dear patients, please quit saying that to me

mcpnurse · Jun 20, 2010

People (including me) say stupid things all the time. I get flushed easily and I hear, from people old enough to have learned a little tact, "why is your face so red?" Yeah, it's a little rude and a lot annoying and I have to bite my tongue from giving a snotty comeback like "darn, you're old, how does it feel to know you're going to die soon?"

omg hahaha.

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Jun 20, 2010

All of you people who look younger than your stated ages should feel blessed.

I'm 29 years old. I've been asked at least once if my children are grown. Although I don't have any children, there's no possible way that I could have adult children at my current age unless I started getting pregnant at ages 10 or 11.

In my opinion, it would be flattering to be mistaken for a younger person.

cicatrixx15 · Jun 20, 2010

All of you people who look younger than your stated ages should feel blessed.
I'm 29 years old. I've been asked at least once if my children are grown. Although I don't have any children, there's no possible way that I could have adult children at my current age unless I started getting pregnant at ages 10 or 11.
In my opinion, it would be flattering to be mistaken for a younger person.

Until you try to buy alcohol and are forced to give a second ID because "this can't be you". LOL You don't look 26!! You look like you're in high school! Blah, blah, blah. It doesn't irritate me that bad, but it just gets tiring hearing it all the time. I remember being on an international flight and ordering a bloody mary, and the flight attendant asked to see my id. She looked at me looked at it looked at me........gave me the drink. Then asked another flight attendant for my second bloody mary, and he looked at me and said I know you're of age but you just don't look it! How in the world would he know if the other woman hadn't have told him, or looked at the passenger info? I was like yea, I am......give me the drink:)

annaedRN, RN · Jun 20, 2010

Retort - "Thanks...I've been hearing that for the last 10 (fill in the yrs) years...". and just move on. They will get the hint and not mistake your youthful appearance for lack of experience.

Lacie, BSN, RN · Jun 20, 2010

Well I had the double sword then - being small my entire career and looking much younger then my actual age, I not only get the comments on that but also on my name (which I cant of course post) but will say I get "are you sweet or sour, or worst yet "What flavor are you"...I wish it was just I appear young or small lol. I understand your vent though but learned long ago to let it roll off my back, smile and move on if it wasnt said in an abusive manner or an attempt to be demeaning directed to me personally.

Reminisce · Jun 20, 2010

i sooo understand.
i tire of always being told i look like a b*tch.
it's lonely at the top.
leslie

lol this has to be the funniest thing I have heard this week! :up:

Forever Sunshine, ASN, RN · Jun 20, 2010

Being short of stature and having a "baby face" tends to have its benefits. I can usually calm an upset person who's swinging at everyone else (I work LTC). None of the residents view me as a 'grown up' and although in their dementia mind, its ok for them to swing at others, I've yet to come across one who is so far demented that they would swing, kick, slap at 'a child'

I am 4'11 with a baby face. I am told by our short term rehab residents that I look like I am 12. Every. Time.

You are right about the dementia patients. Theres a couple of them who will lash out at whoever else is around but cooperate for me. Except for one who wouldn't even cooperate with God.

Bobbkat · Jun 20, 2010

Forgive me, but I haven't read all of the prev posts. I am 5'9", so 'petite' is not a word that would ever describe me. However, I do have a very young looking face apparently, because I've had similar experiences. When I was engaged to be married, I was having a conversation with a woman about the wedding. She stopped, looked at me and said 'What does your mother think about you getting married so young??' I told her I was going to be 2 weeks shy of my 27th birthday at my wedding, she apologized, and told me she thought I was a LOT younger than that.

Fast forward a little. I now am in nursing school, term 3 of the program, completing a home care clinical. I have a daughter and it is her first birthday. I mention this to my patient when she asks if I have any fun plans coming up. She gets a look of (disdain? disgust?) on her face and says: I can't believe how young people have children these days. You know, I didn't have my first child until I was 24.' At this point I tell her that I was 28 when I gave birth to my daughter. In her defense, I had long hair that was pulled back in a pony tail. It didn't exactly add any 'age' to me. That very weekend I had my ponytail cut off, and it did seem to help make me look a little more my age.

