dating at work?

[Medsport, LPN]

Hey guys, just wondering what you think about dating a co-worker? I started talking to a cute aide a couple months ago. She is single and has a couple kids (one of them is handicapped), while I'm divorced with no kids. I am a few years older than her too. Anyway, it took some help from another aide to get some info as I did'nt want to just ask her out at work if she was'nt interested. I just found out she would go out with me if I asked her. Now for the problem. I happened to leaf through the policy book and there is a section stating dating among co-workers is grounds for termination. Its a small private company and people talk. But do you think they really go by this rule or is it more to protect their behind in case something happens like sexual harassment or something. Personally I don't think it would be a problem since we work different shifts. Maybe if I call her and if we agree to keep it out of the workplace? I can't afford to lose this job right now so I want to be careful, but there just does'nt seem to be any decent places to meet women in my small town. What do you guys think, call or no call?

[Argo]

If you are an RN you are risking her job. If your an aide your risking both your jobs. I would not date her with thy policy in place.

[caliotter3]

It would be a different story without the policy in place. You are aware of the policy, so why take risks and jeopardize one or both jobs?

[Medsport, LPN]

Well, I'm an LPN and she's an aide. I just asked my sister about it as she's older and also a nurse and she said why not just go out to lunch and be friends and take it slow. There is no rule against having friends there I believe as several of the employees hang out outside of work. Of course they are all the same sex, except for one guy that hangs out with them but he is gay I hear. But I know this may be hard as there is already an attraction between us I believe. I guess we could look for a different job (which I've already been doing sporadically), but if I stay there a few more months I will get a pretty good bonus. What a predicament, life can never be simple.

[elkpark]

Ever hear the old expression, "Don't dip your pen in the company inkwell" (or other, more vulgar, versions of the same idea)? Do you actually work closely with this woman (like, on the same unit)? -- because if the relationship doesn't work out, for any reason (and we all know that many (most?) don't), it will be at least awkward to continue to work together. I say respect the company policy -- it's there for a reason.

[Medsport, LPN]

Well we don't really see much of each other now except for at the change of shift for a couple minutes. They don't always go by all the rules at the company and my sis even suggested I ask the DON if it would be ok to see her. I don't know about that though...

[Meriwhen, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN]

They don't always go by all the rules at the company and my sis even suggested I ask the DON if it would be ok to see her. I don't know about that though...

Just because they don't always follow the rules of the company doesn't mean they won't enforce those rules, especially when it's convenient for them to do so.

I won't tell you Yes or No...all I'll say is that it's a big risk you'd be taking, and that you need to be comfortable with that risk and the potential consequences should you decide to do it. Granted, it could result in happiness (and I have seen some workplace relationship succeed all the way to the altar)...but it could also end very badly for you, personally and/or professionally.

[EricJRN, MSN, RN]

I've done it at a place where it isn't specifically against the rules, and I would hesitate to do it again. It's awkward - during and after the relationship. People do talk. When it ends, it will be hard to focus on your work.

With the policy in place, it just isn't worth the risk of termination.

[MomBSN]

a couple things come to mind...

first, if you are in a position that requires you to supervise aides, the dating could be construed as abuse of power or sexual harassment (or even hostile work environment)

Second, any married couples in the company?

and finally, you could go out in a group setting, take things slow but can you manage that? If so, if you feel that there could be more than just a friendship developing, start looking for another position.

[Medsport, LPN]

Well since we don't actually work on the same shift as her and the owner is seeing a nurse, I decided to take the risk and called her. She said ok to the date and asked when. I was a little hesitant and said "how about Friday"? She asked why it took so long to call her and I said about the rule and she said she knew about it too and would call me the next day. Well she did'nt call, so I thought the heck with that as I'm not going to call her back or ask her about it. Well, I saw her at work and had the chance and thought I'm not going to be afraid so I confronted her on why she did'nt call. She said she is busy this weekend but still has my number. So I don't know, it sounds like she may be playing the field and still in that party stage (which I outgrew many years ago). So if she calls, great, if not then I'll just move on.

[ItsTheDude]

well, i think you were a bit too passive my friend (asking someone else to get the go ahead first).

personally, i wouldn't mess with anyone that works at the same place i did unless they were really special, doesn't sounds like you guys even know each other very well.

move on, there's lots of women out there ready, willing and able.

[Medsport, LPN]

Well, I was'nt intending for the other girl to ask her for me. I was just trying to get info on whether or not she had a bf because I heard she had one, but when I asked she said she did'nt, but when the other girl asked she said she did at first until she found out I was asking and then said no. So apparently she is either lying to someone or isn't sure how serious it is. I am getting mixed messages from her, but I'm no expert as I've only had a handful of gf's in my life and have'nt been on a date in almost two years and I am quite quiet usually. But I thought there was something there with this one, but who knows?

I don't go out to bars and really don't have a chance to meet anyone besides on-line (which is'nt working lately) and the gym, but that's mostly college girls not looking for a more "mature" guy more than likely.

btw, my sister just told me there is a singles dance/potluck at a church she is going to tomorrow. I don't really dance and don't generally like social situations, but maybe I should go at least once and check it out. But I don't cook so I'm not sure what I would take. I wonder if a bag or chips or cheese tray would suffice?