I want you to understand this next statement with crystal clarity: Your boss DOES NOT, I repeat DOES NOT require you to submit your divorce paperwork other than the dates that you are expected in court. This is privileged information between you, your soon to be ex and the lawyers involved. Divorce paperwork includes very personal information regarding everything from finances to clauses of confidentiality involving almost everything that happened during your marriage. It is paramount that you keep this paperwork private. Please contact your attorney and let them know what is going on. I have no doubt that they will print out a letter for you. Remember that your attorney works for YOU.

I would also ask your NM to keep this quiet. This is your privacy, and your right. I am hopeful that the managers that you work for already understand this, but it never hurts to make it clear to them what your expectations are.

On a personal note, I feel for you, baby girl. This is no fun. I have been through a divorce myself, and it is a nightmare. You are wise to trust your instincts in hesitating to give paperwork to your boss. Just know that it will be over soon, and you can slowly but surely put your life back together. You can get through this.

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Specializes in LTC.
I would give them a copy of the letter from your attorney with your court dates. Just because your hearing is scheduled for 0900 does not mean that they will call your case first; it means that you are expected to be in court by 0900. You could be sitting around half the day before your case is called. The docket schedule comes out each morning, but you have no idea when your case will be called. Neither does your attorney. That's why they call everyone in at 0900. Bring something with you to read.

I would absolutely provide documentation OF THE COURT DATE ONLY on legal letterhead to submit to your NM. They don't need to know the details, and moreover, are not supposed to ask you anything further. It is YOUR business. Since this is a legal matter and you are obligated to appear in court, they can't discipline you for taking this day off.

I want you to understand this next statement with crystal clarity: Your boss DOES NOT, I repeat DOES NOT require you to submit your divorce paperwork other than the dates that you are expected in court. This is privileged information between you, your soon to be ex and the lawyers involved. Divorce paperwork includes very personal information regarding everything from finances to clauses of confidentiality involving almost everything that happened during your marriage. It is paramount that you keep this paperwork private. Please contact your attorney and let them know what is going on. I have no doubt that they will print out a letter for you. Remember that your attorney works for YOU.

I would also ask your NM to keep this quiet. This is your privacy, and your right. I am hopeful that the managers that you work for already understand this, but it never hurts to make it clear to them what your expectations are.

On a personal note, I feel for you, baby girl. This is no fun. I have been through a divorce myself, and it is a nightmare. You are wise to trust your instincts in hesitating to give paperwork to your boss. Just know that it will be over soon, and you can slowly but surely put your life back together. You can get through this.

Thanks ! I don't have an attorney and I must submit some sort of document by tomorrow. I suppose I can just white out the part that says divorce hearing. I honestly don't want them to know right now.

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Although I understand your feelings, I would think that you would rather them know it's a divorce hearing than to speculate what it might be about.

Better a divorce than many other things. Tell them to respect your privacy, it is no one else's business.

And hold them to it.

But if this is on a schedule yet to be determined, you really shouldn't have to give them a reason for a day off.

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Specializes in Trauma Surgery, Nursing Management.

LoveJoy-I must caution you about whiting out "divorce hearing". If you submit paperwork to your NM that simply says that you must appear in court on such and such a day, then the NM is left to wonder why you are in court. Their imagination will get away with them....Criminal? Civil? I strongly encourage you to let them know that is a divorce proceeding, because if you leave it up to their imaginations, they may contact Risk Management and start an investigation. You definitely do not want this sort of red tape to deal with along with the emotional battle you are already fighting.

Is this a paranoid and overactive assumption on my part to think that they would go so far as to contact Risk Management? Maybe so. But why add misery into your life when you can set the record straight from the get go? You are right: it isn't their business, but you can let them know only that you are appearing in court for a divorce proceeding.

Look at it from a management standpoint: you have an employee that comes to you that says that they must appear in court and must have X day off. Upon further inquiry, the employee is resistant to include anything further than "I have to go to court." Your antennae immediately go up, and you start to worry about the integrity of this employee. As a manager, you immediately wonder if the employee has been accused of a crime. This is a simple human knee jerk reaction, regardless of how wrong it is.

There is nothing to be ashamed of here. Nobody goes into a marriage expecting to be divorced. Just know that they CANNOT ask you questions about your divorce, and you are in no way obligated to give them any sort of explanation. Will it be a surprise to them? Maybe. Are you afraid that they will stand in judgment of you? Honey, there are all sorts of skeletons locked in closets that would surprise you. I highly doubt that they will think less of you simply because you are getting a divorce. Besides, IT IS YOUR BUSINESS.

Then only reason I feel so strongly about your letting them know that it is a divorce proceeding is because I KNOW that tongues will wag, rumors will be spread and assumptions will be drawn if you are TOO evasive. I just want you to be able to protect yourself. Do you see what I mean?

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Specializes in LTC.
LoveJoy-I must caution you about whiting out "divorce hearing". If you submit paperwork to your NM that simply says that you must appear in court on such and such a day, then the NM is left to wonder why you are in court. Their imagination will get away with them....Criminal? Civil? I strongly encourage you to let them know that is a divorce proceeding, because if you leave it up to their imaginations, they may contact Risk Management and start an investigation. You definitely do not want this sort of red tape to deal with along with the emotional battle you are already fighting.

Is this a paranoid and overactive assumption on my part to think that they would go so far as to contact Risk Management? Maybe so. But why add misery into your life when you can set the record straight from the get go? You are right: it isn't their business, but you can let them know only that you are appearing in court for a divorce proceeding.

Look at it from a management standpoint: you have an employee that comes to you that says that they must appear in court and must have X day off. Upon further inquiry, the employee is resistant to include anything further than "I have to go to court." Your antennae immediately go up, and you start to worry about the integrity of this employee. As a manager, you immediately wonder if the employee has been accused of a crime. This is a simple human knee jerk reaction, regardless of how wrong it is.

There is nothing to be ashamed of here. Nobody goes into a marriage expecting to be divorced. Just know that they CANNOT ask you questions about your divorce, and you are in no way obligated to give them any sort of explanation. Will it be a surprise to them? Maybe. Are you afraid that they will stand in judgment of you? Honey, there are all sorts of skeletons locked in closets that would surprise you. I highly doubt that they will think less of you simply because you are getting a divorce. Besides, IT IS YOUR BUSINESS.

Then only reason I feel so strongly about your letting them know that it is a divorce proceeding is because I KNOW that tongues will wag, rumors will be spread and assumptions will be drawn if you are TOO evasive. I just want you to be able to protect yourself. Do you see what I mean?

Yeah I see you what you mean. I guess I have no choice but to give them a copy of it and just hope they keep it to themselves. I honestly don't want their minds to wonder, besides its not that big of a deal I guess...

If they ask any questions I'll just be prepared to say that I rather not discuss it. Thanks so much for you kind words of encouragement. I just can't wait for it to be over ! In the mean time I'm going to continue to rely on God and my counselor to help me through this.

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