Depression and nursing

NotYourMamasRN · May 5, 2016

This definitely sounds like burnout, I have suffered from it before and I had to make many changes. I have a mental health disorder which kind of set me up given the environment I used to work in, trauma. I mentioned in another thread earlier, that I had to really reflect on me and what makes me feel good. Where I was working did not make me feel good and was slowly killing me. It took change. It took self awareness. It took reflection. I hope that you can find an environment that brings you some happiness. I truly feel there is one out there for all of us, it just takes some time to find it. Good luck!

brandy1017, ASN, RN · May 6, 2016

It sounds like a combination of depression and burnout. Maybe meds combined with therapy even group therapy may help. I've used both at times when dealing with anxiety and depression. I too struggle with burnout. I have some dread before my first shift wondering what's in store and try to sleep to the last minute. I only work 2 days in a row so if I have a bad night I only have to get thru one more and usually the next night will turn out ok. I reserve the right to take a mental health holiday if I need it and take as many vacations as possible even if only stay cations to get a break from work. I don't do overtime and ignore the calls begging me to work extra.

When I was going thru a particularly tough time and have had that feeling of wanting to walk off the job during a really bad night I wrote down on the calendar whenever I had a good night to remind myself it's not always bad. I watched a coworker quit without notice and then struggle to get another job and it really was about the stress and overreacting and thinking the worst. If I had known what the person was going thru, I would have encouraged her to stick it out.

I totally understand how you feel and I'm a shy person by nature so I don't engage a lot with patients unless they open up to me and start a conversation. I was just thinking how I've changed over the years I used to be more of a perfectionist and interact socially with patients and families more than I do now. I know some of it is burnout, but if someone wants to talk I'll listen. Usually in those situations the patients do all the talking and I just listen. As to the rude, obnoxious patients or families I just tune them out. I walk away rather than tell them off and just ignore them and spend as little time as possible with them. I don't feel bad about it either, my motto is people are impossible to please so why lose sleep over it! I've occasionally been fired from a problem patient and I have to say it is a wonderful, liberating feeling to not have to deal with the rude jerks!

When I'm off work I'm happy, relaxed enjoy my time off, spend time with family and pets and hobbies. I can't say I enjoy the job most of the time it is frustrating the alarms really get on my nerves and some of the PCA's have a chip on their shoulder and do the bare minimum. I've already accepted I can't change people and I can't motivate them to do their job! I just have to do mine to the best of my ability and move on.

nursej22, MSN, RN · May 6, 2016

Hugs to you, Canoehead. As other posters, I too have suffered from waxing and waning depression. At one point I had a wonderful therapist, who has since retired. Seeing her helped way more than any meds. I hope you have someone you can speak to, to break the downward cycle of depression.

My wee bit of advice, is to take time to do something enjoyable, something out of the ordinary, like go to a play, or a silly, laugh out loud movie, or some silly thing that you've always wanted to try. Break out of the rut, and let out some belly laughs.

Pat_Pat RN · May 6, 2016

I can't really tell you what to do to get over it. I've used meds and therapy with minimal success. Right now I'm feeling pretty good. I have lots of hobbies to keep my mind busy. I have been on as much as 300mg of Effexor XR and 2mg of Xanax XR. Now I'm on 37.5mg of Effexor BID and very minimal Xanax very occasionally. I really don't know what the key to it is, or the recipe or whatever to making myself feel better. Like you said, it comes and goes. Some days I wake up and really don't want to come to work. However, it is not nearly as bad as when I worked at the NH. I'd wake up DREADING work when I worked there. I enjoy the people I work with and once I'm here, I'm usually better.

I hope you can get some relief. You are not alone. :)

ZoraNeale · May 6, 2016

Definitely talk to someone. Whenever I feel like I am drowning and cannot handle certain things or need better coping mechanisms, I see a therapist. It helps!

