Published
I am a first-time poster and not sure if this is the best place for my pitiful plea for encouragement, but here it goes.....I am about 6 months into my first nursing job. I am middle aged, a career changer, graduated with honors, love patient care and was very fortunate to receive a tuition scholarship from a large health care system where I live. I was so happy to think that I would have a job waiting for me and that I did not have to battle for externships. I also realized about half way through school that I was not drawn to acute care hospital nursing, but instead, really liked the psycho-social aspects of mental health, community nursing, hospice, etc. Problem is that I've now potentially sold my soul in exchange for paid tuition. I am working nights (a whole reason to be depressed all by itself) on a very busy acute care floor and find that the stress is having a huge impact on my mental and physical health. Can't sleep, vomiting and crying before going to work, etc. I am so miserable. Love the patients, like my team, hate the job. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed to admit this to any of my nursing school friends or, heaven forbid, talk to anyone in my department. I can't risk being labeled a short-termer and have my request for days ignored. I have asked for a move to days thinking that at least getting on a "normal" routine would lessen the misery, but I know that has its own set of crazy circumstances. Venting my feelings at work seems like a big mistake since I am married to this company until I fulfill my employment commitment (or repay the money - ha!). Thinking about trying to transfer after my one year anniversary, but seriously questioning whether or not I can hang on for that long. I had a very successful first career and am just so baffled as to why this job is sending me so far over the edge. I just didn't expect this kind of extreme mental and physical reaction. I've been through a lot of other stressful things in my life, but this takes the award. Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.
belle005
46 Posts
Mamabwana - Your post here sounds EXACTLY like how I'm feeling right now. I'm two months into my first nursing job. I'm always so scared, unsure, and if anything bad happens, I'm afraid it will be a huge disaster because I won't have a clue what to do. I am starting to worry too because my co-workers talk to me less than they did before and maybe are seeing me as cold or aloof because I'm so self-absorbed just trying to get through each shift without breaking down completely - they'll be chatting in the breakroom and I'm at the desk obsessing over my charting or what I might have forgotten to do. I'd love to know how you're doing now that you have a few more months under your belt. Any improvement? I'm wondering when these awful feelings will end or at least subside a little bit!!