I've been an LPN for 4 and a half years now. I've always worked in acute care, and enjoy it a lot. I also have aspergers and depression. I'm high functioning enough to pass for a "quirky normal" but the social environment around nursing is difficult. I was bullied off my old ward, but for the last 1.5 years have been on a surgical ward thats been pretty good. I was bullied a bit, but managed to stand up for myself and get mostly left alone. I have also told coworkers about my aspergers a few months ago to try and explain why I'm so socially awkward around them. I inevitably put my foot in it at least once a day
Things are also hard at home. My husband suffers from severe clinical depression and coming home to it every day is really wearing me down. To boot, he has been unable to hold a job for the last 2 years, getting fired from the 4 jobs he has held in this period for being unable to cope mentally. Just trying to keep him going is more work than any of my patients. I would leave, but he is also very loving and an excellent partner. I love him more than anyone I've ever been with and being an aspie it's hard to find anyone!
To boot, my wo younger brothers who are worse aspies than me are both killing theselves with drug and alcohol addiction. I have tried to check out of that whole situation entirely, as I can only take on so much at once but my mom is a wreck.
I was on effexor for 7 years, but felt so awfully tired I started to wonder if it was sedating me and switched to 10mg of prozac.
I'm starting to get worried about myself at work. I'm stressed, exhausted, and scatterbrained. I only work 3 12 hour shifts at a time (usually 2 days and a night) to avoid being a complete zombie. I haven't made any major mistakes, mostly just forgetting little stuff (mostly documentation) here and there but I have always prided myself on being a good nurse and I'm worried about losing professional respect or even my job. Being the sole wage earner for what might be the rest of my relationship only makes this pressure worse. Being an aspie also means that I can't read the people around me and have little idea what they think of me or how I am regarded.
I am a total mess. When I go home all I want to do is sleep and I have no motivation to do anything. At work it's all I can do to concentrate on getting my job done to the best of my abilities, theres no energy to try and naviagate even the simplest social interactions with my coworkers.
Is there something I need to be doing? Can anyone else see something that I can't?
Thanks, everyone, for sticking with moral support and non-medical advice. That allows us to keep open a thread that the OP said is helping. If any of you see posts that go against the Terms of Service, please, report them so we can deal with them and keep this thread going.
To the OP:
I admire you greatly for all that you're doing. You are not weak; you're amazingly strong and determined. But even the strongest people have limits.
Your priorities right now should be taking care of yourself, keeping your job and being there for your husband as much as you can. Your brothers are making their own choices. It would be nice if you could save them from themselves, but if they're still having fun with all the partying and don't see it as a problem, the chances of them listening to anything you have to say are slim to none.
Your mother is a grown woman. If she's a wreck, that's sad, but she is not your responsibility. You can give her information about how to deal with her issues and with your brothers, but after that, it's up to her to get the ball rolling.
I would contact National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). Canada does have chapters. Google "NAMI" and "Canada" to find them. These folks can help anyone affected by mental illness--patients, family members, friends--and let them know they are not alone.
I have an adopted adult son who has many aspie traits, so I get the concept of social isolation and not being able to read people. That just makes me admire you all the more for what you've accomplished and are trying to do now.
Maybe you could find an Asperger's support group and make some connections there.
Whatever you do, please, do not let guilt be your motivation. No one benefits if you go under. The other people in your life all have choices that they have to make no matter how much you'd like to step in and make decisions for them. It's stressful to watch folks we care about doing stupid or self-destructive things. The only thing worse is taking on their burdens and going down the tubes yourself.
You have many wonderful attributes and a strong sense of determination. I hope that you can set whatever boundaries you need to survive and thrive. I hope your husband is able to get the help he needs and that the two of you can stay together and build a successful marriage.
Come here to vent when you need to. You're doing the best you can, and that has to be enough.
Are there any coworkers that you could trust enough to get assistance from? Or your immediate supervisor? Can you trust that person to ask for them to spot check your work to make sure you haven't forgotten anything important? That would be a good practice for anyone if you think you might be able to trust anyone not to harm you in the process. And I also agree that you need to fix that schedule, I suggest three nights. And you need to take regular vacations to destress and recharge your batteries. I took regular time off one time when I was having a hard time at work. I think it helped get me through a rough time. Best wishes.
rn/writer, RN
9 Articles; 4,168 Posts
Thanks, everyone, for sticking with moral support and non-medical advice. That allows us to keep open a thread that the OP said is helping. If any of you see posts that go against the Terms of Service, please, report them so we can deal with them and keep this thread going.
To the OP:
I admire you greatly for all that you're doing. You are not weak; you're amazingly strong and determined. But even the strongest people have limits.
Your priorities right now should be taking care of yourself, keeping your job and being there for your husband as much as you can. Your brothers are making their own choices. It would be nice if you could save them from themselves, but if they're still having fun with all the partying and don't see it as a problem, the chances of them listening to anything you have to say are slim to none.
Your mother is a grown woman. If she's a wreck, that's sad, but she is not your responsibility. You can give her information about how to deal with her issues and with your brothers, but after that, it's up to her to get the ball rolling.
I would contact National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). Canada does have chapters. Google "NAMI" and "Canada" to find them. These folks can help anyone affected by mental illness--patients, family members, friends--and let them know they are not alone.
I have an adopted adult son who has many aspie traits, so I get the concept of social isolation and not being able to read people. That just makes me admire you all the more for what you've accomplished and are trying to do now.
Maybe you could find an Asperger's support group and make some connections there.
Whatever you do, please, do not let guilt be your motivation. No one benefits if you go under. The other people in your life all have choices that they have to make no matter how much you'd like to step in and make decisions for them. It's stressful to watch folks we care about doing stupid or self-destructive things. The only thing worse is taking on their burdens and going down the tubes yourself.
You have many wonderful attributes and a strong sense of determination. I hope that you can set whatever boundaries you need to survive and thrive. I hope your husband is able to get the help he needs and that the two of you can stay together and build a successful marriage.
Come here to vent when you need to. You're doing the best you can, and that has to be enough.