Cultmember · May 6, 2016

Emergency_love, you're absolutely right, nursing is a terrible career choice because of all the points that you've made in your post. I have called myself Cult Member because that's how I feel--that I am in a cult where the leader is an insane manager not fit to even say 'hello' to the nursing staff when she waddles onto our floor. I have only been nursing on the unit where I work for 5 years; however, I will be quitting on Monday. Nursing in general. Life is too short and too precious to waste spending almost every waking moment amongst people who are clearly victims of learned helplessness and afraid of their own shadow.. I am referring to my co-workers who are high and mighty when management isn't around but who turn into pools of feebleness when put to the test of making their complaints/concerns known. I'm done. I am better than this.

Your health is more important than a meager $22.99 per hour. That's actually an insult to a nurse working in Emerg where not only do you have to know almost as much as a physician, but on top of it all, you're not even taking breaks.

Pure insanity.

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · May 6, 2016

My wee bit of advice, is to take time to do something enjoyable, something out of the ordinary, like go to a play, or a silly, laugh out loud movie, or some silly thing that you've always wanted to try. Break out of the rut, and let out some belly laughs.

I concur with the suggestion to do something out of the ordinary. Spontaneity helps me feel better and elevates my mood.

Being in a wooded, outdoorsy environment helps me, even if the outdoor setting is just a park in the middle of the city. Also, a regular exercise regimen helps me feel less depressed and moody.

TeddyBer · May 7, 2016

Thank you for sharing this. I have ups and downs too. Some days I don't feel like I want to chit chat and it's all I can do to get through the day and keep my patients safe. It sounds like you're functioning well and you go and do your job. As long as you are courteous, that's professional. Sometimes it is ok to keep to yourself and just work....we don't have to be suzy sunshine every day. Sorry you are going through the depression but kudos to you for getting up every day and making it happen for yourself. Hang in there and find some support and outlets that you enjoy. Thanks again for sharing.

jax777 · May 7, 2016

I need some help. Depression waxes and wanes, but when I feel worst I'm a *****. Unfortunately, in that state I don't care what other people think, I just want to go in and do my job, and be left alone. I come off as uncaring and cranky. Sometimes I feel horrible when I get up, but working shakes off the sadness, and helps me break the cycle of feeling useless, and then getting more depressed. I don't know which way it's going to go before I get there, and I also don't want to be calling out all the time. Almost everyone feels crappy when they first get up, right? If there was a depression thermometer, so I could take my temp before work, that would be ideal. I know I can't be the only person with this issue. Any ideas?

I will remember you in prayer. I wish it was as simple as some medical issue (thyroid, hormone imbalance), but I give you all the credit in the world for still doing your job in caring for others while in depths of depression. Hopefully, you'll find a breakthrough soon. Having said that, I would never consider ECT because many experience permanent long/short term memory loss from shock therapy. God bless & take care.

**canoehead, BSN, RN** · May 7, 2016

Thank you everyone for your replies. Just having your support is helpful. I did try exercise about a month ago, and it helped! But it also flared my plantar fasciitis... And that was just discouraging. Now I'm waiting for that to improve before trying something else, but it will probably take a few months since I'm still on my feet constantly at work.

canigraduate · May 7, 2016

What has worked for me in the past is a quick workout in the morning, followed by singing my favorite songs in the shower. It's like my own personal brain reset.

Or something little and fun, like playing with the dogs, a quick cuddle, or whatever.

I can usually tell how crappy my attitude is going to be by how mad I get while trying to find all my stuff on the way out of the door.

If I am almost in tears, it's going to be a really bad day, the kind where your face starts crying without pernission.

imintrouble, BSN, RN · May 13, 2016

It's just not fair to get one life, between 50-80 years if you're lucky, and spend half of it miserable.

I think of that because as others have already posted, I could be you.

I wish I knew the answer.

My secret weapon is my grandchildren. They are such beacons, and the love I feel for them lightens my heart.