Coworker issues - so disheartening

Nurses General Nursing

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Hey guys..long story short: I'm an RN now approaching to complete my first year working at a small facility. The MA (let's call her Ann) who has been there for 3 years has been so good to me, helping with orienting me to the software, some machines and the general routine at this place is now becoming a little harsh. At first I thought maybe it's because I've been doing something wrong, but I spoke with our manager who told me I have learned very fast and he is so impressed by my progress that he now entrusted me with more responsibilities (within my first 2-3 months).

Lately, Ann has been really cold to me and always complaining about the most inane things, like the trash can was not placed exactly under the hole of the counter or that the windows were not wiped or supplies were not arranged the way she wanted them. Now I've been doing my best to make sure everything in the place is clean and clear and every room stocked almost perfectly. (Yes, we need to do all of those aside from nursing work, which I don't mind.)

Another coworker who snooped around and found out everyone's salary (I know, I know, she shouldn't have done that) said she thinks maybe Ann is not happy with the salary difference. At my first year, I earn $4 more than she does being an MA for 3 years. For me, maybe it's just office politics and she is in a power struggle all by herself, thinking that because I don't follow her around like a puppy dog in orientation, she's not "higher" than me anymore (experience-wise.) I don't know..it's just so disheartening to work with a person like this. I always think that if someone is not happy with their life, they will find ways to make other people's lives miserable. Am I overreacting or are there really people like this in nursing?

Specializes in Management, Emergency, Psych, Med Surg.

I strongly recommend that you not make any assumptions about what is going on with her. I would ask that you take her aside in private and tell her that you feel that you have always gotten along with her well and that she has been a great help to you but that you sense that she might be upset by something and then try to determine what that is. If it is a salary issue, that is none of your concern and she should take up her issues with management. Avoid gossip at all costs. Go directly to her for clarification.

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No, this is just people. It's worse in other fields. Just do your best job and you can go home feeling good about yourself.

I agree that this is how people are...but it definitely is not worse in other fields.

To be honest, I thought I was going to read something worse. Whatever you do, don't let people start stepping all over you. Good Luck

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I have a slightly different perspective on working relationships because I grew up in a family business and was taught from a very early age that you do not become "friends" with the employees. You are always "friendly" but not friends. You are always polite, but do not engage in "buddy-type" behavior. This is how I learned to be an employee and as such after 20 years in the working world (now a pre-nursing student) I don't look at my place of employment as a source of friendship or interpersonal validation. I personally believe that having the expectation of making "friends" in the workplace is part of why so many people get their feelings hurt in working situations. You're not there to be friends. You're there to work and you don't need to muddy the objectives by putting your own personal needs in there. (sorry if this sounds cold) I'm sorry that you are upset and hurt about your interactions with this woman, but the bottom line is that you really do not know why she is acting this way. First, I think you need to adjust your expectations. You need to find a way to basically not care that this woman is ****** at you. As long as you know in your heart that you have not intentionally done her any harm then you have done nothing for which you should feel bad or apologize to her. Second, and I recommend this not because you should "care" so much as do it with a more political goal of easing the working environment of tension if possible. I would recommend that you ask her if you may speak with her privately for a moment. She may say no, and if so you have to respect that. But if she says yes I would say something like this, "Anne, you have been a great resource for me here as I have been learning and I have really appreciated that. I may be way off base here, but I perceive that you are upset with me and I don't know why. Will you talk about that with me?" She is probably the type who will deflect and tell you nothing is wrong based on the behavior you have already described. If so, you can say, "I have really enjoyed working with you and I would hate to think that I have done something to upset you. I hope that if you were upset with me you would let me know about it so that we can work it out and keep up our good working relationship." Now you're basically turning it back on her to be a grown-up and own up to her feelings and actions. Again, she will probably deflect and deny, but by doing this you have basically taken away her justification for being a jerk to you. Do NOT expect your relationship to go back to what it was because it most likely won't. Also, no matter how wronged you feel by her actions do not EVER indulge in making negative comments about her to anyone in your workplace. Come here to vent your steam and be professional, cool, and above-all polite and friendly (but not friends) in the work-place. I have always found that if you get your friendship needs met outside the workplace you'll be a lot better off. Good luck to you!

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Specializes in Hospice / Psych / RNAC.

There is a very good reason why a professional does not discuss their salary; just plain old human greed. I'm not saying that all people are greedy but way down deep inside that green monster lurks and comes out when least expected.

"Let's all work as a team" theory is great until you factor in the salaries. I have worked an a few places and there is one constant; the CNAs, MAs, and LPNs in many instances resent that the RN makes x amount of bucks.

I have done everything from offering counsel about how to go back to school; to lying about my salary, but to no avail. So I end up telling them if they want to have an increase in salary then go to school and get the degree.

