Disrespect & Profanity

Nurses General Nursing

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I've got a couple of burrs under my saddle blanket and am requesting feedback from the allnurses community regarding professional behaviors:

I believe:

Someone should be referred to with their title of Ms, Mrs, Mr, Dr, etc. and their surname until permission is granted otherwise.

Profanity in professional situations is rarely acceptable and if so used, should be in consensual agreement, e.g. "May I speak frankly?"

It gets my goat how some believe they have the freedom to address another or use language that is not becoming to a professional relationship.

My wife, medical nurse Belinda, told me that at Anomaly Memorial Hospital the staff are encouraged to refer to the patients by their first names because it comes across as being more friendly.

In reading some articles on the internet, profanity is condoned and supported in some professional situations because it "releases tension".

"Bullhockey!" say I.

In my experiences, respect is received, even with Salt-of-the-Earth Psychotics, by giving them respect. And that respect, reinforced, has prevented escalating patients from experiencing total meltdowns: The statement, "I expect you to give me the same respect I give you" has caused many an angry patient to take pause.

I think of the multitude of smiles I've received, asking a patient, "May I call you...?" Or: "What would you like to be called?"

Profanity is rarely necessary in a professional situation. The use of profanity can be a sign of loss of control, or apathy. I hear profanity from an acquaintance as their way of saying, "I can say whatever I want with no regard to you".

I truly enjoy using euphemisms to say the vilest thing in the sweetest, most respectful way. Forms of the word "imprudent" has become one of my favs as of late: "You can't fix imprudence" sounds so much more respectful than the mainstream saying. Or: "How imprudent of administration to do that!"

Euphemisms help to take the focus of how something is said and puts the focus on what is said.

What do you think?

Specializes in PICU.

Davey Do:

Sorry to hear about your sister. Since I am a praying type, I will say prayers for you and your sister. Please just take this as just a kind jester if you are not a praying type.

Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
13 hours ago, RNNPICU said:

Please just take this as just a kind jester if you are not a praying type.

I am reminded of the character of Phineas in the John Knowles classic, A Separate Peace, who said something along the lines of, "Better pray in case there is a God".

I truly appreciate any act of kindness whether I subscribe to the similar belief system that inspired the act, RNNPICU. Thank you for all of your support.

On the home front, I am enjoying the hell out of being in a state of flux. I've pretty well made up my mind that I am going to resign, but there are always unseen forces at work out there that may change the course.

In the meantime, I'll go with the flow and see where it takes me. And, once again, I thank you all for your involvement and support.

Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).

I thought of more ammunition against HR and sent Rita this email this morning:

As I've not received any communication from a higher ranking official, the CEO, on resolving these concerns, I will continue to correspond with HR.

Please allow this additional information to reinforce the fact that administration will leave major areas of concerns unresolved over an extended period of time, yet will deal with minor infractions in a timely manner:

I was attacked by a patient in the quiet room adjoining the nurses station on Friday, August 2, 2019. Although there were staff present in the nurses station, no one came to my aid when I called out for assistance. However, I was able to get the situation under control.

The nurses station had recently been closed in, with a full length door. Since I was not heard as I called out for assistance, while I was in the nurses station that weekend, I propped open the door in order to better hear out into the hallway.

About two weeks and a half weeks later, on Monday August 19, 2019, I was called to a meeting with Ricky Omega, HR manager, and RoofElmo Kong, Geriatric Psych manager, and written up for creating a safety hazard by propping open the nurses station door. Evidence of the situation was complete with full color photos of the nurses station area.

A simple verbal request by my manager that I not prop open the nurses station door would have sufficed in remedying this matter. Administration deemed an involved professional meeting and subsequent write up take place.

Over two months have elapsed since I initially sent emails to HR regarding major areas of concern, yet the matter continues to remain unresolved.

Addressing and resolving a minor matter within about two and a half weeks, yet not resolving major areas of concern in over two months, gives further additional evidence that these concerns have not been properly addressed or resolved in a timely manner.

Feeling rather unsettled, I went on a 13 mile bicycle ride on this beautiful sunny day to think things over. I stopped at the halfway point and made some notes on my thoughts.

When I returned, I found this email from HR Rita:

Dave, Please plan to meet with me in my office at Wrongway Regional Medical Center in Human Resources on Thursday, March 26th. Please respond with the time from the following that is convenient for you.

11:00am

1:00pm

3:00pm

Believing and feeling that I have done an Eagles' song, "Take It To The Limit", I replied with this email:

I would be more amicable to meet with you after I have received documentation that my specific concerns are validated and are not vaguely referred to as "these matters" or "your apprehensions". I am also requesting documentation that these concerns will be addressed and that I will be respectfully treated in a safe, non hostile environment where established laws, codes, guidelines, policies and procedures are enforced.