You are not alone. I don't think that people feel (most of the time) that they are being derogatory when they feel you look very young. Heck, as I've turned 30 I'm beginning to appreciate it. On the upside, I'm not petite, so a more 'mature' haircut has done WONDERS to help people understand that I am not a 19 year old. But it is still nice to be carded everywhere

TDCHIM · Jun 20, 2010

Being fairly petite with long hair, I was often mistaken for a late teen to 20 year old till I was in my late 20s. Being double-carded for drinks and cigarettes (until I quit) was pretty annoying. I got sick of it - at one point, I started carrying around a certified copy of my birth certificate! Breaking that out along with my driver's license always shut the clerk's mouth pretty fast.

However, all you petite and/or baby-faced folks, it could definitely be worse. I happen to use forearm crutches due to a physical disability and people seriously think it's okay to ask me things like, "How long have you been a cripple?" while I'm in line at the store or waiting at a doctor's office. I'll take being double-carded over being called a "cripple" or having people assume I'm mentally retarded any day! In any case, you just have to laugh it off when stupid stuff like that happens or you'll end up wanting to strangle a large portion of the people you encounter. :smackingf

WalkieTalkie, RN · Jun 20, 2010

People (including me) say stupid things all the time. I get flushed easily and I hear, from people old enough to have learned a little tact, "why is your face so red?" Yeah, it's a little rude and a lot annoying and I have to bite my tongue from giving a snotty comeback like "darn, you're old, how does it feel to know you're going to die soon?"

I have this same problem and I get annoyed when people ask about it. I'm like "listen, it only happens in a few situations... It's hot, I just ate something hot, or I'm ANGRY." LOL

guiltysins · Jun 20, 2010

I'm pretty sure I'll get the same comments because I'm short, my hands are small and I will actually be pretty young. My friends always poked fun at how short I was and always wanted to compare hands. The only thing I do have working for me is my body doesn't look like someone who is a teenager, but as someone mentioned sometimes you shoot yourself in the foot with clothes or hairstyles that are considered more childish.

For some of the older patients, I don't think you should be offended, you have to remember that there's a good chance they might only be use to having nurses in their mid-30's and 40's. Having nurses that are under 25 or even look like it is not very common.

And think about if you were a patient. If I were a patient and my nurse looked as if she were 17 or 18 and short, I wouldn't question her ability, but I probably would say to someone "she looks so young!" Again, I do this with my friends. My friend is 28 years old and she doesn't look a day over 21. Until she told us that she was going for her second bachelor's degree and then we had to ask "...wait how old are you!? You look my age."

But there are times where jumping to conclusions can be offensive, such as saying they don't want you taking care of them. My sister always use to get the "disgust" look when she took her son out. She was 23 and he was 3 but she looked and still does look about 16 or 17. But I think its safe to say everyone jumps to conclusions.

greenfiremajick · Jun 20, 2010

You've obviously never run into my great grandfather. He was quick with a cane back when he was alive!

I hear you loud and clear. I'm in my early 40's, stand just shy of 5ft, 100#'s soaking wet with a baby face to boot!!
Sorry to tell you, it will never change, it will never stop. You will forever be the 'cute" one, the "itty bitty" one, the "are you even old enough to stay up past 8pm one"
After years of the same statements, I've come to realize, usually the comments are not meant to hurt our feelings, to be condescending, they are simply people making observations and voicing them. I don't get as aggravated as I did in my early years. Now, I simply smile and say "you are so right. The NBA wasn't banging on my door"
It could be because I AM older and find it more of a compliment that I appear much younger than i really am. I believe I could have a haggard old face but because i will always be short and "itty bitty" people view me as much younger.
Being short of stature and having a "baby face" tends to have its benefits. I can usually calm an upset person who's swinging at everyone else (I work LTC). None of the residents view me as a 'grown up' and although in their dementia mind, its ok for them to swing at others, I've yet to come across one who is so far demented that they would swing, kick, slap at 'a child'