Depressed anti social low self esteem. What to do?

Nurses General Nursing

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Struggling with jobs as introvert/passive/anti social/aloof/negative+language barrier

I am 29 years old, married with one daughter (3 months old). Been in US for 3 years because my husband lives here.

I am RN in my home country, very good in written exams. Worked a year in a hospital, 2 years as pharmacy assistant, 2 years in laser hair removal clinic in Saudi Arabia. Now in maternity leave but will resume work in a non ambulatory assisted living next month. I have pharmacy technician license (I just took the exam) and licensed vocational nurse license but both not practicing the profession.

Of all the credentials I mentioned what I can say is that I am not happy. Family wanted me to become a nurse to get good pay. (Supporting family financially til the end) But the thing is I am not happy with it. Too late to study again and take the course I wanted (no money in Fine Arts, interested in computers too). I stutter when I speak english. I can’t explain things whether in english or my native language. I do not know how to start or maintain a conversation at all. I am not comfortable talking to people. I get nervous and stressed whenever dealing with people. I don’t even talk to my own relatives, no close or bestfriends. I feel stressed and I feel different. I have flat affect. I look funny whenever I force myself to smile. How am I going to work as a nurse if I am like this?

My personality is like this since I was small. Only child, and in my family we are all serious we seldom smile, we’re negatives. We’re not rich. I grew up with my hardworking mom with a small eatery business and my alcoholic chainsmoker unemployed dad who gets destructive and disruptive if my mom won’t give him money. I grew up with hate and low self esteem.

Next year I plan to work as a nurse. I lack experience, I am good in exam but in actual work as if I don’t know anything. I want to atleast try before giving up.

Should I seek professional help? Get meds that might help? What to tell the doctor?

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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

Hello, and welcome to Allnurses and the USA! We're glad you're here.

What you've described so far as barriers to success as a nurse are not disabilities that require medication, although for your self-esteem issues you may want to try some therapy. Your command of the English language is quite good as this post shows, but perhaps you're not as able to speak it well. I'm the same way with Spanish--I can read and write fluently, but I'm less skilled with actually speaking the language. I would advise you to check out an English-as-a-second-language class at your local community college that will help you upgrade your speaking abilities.

You seem to be distressed with what you see as flaws in your personality. You're introverted, which is not a flaw by the way, and you have difficulty relating to people. Some people are just not made to be what we in America sometimes call "social butterflies" (people who like parties and socializing). It's OK, there's a place for you here in nursing.

Going back a couple of paragraphs, I do think you have some issues with your self-image. You have not had an easy life, and it has caused you to believe negative things about yourself. Here is where therapy with a professional would be of great benefit. You can get a referral from your doctor if you have one, or (depending on your health insurance) you can self-refer (call someone and arrange for an appointment on your own). It's worth the time, trust me on this.

I hope this helps you in some small way. I've asked for this post to be moved out to a larger forum for more responses. I wish you all the best. Viva

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Thank you very much I really appreciate your response and suggestions. It may be just an online post but is a big help in my part.

I will start inquiring regarding the ESL in the nearest library which I think I heard they offer, and ask the doctor if my insurance will cover if they refer me to a therapist.

Thank you very much!

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Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.

There are some good books out there too if you would enjoy that. Right now I am listening to Girl, Stop Apologizing on my commute. There is a lot of encouragement and wisdom that comes from accepting who you are. There is nothing wrong with being introverted. I am introverted too. I have learned how to "fake it" enough to function in my job role, but my evenings are very quiet with minimal disruption. I rarely accept social invitations. It took me a long time to give myself the grace of accepting and loving myself as a quiet homebody. Once I did, happiness found me.

I am sorry you are worried and feeling poorly. There is room in the world for you exactly as you are. Whether or not you stay a nurse.

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Why do you think it's "too late" to actually study the fields which might be a better fit for your personality?

When I was thinking about going in to nursing, I told my mother "but going part time to school, it's going to take 4 years-I will be in my 30s before I finally finish!" My mother said "how old will you be in 4 years if you DON'T go to nursing school?"

The point is that the time will pass whether you study something else or whether you don't. Where would you like to be in 4 years (or however long you are looking at)? Doing something you hate or finally starting what could end up being your passion?

