Crashing and Burning

Published

I'll try to be as concise as I can.

I've been an LPN for 4 and a half years now. I've always worked in acute care, and enjoy it a lot. I also have aspergers and depression. I'm high functioning enough to pass for a "quirky normal" but the social environment around nursing is difficult. I was bullied off my old ward, but for the last 1.5 years have been on a surgical ward thats been pretty good. I was bullied a bit, but managed to stand up for myself and get mostly left alone. I have also told coworkers about my aspergers a few months ago to try and explain why I'm so socially awkward around them. I inevitably put my foot in it at least once a day :(

Things are also hard at home. My husband suffers from severe clinical depression and coming home to it every day is really wearing me down. To boot, he has been unable to hold a job for the last 2 years, getting fired from the 4 jobs he has held in this period for being unable to cope mentally. Just trying to keep him going is more work than any of my patients. I would leave, but he is also very loving and an excellent partner. I love him more than anyone I've ever been with and being an aspie it's hard to find anyone!

To boot, my wo younger brothers who are worse aspies than me are both killing theselves with drug and alcohol addiction. I have tried to check out of that whole situation entirely, as I can only take on so much at once but my mom is a wreck.

I was on effexor for 7 years, but felt so awfully tired I started to wonder if it was sedating me and switched to 10mg of prozac.

I'm starting to get worried about myself at work. I'm stressed, exhausted, and scatterbrained. I only work 3 12 hour shifts at a time (usually 2 days and a night) to avoid being a complete zombie. I haven't made any major mistakes, mostly just forgetting little stuff (mostly documentation) here and there but I have always prided myself on being a good nurse and I'm worried about losing professional respect or even my job. Being the sole wage earner for what might be the rest of my relationship only makes this pressure worse. Being an aspie also means that I can't read the people around me and have little idea what they think of me or how I am regarded.

I am a total mess. When I go home all I want to do is sleep and I have no motivation to do anything. At work it's all I can do to concentrate on getting my job done to the best of my abilities, theres no energy to try and naviagate even the simplest social interactions with my coworkers.

Is there something I need to be doing? Can anyone else see something that I can't?

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Acute Care, Rehab, Palliative.

((((((((hugs))))))))) Wow. You sound like a truly amazing person.Is there any kind of support you can take advantage of in the workplace?Does your employer have an EAP program? I am in Ontario and I know you can get free counseling through our EAP. I really wish I had brilliant advice for you but I am sure someone on AN will have some pearls of wisdom. Please hang in there and come to AN whenever you need an ear.

:flwrhrts:

Up Vote Up Vote ×

You have a LOT going on- even without Aspbergers. Wow- you're right to back away from the drama with your brothers, though I'm sure that's hard, too- since they're still family.

Is there any way you can find a counselor to help with coping skills? From where I'm sitting, I can't really help much- and this isn't a site for medical advice- BUT, if you can see a counselor, that could be really useful.

If you're doing your job, don't worry about the other people and what they think- even those of us without Aspbergers can't always figure out some of the co-workers we get stuck with :)

Hang in there, and find some time for you, to get some help with this- you have a lot to deal with :)

Up Vote Up Vote ×
I'm starting to get worried about myself at work. I'm stressed, exhausted, and scatterbrained. I only work 3 12 hour shifts at a time (usually 2 days and a night) to avoid being a complete zombie. I haven't made any major mistakes, mostly just forgetting little stuff (mostly documentation) here and there but I have always prided myself on being a good nurse and I'm worried about losing professional respect or even my job. Being the sole wage earner for what might be the rest of my relationship only makes this pressure worse. Being an aspie also means that I can't read the people around me and have little idea what they think of me or how I am regarded.

I am a total mess. When I go home all I want to do is sleep and I have no motivation to do anything. At work it's all I can do to concentrate on getting my job done to the best of my abilities, theres no energy to try and naviagate even the simplest social interactions with my coworkers.

Is there something I need to be doing? Can anyone else see something that I can't?

What I'm seeing, first, is that your work schedule sounds exhausting and difficult for anyone. Two 12-days and a 12-night makes it impossible to get any kind of a regular sleep schedule, which is only going to amplify your depression.

The personal issues you are dealing with sound overwhelming too.

What I can see that maybe you aren't seeing is that you are dealing with life issues that would wear down the strongest of us. This is not about there being something wrong with you, it is about stuff that is happening to you. I hope that you can find a way to not blame this on yourself and to see that your challenges are external, and not a manifestation of some kind of personal flaw. :heartbeat

I agree with lorie also, one way to go would be to look into your EAP. They were very helpful to me when I was going through some trials in my life and they are completely confidential.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I dont have much to add in the way of helping unfortunately but I wanted to say that Im sending positive thoughts and prayers your way. You sound like a very strong person. You are dealing with much more than most have to.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

My first thought was your schedule stinks!! Is there anyway you could work straight days or nights? Do you have any vacation time you could use to give yourself a breather from work? Is your hubby getting some help for his depression? As others have said, you are an amazing person to be juggling so much! Prayers for you and your family...

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I'm so sorry u are going through this. I'm sure trust issues are big, and I'm impressed you told your co-workers about your asp. Not to worry, I put my foot in my mouth all the time, an apology goes a long way. People with major depression are hard to be around. I hope you can seek out a therapist who makes you feel safe and talk a little. Short term counseling helps with the immediate problem and can help you set goals and see things from a different perspective. I'm in there prayin for u.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in tele, oncology.

My baby brother is an aspie as well...he's in school now for computer programming, go figure. KU

He has made significant progress in the last few years through therapy specifically for aspies, to the point that I now get a hug (albiet a somewhat awkward one) when we see each other. I know you've got more than enough on your plate now as is, but it might be worth checking to see if there's any "social rehab" (as he calls it) groups in your area.

Take care of yourself...my brother has a tendency to forget things like good nutrition and sticking to a set sleep schedule, and it can wreak havok on him. Straight days, maybe two on one off one on, may help as well if you can.

Best of luck to you in finding all that you need.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Thank you everyone for the support. I tried our employee outreach counselling but it was pretty useless. Theres simply a shortage of people in this profession in my area (or perhaps overall).

It's a relief just to know that I'm not a weak person for buckling under this pressure. I see people dealing with so much more that I feel like I don't have much right to complain.

Thank you again everyone.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Thank you everyone for the support. I tried our employee outreach counselling but it was pretty useless. Theres simply a shortage of people in this profession in my area (or perhaps overall).

It's a relief just to know that I'm not a weak person for buckling under this pressure. I see people dealing with so much more that I feel like I don't have much right to complain.

Thank you again everyone.

Whatever YOU are dealing with is important and stressful for YOU :) It's never about who is dealing with more, or less- but what you have to deal with- and you're dealing with a LOT..... gentle hugs :)

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.

YOu have plenty on your plate......we can't give medical advice here and I think you need to follow up with your MD. Stress can cause many physical symptoms. Maybe you have developed sleep anpea or shift sleep disorder.

But be kind to your self....and forgive yourself for being human:hug:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ER.
Thank you everyone for the support. I tried our employee outreach counselling but it was pretty useless. Theres simply a shortage of people in this profession in my area (or perhaps overall).

It's a relief just to know that I'm not a weak person for buckling under this pressure. I see people dealing with so much more that I feel like I don't have much right to complain.

Thank you again everyone.

hang in there. Hopefully your s.o. gets some help, as well, which can make coming home after a long day/night of work much easier.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion