Depressed anti social low self esteem. What to do?

Kooky Korky, BSN, RN · Jul 3, 2019

On 6/30/2019 at 5:08 PM, epinephrine1mg said:
Struggling with jobs as introvert/passive/anti social/aloof/negative+language barrier
I am 29 years old, married with one daughter (3 months old). Been in US for 3 years because my husband lives here.
I am RN in my home country, very good in written exams. Worked a year in a hospital, 2 years as pharmacy assistant, 2 years in laser hair removal clinic in Saudi Arabia. Now in maternity leave but will resume work in a non ambulatory assisted living next month. I have pharmacy technician license (I just took the exam) and licensed vocational nurse license but both not practicing the profession.
Of all the credentials I mentioned what I can say is that I am not happy. Family wanted me to become a nurse to get good pay. (Supporting family financially til the end) But the thing is I am not happy with it. Too late to study again and take the course I wanted (no money in Fine Arts, interested in computers too). I stutter when I speak english. I can’t explain things whether in english or my native language. I do not know how to start or maintain a conversation at all. I am not comfortable talking to people. I get nervous and stressed whenever dealing with people. I don’t even talk to my own relatives, no close or bestfriends. I feel stressed and I feel different. I have flat affect. I look funny whenever I force myself to smile. How am I going to work as a nurse if I am like this?
My personality is like this since I was small. Only child, and in my family we are all serious we seldom smile, we’re negatives. We’re not rich. I grew up with my hardworking mom with a small eatery business and my alcoholic chainsmoker unemployed dad who gets destructive and disruptive if my mom won’t give him money. I grew up with hate and low self esteem.
Next year I plan to work as a nurse. I lack experience, I am good in exam but in actual work as if I don’t know anything. I want to atleast try before giving up.
Should I seek professional help? Get meds that might help? What to tell the doctor?

One way to start a conversation is just to say, "Hello, how are you?" You might encounter ugliness from someone having a bad day or hard life, but most people will return your smile, which you can learn to do now even if you haven't done it much in the past, and your friendly greeting.

Or just say "Good morning" or "Hi" and smile.

I'm sorry you had a rough start in life, but you can start today to practice saying hello and giving a little smile. Many people have a lot of pain in their lives and they are also very unhappy like you seem to be. They are in need of someone to reach out to them. And you can be that person. You will find them feeling and behaving positively toward you for the most part. I say "most" because someone might be really, really full of heartbreak and anger and just not be friendly to you in return. It is not because of you, though, it is because of their own messed up lives.

I do think you would benefit from some counseling. Not necessarily medication, although I can't say for sure. but I think keeping a journal, talking with a religious counselor or secular counselor can help you a lot.

And I again mention post-partum depression. Your baby is only 3 months old. Perhaps, like after an operation, it takes longer to adjust and for your hormones to normalize. Do you have enough help with the baby? Is your marriage a source of sustenance? Do you have good neighbors and / or people you know in your community who are a source of good for you?

What do you do all day? Are you getting enough sleep? Don't tell too much about your personal life if you don't want to on the board here, I'm just mentioning some areas you might want to explore.

God bless you. He will help you. He will never fail you nor forsake you.

One secret to being considered a good conversationalist is to show interest in the other person. Most people love to talk about themselves. Give them plenty of chances to do that and they will love talking with you.

Also, you can simply and truthfully say something like, "I feel so shy". "I am not a very good conversationalist. I hope you won't think I am unfriendly, I just am so nervous in social situations".

Compliment someone "That's a very pretty lipstick" or whatever. "You have such pretty eyes". Whatever.

Forest2 · Jul 3, 2019

I think you have expressed yourself very well and I understand you.

Would you feel more comfortable working for a physician who speaks your native language? I am not sure how you would find out but you might see what kind of social groups are out there on the internet, that may be a way to connect with someone.

It is too bad you couldn't do what would make you happy. Often we don't get a choice in the matter and have to do what we have to do to make a living. A lot of us have found ourselves in the wrong occupation just because of "life".

I do agree with another poster that you should take some English as second language courses and see if you can find someone to talk to. In addition, the idea of postpartum changes influencing your thoughts and feelings has substance.

I am sometimes very introverted and sometimes a bit loud. I guess I fluctuate between the two and wish at times people would stop talking to me.

I am sorry you are having this trouble. I wish you the best and hope you find an avenue to some help.

strawberryluv, BSN, RN · Jul 3, 2019

I am the same way. I am definitely introverted and aloof but I can do some small talk. In my opinion, you don't need to be an extrovert to do this job. There is hardly any time to chat with any patients. Just keep doing you. Work the nursing job you want. Don't worry about being social.

Oldmahubbard · Jul 4, 2019

Please understand that "antisocial" in the US means criminal. I doubt very much that is what you are.

I lived in a foreign country as a young adult many years ago. I could speak the language passably well.

I found if people liked me, they found my accent charming. Which was usually the case.

If they didn't like me, they found it ugly. There is a huge subjective element.

Later in life, after many negative experiences, and becoming a nurse to support myself, I ended up taking medicine and getting therapy for anxiety. It took some trials, but it helped.

I wish you well.