Desperately seeking encouragement in 1st year

Nurses New Nurse

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I am a first-time poster and not sure if this is the best place for my pitiful plea for encouragement, but here it goes.....I am about 6 months into my first nursing job. I am middle aged, a career changer, graduated with honors, love patient care and was very fortunate to receive a tuition scholarship from a large health care system where I live. I was so happy to think that I would have a job waiting for me and that I did not have to battle for externships. I also realized about half way through school that I was not drawn to acute care hospital nursing, but instead, really liked the psycho-social aspects of mental health, community nursing, hospice, etc. Problem is that I've now potentially sold my soul in exchange for paid tuition. I am working nights (a whole reason to be depressed all by itself) on a very busy acute care floor and find that the stress is having a huge impact on my mental and physical health. Can't sleep, vomiting and crying before going to work, etc. I am so miserable. Love the patients, like my team, hate the job. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed to admit this to any of my nursing school friends or, heaven forbid, talk to anyone in my department. I can't risk being labeled a short-termer and have my request for days ignored. I have asked for a move to days thinking that at least getting on a "normal" routine would lessen the misery, but I know that has its own set of crazy circumstances. Venting my feelings at work seems like a big mistake since I am married to this company until I fulfill my employment commitment (or repay the money - ha!). Thinking about trying to transfer after my one year anniversary, but seriously questioning whether or not I can hang on for that long. I had a very successful first career and am just so baffled as to why this job is sending me so far over the edge. I just didn't expect this kind of extreme mental and physical reaction. I've been through a lot of other stressful things in my life, but this takes the award. Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

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Specializes in Gastroenterology.

I'm so sorry for your situation. It really sounds like you're having a horrible experience. After six months is it getting better at all? Settling into to a new job and career takes awhile. Also, does your hospital have a psych unit? If you are really so miserable maybe you should look into getting transfered before your first year in this unit is up. It would be within the same hospital so hopefully it wouldn't be viewed as such a betrayal.

In any case, I think you should talk to someone you can trust about the details of your situation. Does your hospital offer free counseling? A lot of big hospitals contract with a mental health organization for free employee counseling sessions. It might help you reach some decisions and least get all this off your chest.

Good luck and I hope it gets better for you!

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Specializes in Emergency & Trauma/Adult ICU.

Busy acute care can absolutely be stimulation-overload for someone who is not well-suited to it. For this reason, I would caution you to think carefully about taking a daylight position on the same unit. Daylight means the number of people, orders, procedures, etc. multiply by an exponential factor.

Start now - researching and networking for your next job outside of acute care. Make it a goal to spend 1 hour a day doing this on most days. As the time of your contract elapses, hopefully you will have met people and gathered information which will help you take the next step. Research the role of nurses in your local health department, office practices, research facilities with local colleges/universities, home care agencies, etc.

Is your monetary commitment/contract pro-rated? If so ... determine the number you can live with in terms of repayment, when you will reach that amount, and make that a goal date to be actively looking for your next job.

Good luck to you. :)

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Is there anything specific you can pinpoint when this started?

I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time. Being a new nurse is hard- and overwhelming (that's normal). But the vomiting makes me wonder if something is reminding you of something else, or there is another reason on top of the feeling overwhelmed that is sending your stomach into reject mode...

Hang in there- it does get better :heartbeat

I'm an old fart - almost 48 (practically a fossil to a new grad who started nursing school out of high school :D). But I got through it in the mid 80s... all of the folks here who are nurses understand. :) And those who are about to be, are anticipating it;)

Keep posting- maybe we all can come up with something to help :up:

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Our stories are very similar: second career, middle age, graduated with honors, successful in previous endeavors, and then WHAM knocked flat on your back by your first nursing job. I read your post and feel your pain. By the skin of my teeth I survived a miserable first year and am now poised to move to a better situation. What got me through? This website helped me realize that it didn't mean I was a freak or incompetent. The first year of nursing is a notoriously difficult one. There are lots of postings on allnurses that attest to this. Reading others' stories helped me feel less alone. Good luck to you! So sorry it's been so brutal.

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Specializes in LTC, Pediatrics, Renal Med/Surg.

I wonder what this says about nursing. People always mention being successful in previous careers and having dealt with stress before but its incomparable to their first nursing job. Yes, I'm going to say it. Nursing is harder than most jobs. There you go. Im sure there are some but what other jobs demand that you hold your bladder for 12 hours and complete 8 tasks while you're holding it. Nursing is a profession that if you try and eat for 15 minutes it might throw your whole day off schedule. Every minute counts to make sure you get out at a decent time, atleast that has been the experience for me. I find it even more interesting and proves this is true when 2nd career nurses complain about it. This reminds me that I'm not crazy nor does it make me a bad nurse for wanting to be able to pee when I need to.

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Thank you so very much to those of you who took the time to respond. When I read my posting, I do not even recognize myself. As a former career professional who was completely on top of my game daily, I am struggling to recognize myself at this point.

Eyeball, I really appreciate hearing from you. Perhaps those of us who are mid-life career changers mistakenly believe that our skills and former levels of competence and self assurance will translate into nursing. While I love interacting with my patients and I love caring for them and their families, I cannot, for the life of me, figure out what in the world is wrong with me. I do appreciate all of your words of encouragement. It does really help to know that others out there listen and care.

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.

the first year of nursing is miserable, and the only way to get through it is to just barge on through. if you're feeling overwhelmed, it's a good reason to stay on night shift. days has more people, more orders, more management, more visitors, more everything.

even if you don't see yourself staying in med-surg forever, it's valuable experience that will serve you wherever you go. especially if you can make it through that first year. after a year, you may find yourself getting into "the groove" and actually liking it!

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Thank you so very much to those of you who took the time to respond. When I read my posting, I do not even recognize myself. As a former career professional who was completely on top of my game daily, I am struggling to recognize myself at this point.

Eyeball, I really appreciate hearing from you. Perhaps those of us who are mid-life career changers mistakenly believe that our skills and former levels of competence and self assurance will translate into nursing. While I love interacting with my patients and I love caring for them and their families, I cannot, for the life of me, figure out what in the world is wrong with me. I do appreciate all of your words of encouragement. It does really help to know that others out there listen and care.

"...I cannot, for the life of me, figure out what in the world is wrong with me."

Heartbreaking quote! I must be emphatic when I say there is nothing wrong with you!!!!!!!! It's an erroneous conclusion. The first year of nursing brings the best of us to our knees. Hang in there, remind yourself that difficult as it is, the likelihood is that you have the makings of a very fine nurse. Be good to you and avoid the kinds of thoughts that diminish you in your own eyes. It's a heck of a tough journey and you are so not alone in your experience.

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Specializes in Med/Surg, Academics.

I, too, am an older career-changer that was a workhorse and very successful in my previous career. Nursing just blew me away and shook my confidence. There are days that I went home and thought, "I will fail professionally for the first time in my life. What did I get myself into?!"

I wrote a post in one of the stickies after a particularly bad shift/bad week. The next week, something just clicked in me, and, while it's still been difficult, I don't feel like such a dumbass at work anymore. I do research when I'm not at work, and I think that's helped some. There is a lot I still don't know, but getting the hang of it the paperwork, multi-tasking, and prioritizing has just magically become easier. I'm not really sure what happened, but I'm thankful for it.

Hang in there. Get your confidence back...try to get back to your "can-do" attitude that you had in your previous career. Of course, you will never know everything, and you'll always want/need to powwow with trusted, experienced co-workers when you're unsure, but a lot of it is psychological, I believe. Maybe we're such perfectionists that being in a situation where perfection will NEVER happen is unnerving to us?

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Hugs Jackster,

You are not alone!!!!!

I am feeling the same way. I also am in my mid forties, graduated (BSN) with honors and my faculty and preceptors had nothing but positive things to say along the way. Also, my mother was a very successful, now retired nurse who doesn't seem to understand or remember the difficulties of it all.

I was blessed to get a great job in a cardiac/tele unit in one of the best hospitals in my city. So far my coworkers have been very nice and I'm about to go off orientation next week and feel terrified and incompetent. I feel so guilty for complaining/whining as many of my peers are still struggling to find jobs.

This job is making me lose my confidence and self esteem. I thought I was a smart, competent, confident woman, and now...??? I question my intelligence, my personality (I am the more reserved type) and my inner confidence is being knocked down hard during every shift. I have to self-talk on my days off that I can do this, than I am as capable as any of the nurses on the unit, but sometimes I am not very good at convincing myself.

What is hard is the lack of time to figure out the job. Each shift craziness happens and the protocols, paperwork, patients going south, and no time to breathe while trying to learn how to handle each situation ...it feels like more than I can handle. I have questions constantly. I am not going to "wing" it and put someone in danger. There is no time to do the nursing that nursing school teaches you--it's always run run run. I am on nights and often I cannot sleep well because my mind cannot stop going over the last shift and worrying about the next one!

I wish I didn't dread going to work, too. But the other nurses make it look so natural and I feel like an idiot. I am seriously thinking about looking for a clinic job, but I told myself I will give it at least a year (plus jobs in my city are few and far between for a new grad).

Please keep posting. It was nice for me to read your post because I can relate exactly!!! I did make myself a counseling appt for next week to talk about my new job stress/anxiety. I hope it will help a little. Maybe you can do the same.

Anyway, Jackster, it's nice to know we aren't alone in this. I hope you will continue to post.

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Specializes in Med-Surg.

I, though a young graduate, had this experience too. With night shifts, weekends, holidays I would have HORRIBLE anxiety attacks, crying my eyes out hours before I left for my shift, and struggling to keep it together when I got to work. I just could not handle it. It is a cardio/tele floor and is very fast paced, and I guess the stress is too high for me (as I already have high anxiety). I went out on a whim and started applying for jobs after 6.5 months. October 7th will be my 7 month mark, and on October 31st I will start a new job in a GI center (9-5, M-F, no weekends, no nights, no holidays, occassioanlly on call). I really didn't think I had a chance at this job because I was under a year of experience, BUT I DID. So apply, give it a shot. You have to take your well-being into consideration when working. No one wants a nurse who is miserable on the job, and it truley is dangerous. That is what made me decide to start trying to get another job...I was so scared that my anxiety would cause me to make a mistake at work that would hurt someone, and thats not fair to my patients. I love my patients, and always gave them my best smile and 100% effort, but inside I was still crying...I still have to work a month on my current floor, but I see the light at the end of the tunnel, and its helping (so far).

Don't feel like a failure...I did right away. So many people put me down saying "well going into school didn't you KNOW you would have to work nights/weekends/holdiays? what did you expect?" And of course I knew I would have to work them, but how was I supposed to predict how I would react!? You are a human before you are a nurse, so give it 100% as long as you can, but keep your eyes open and apply where you can, you never know what door will open!

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