Define being supportive.

[CraigB-RN]

I recently had an IM conversation with a member who accused me of being degrading and non supportive, and said I should make a public appology over comments I made. I called the poster naive.

The question I have from you all, is what is your deffinition of being supportive? Sometimes I get ticked off over the blind "ahhh that's to bad" type of comments that get posted here, with no one actually giving out any usefull information. Or for that matter wrong information. In this case is the deffinition of supportive a gender based thing? Or does being supportive always mean warm fuzzies when the right response may not be warm and fuzzy at all?

Of course I could be all washed up and have just turned into a crotchity old man.

[AprilRNhere]

I lean towards thinking that if you post something in an open forum...expect honesty, and a variety of responses.

[Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN]

I lean towards thinking that if you post something in an open forum...expect honesty, and a variety of responses.

I agree with this.

And also, i'd say that calling someone "naive" 1) isn't usually well-received as it is 2) isn't being supportive, either.

[AprilRNhere]

Is this board only for support though...or is it to come to to get honest opinions from a broad variety of people? I guess I'm generally a supportive person, but it isn't my goal to always be supportive on message boards, it's to be honest. I don't flame...but I don't "support" when I don't agree with the poster.

[rnmomtobe2010]

:yeahthat:

Some people are just really sensitive.

[deeDawntee, RN]

The OP says he was on an IM with the person who described him as being non-supportive. That is a one to one conversation that he is referring to...don't you think that requires something more? Personally, I am much more sensitive and careful with my responses with talking one to one with another human being than a general response in a public forum. I think support should be supportive, even if it is hard for the person to hear...you can give support in a respectful way, that does not attack the person herself/himself. Feedback that attacks another human being does nothing for the person being attacked, it is for the person doing the attacking...there is something that person is venting about and they are taking it out on the innocent person just asking for support and/or reasonable, humane feedback. IMHO

[leslie :-D]

i don't know, dee.

i've come to this board, clearly seeking 'support'.

recalling one time, when my son was in 5th grade, i started a thread seeking input about a problem i was having with a project that was due (for my son).

instead of getting ideas/encouragement, i received "why are YOU doing his homework?"

at first it surprised me but realized that it was just what i needed to hear.

granted, it wasn't anything intimate i discussed.

but sometimes, an op needs a different perspective.

it's not always about hearing what you want to hear.

leslie

[CHATSDALE]

sometimes you need a dutch uncle

sometimes you need a favorite aunt

somtimes what you need is not what you want

[deeDawntee, RN]

i don't know, dee.

i've come to this board, clearly seeking 'support'.

recalling one time, when my son was in 5th grade, i started a thread seeking input about a problem i was having with a project that was due (for my son).

instead of getting ideas/encouragement, i received "why are YOU doing his homework?"

at first it surprised me but realized that it was just what i needed to hear.

granted, it wasn't anything intimate i discussed.

but sometimes, an op needs a different perspective.

it's not always about hearing what you want to hear.

leslie

Yes, I agree, as long as there wasn't any personal attacks or mean responses. Did anyone attack your ability to be a good Mother?

There is a difference between giving feedback on a behavior (doing your son's homework) and feedback that attacks a person directly.

[leslie :-D]

There is a difference between giving feedback on a behavior (doing your son's homework) and feedback that attacks a person directly.

i don't see how calling someone "naive" is attacking...

leslie

[deeDawntee, RN]

Yes, I definitely think in the right context being called naive could be very degrading... that is a direct comment on someone's character.

[CraigB-RN, MSN, RN]

Well everyone thanks for your responses. I got what I was asking for. In this particular case, I think I was right but probably worded my response in a way the sounded more confrontational than helpfull. Because of that, anything I said afterwords wasn't accepted at all.

Sometimes I just disagree with things posted here so strongly, that even when I read over what I just wrote, I'm probably not seeing that I'm wording things way to strongly.

I'll try to do better, but I"m sure I"m going to step on a few more toes in the future.

[pagandeva2000, LPN]

I have posted things several times that were misinterpeted, and I felt horrible, because how it was taken was not how I meant to say it (in fact, this very situation happened to me a few months ago). And, I have re-read some of my posts to see if it can, in fact, have been interpeted as being callous or rude. Sometimes, I have seen where it could have been worded better and had egg in my face, other times, it really couldn't worded any differently, and then there are the times that I clearly meant what I said...period.

I do take more time to review and read before I press the enter button, because it cannot be taken back. Or, I may try and further explain myself if there is a flame war based on a misunderstanding of how I worded something.

Maybe PM the person with a private explanation if this is really bothering you, or again, maybe just move on. This is an active site. We do move on past grievances most of the time.

As others have stated, it is REALLY hard to convey feelings at times on line because we see no facial expressions, we really do not know each other personally, leaving room to assume a lot. There are some people here whose posts I love to see, but I don't know anything about them other than what they post. I don't know if they take time to respond to things after thinking or that they are impulsive and rude.