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I was surprised that I have a lot of similarities with you. I'm not from the us. I came to this country when I was 18 and I didn't know how to speak English at the time. What makes things complicated is that I am really socially awkward (I'm possibly with asperger's). People think I am not good at explaining because I speak English as a second language, but I know I cannot explain well even in my native language.
I work as a nurse in the OR part time and take some classes at local school to get my master's degree in a STEM field. I never think it is too late to go back to school. I have worked in medsurg and OR, and I am certain it is quite disadvantage if you cannot communicate effectively in any nursing area. Once I get my master's, I will never work in nursing again.

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Hi epinephrine1mg, I'm the same way as you. I've been shy & introvert, since when I was young till now. Its really hard for me to start a conversation @ times depends on my mood. But I know as introvert we need to love ourself. Even though you hear negative/harsh words from other people. Ignore them! We can't please all the people around us. I'm LVN and my job is home health shift care & hospice continuous care per diem. This jobs fits introvert very well. Continue to love yourself and don't compare yourself with other people. God Bless you!

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Specializes in Adult Primary Care.

Welcome, you have received good advice here. I don't have any advice to add, just wanted to say be kind to yourself. There is a place for you in nursing.

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On 7/1/2019 at 3:02 PM, epinephrine1mg said:

Thank you very much I really appreciate your response and suggestions. It may be just an online post but is a big help in my part.

I will start inquiring regarding the ESL in the nearest library which I think I heard they offer, and ask the doctor if my insurance will cover if they refer me to a therapist.

Thank you very much!

Perhaps post-birth hormones are likely entering into your thinking and feelings, too. Post partum depression.

Also, it is not too late to enter a career you think you might truly like. Do explore computers and the other topic you mentioned. It will be miserable to work at something you hate for the next 40 years, supporting people who probably could help themselves. I know this is a cultural expectation, but I think they need to help themselves as much as possible.

Perhaps talking with a counselor - a woman might be best - would be good for you. And writing in a personal, private journal.

I wish you all the best.

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FYI, being an introvert is the not the same thing as being shy. I am not shy at all-I can easily make small talk, do a public presentation, ace an interview, go to a party where I don't know anyone and do just fine, etc. But I am an introvert in that aside from all that, I need time alone or I get extremely overstimulated, anxious, etc. I can communicate quite well-I just don't want to do it nonstop all day. On my days off, nothing makes me happier than just puttering around the house all by myself.

Rather than being an introvert, the OP may have social anxiety, be a bit on the spectrum, or have some other issue. It's not necessarily a given that someone who is shy is also an introvert. Or she may actually be an introvert and not shy at all-just doesn't need all the interaction.

https://www.verywellfamily.com/the-difference-between-being-shy-and-being-introverted-1448616

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Specializes in Telemetry/Stepdown, Government Nursing.

I'm so glad you opened up and expressed how you really feel. I often feel that in nursing we try to maintain a "good girl" image. We need to be honest about our own health and feelings, even when it may be perceived as negative, or not what others expect of us. Nurses are not always happy and cheerful and ready to serve. We are human. And sometimes we are tired, sad, or hurting, though we still have a job to do.

I like working night shifts when there are less people around. Also, when I worked for the VA, there were many coworkers and fellow employees from different cultures and backgrounds. I believe nursing could be an opportunity for a new start for you. Good luck!

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2 hours ago, Horseshoe said:

FYI, being an introvert is the not the same thing as being shy. I am not shy at all-I can easily make small talk, do a public presentation, ace an interview, go to a party where I don't know anyone and do just fine, etc. But I am an introvert in that aside from all that, I need time alone or I get extremely overstimulated, anxious, etc. I can communicate quite well-I just don't want to do it nonstop all day. On my days off, nothing makes me happier than just puttering around the house all by myself.

Rather than being an introvert, the OP may have social anxiety, be a bit on the spectrum, or have some other issue. It's not necessarily a given that someone who is shy is also an introvert. Or she may actually be an introvert and not shy at all-just doesn't need all the interaction.

https://www.verywellfamily.com/the-difference-between-being-shy-and-being-introverted-1448616

Whatever the definition, she sounds miserable and in need of help.

Thanks for sharing the information, My friend calls herself an introvert, not shy, though. I had always equated the 2.

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