Should I not receive the requested documentation, I will meet with you at the least inconvenient time of 11:00 on Thursday March 26, 2020 and will do so under duress.

The feces will hit the fan.

Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).

While reading over my email, I remembered something else:

BTW: I am also requesting that an EAP representative be present at this meeting.

Specializes in PICU.
6 minutes ago, Davey Do said:

While reading over my email, I remembered something else:

BTW: I am also requesting that an EAP representative be present at this meeting.

Really proud of you for this. Wishing you best of luck tomorrow.

Just know you have several of us here for you.

Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).

Thank you, RNNPICU.

But now, this just in. Take it away, Rita:

Dave, If you are interested in utilizing the EAP, I encourage you to do so. The number is (555) 867-5309. There will not be an EAP representative at our meeting.

And what was Davey Do's response?

There are EAP services available on-site at Wrongway Regional Medical Center and I reiterate that I am requesting a representative's presence at the meeting.

And now: Back to our regularly scheduled program...

The showdown approacheth. I think we know the outcome of this, but good luck anyway Davey.

Specializes in Travel, Home Health, Med-Surg.
11 minutes ago, Davey Do said:

Thank you, RNNPICU.

But now, this just in. Take it away, Rita:

Dave, If you are interested in utilizing the EAP, I encourage you to do so. The number is (555) 867-5309. There will not be an EAP representative at our meeting.

And what was Davey Do's response?

There are EAP services available on-site at Wrongway Regional Medical Center and I reiterate that I am requesting a representative's presence at the meeting.

And now: Back to our regularly scheduled program...

Can you call EAP yourself? If they really cannot be there maybe someone else can be there on your behalf just as a witness if nothing else.

53 minutes ago, RNNPICU said:

Really proud of you for this. Wishing you best of luck tomorrow.

Just know you have several of us here for you.

Same here, fingers crossed!!

1 hour ago, Davey Do said:

The feces will hit the fan. 

Not very good timing, what with the shortage of PPE and all

Hope it goes well tomorrow and the way you want it to, here for morale support!

Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
46 minutes ago, caliotter3 said:

The showdown approacheth. I think we know the outcome of this, but good luck anyway Davey.

Bless your heart, caliotter!

41 minutes ago, Daisy4RN said:

Can you call EAP yourself? If they really cannot be there maybe someone else can be there on your behalf just as a witness if nothing else.

An EAP representative's presence, as with my other appropriate requests, would indicate that HR would be willing to concede to meet those requests and desire to try to work this whole thing out. Refusing to meet my appropriate requests overtly indicates their lack of trying.

Caliotter stated, " I think we know the outcome of this", and we do. But before I meet this relatively sure outcome, I will make sure that documentation shows the extent that HR was willing to go to keep a "valued team member", which was little to nothing.

My plan is to merely listen to what HR Rita has to say, without argument or question. I have documentation of all I've needed to say, and I need not say more.

Aside from wrapping up business, that is.

Appears Rita doesn't want any witnesses in the meeting. Request a witness (whom you trust) be there or record the meeting. Something hinky is being planned during all this down time. I'm expecting them to come with all types of alleged complaints against you to try to offset your concerns. Something just seems wrong about all of this. What's the big holdup and why are they willing to die on the Clark hill? It makes no sense. But then again, nepotism always has strange goings on.

Specializes in PICU.
1 hour ago, NurseBlaq said:

Appears Rita doesn't want any witnesses in the meeting. Request a witness (whom you trust) be there or record the meeting. Something hinky is being planned during all this down time. I'm expecting them to come with all types of alleged complaints against you to try to offset your concerns. Something just seems wrong about all of this. What's the big holdup and why are they willing to die on the Clark hill? It makes no sense. But then again, nepotism always has strange goings on.

Exactly... Why protect Clark with such loyalty. I think they will come up with some false accusations. Please make sure you have your ducks in a row and at least something. Again, best wishes. I am sure you will have many well wishes, prayers, sentiments sent your way tomorrow from us here who have been following your plight to make things right.

Specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.

Davey I smell a termination meeting. Rita is going to hand you a cheque for two weeks' pay and demand your keys. And have Security standing by to escort you out. I could be wrong but I hope you have a game plan for this possibility.

Are you ready for it to be over or do you want to be at least a thorn in their side for a bit longer? Can you refuse to meet until they allow EAP presence?

We're all with you no matter how you play this.

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