Frankly I'm tired of having to defend my wage and the reason I sit at the computer and the charts and phone for hours looking like I'm "doing nothing the big nothing" while everyone else does the so called grunt work. I would love to take one of these non-believers and put them in my position for just one day......Haaaa; they would flee hysterically screaming from the building............. never to be heard from again; I guarantee it.

To answer your question; from the perspective of my experience I would say that they're are many that resent the salary difference but only a few who will openly display hostility toward the issue.

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Specializes in Hospice, ONC, Tele, Med Surg, Endo/Output.

If she doesn't like the fact that you earn more than her she should go back to school to become a nurse. She is now annoyed because you are her superior and can ask her to do things.

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I am in the same situation as the OP, except I made double the MA.

I took the verbal abuse, the cold shoulder, the back-talking for months. If it ever came up where she was reminded that I am the nurse and she is not, I would pay for it with attitude for days. It even got to where she was sabotaging me trying to make me look bad, and she would tell people she had to do my work because of my incompetence!!!

I never went to the boss because I wanted to be a "team player" and I didn't want it to look like I couldn't get along with my co-workers. I was also scared of the retaliation.

I finally had enough due to a patient care/safety issue. She was, behind my back, trying to do some aspects of my job involving direct patient care. I went to our big boss, not with a personality conflict, or whining about her attitude, but with concrete proof of patient safety issues that could result in harm coming to the patients (and hospital liability).

Since then, we have not been friends. I continually have to stand up for myself and not let her railroad me, but I have earned her respect. Work is much more pleasant.

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Specializes in Peds Medical Floor.
She liked feeling superior to you, and while you were the newbie was glad to show it. Now that you are comfortable in what you do, you aren't "inferior" anymore, and she has to follow your lead and acknowledge your authority over her.

I've known and worked with plenty people like this!!!!

"Let's all work as a team" theory is great until you factor in the salaries. I have worked an a few places and there is one constant; the CNAs, MAs, and LPNs in many instances resent that the RN makes x amount of bucks.

I have done everything from offering counsel about how to go back to school; to lying about my salary, but to no avail. So I end up telling them if they want to have an increase in salary then go to school and get the degree.

Frankly I'm tired of having to defend my wage and the reason I sit at the computer and the charts and phone for hours looking like I'm "doing nothing the big nothing" while everyone else does the so called grunt work. I would love to take one of these non-believers and put them in my position for just one day......Haaaa; they would flee hysterically screaming from the building............. never to be heard from again; I guarantee it.

I went from being a CNA to LPN and found this very true. When I was a CNA I couldn't figure out why the LPNs made so much more for "just sitting at the computers and passing some pills." Now I know. :lol2: But some of the LPNs I work with insist there is no difference between an RN's education and LPN's education.:uhoh3:

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Specializes in ICU, PIC, BURN UNIT, PEDS, MED SURG, PSY.

Both of you have your strengths, and because only the educational part is valued in the system, you might want to tell her that you know her experience counts and as soon as we get to a healing model rather than a business model of medicine (not yet healing) things will change. We all have to honor what each of us does, but its only the ego stuff that gets in the way. She's probably just looking for some recognition, and you might want to give it to her to make things easier for both of you. Just a suggestion....

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RN VS MA= RN with more $$$, period.

Perhaps both the MA and the snooper need to be terminated. This could be in violation of other employee's privacy and if it causing a rift in the work environment it could be very detrimental.

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Specializes in ICU, PIC, BURN UNIT, PEDS, MED SURG, PSY.

You think that's what's causing a rift in the workplace? Or do you think maybe the whole structure is set up to split one nurse against another?

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She liked feeling superior to you, and while you were the newbie was glad to show it. Now that you are comfortable in what you do, you aren't "inferior" anymore, and she has to follow your lead and acknowledge your authority over her.

That's what the whole putdown in front of the patient was, defiance of your "superior" position as the nurse. Like it or not, there is a heirarchy in both responsibility and pay. Calling her on it in front of the patient would have been petty, but if she continues to do it in front of them (even once more) you need to cut her short. Don't get in a catfight in front of the pt, but tell her you need to speak to her in private; bluntly tell her you don't appreciate being denigrated in front of people who need to be able to trust thier nurse, and not to do it again. Then inform your DON of what you said, so if it comes up again you've established a pattern of her behavior.

The last thing nurses and patients need is someone to undermine the trust and confidence that allows for good care.

You put to words exactly what I had been feeling. At first I thought maybe it's something that I had done. But she never acts like this to other coworkers but maybe because they are all MAs and the only other RNs who work there are the manager and one who is a part-timer. Basically, besides the manager, I'm the only other one who works full time with her. I'm just lucky to have a fair manager who never took sides even though the two of them have worked together since the facility opened. They were the first two people to start and continue to work there.

And yes, she did practically everything you just mentioned above like snide remarks about me in front of patients and sometimes even doctors. Now that the doctors and everyone else has started to trust me that I don't need supervision and can work freely and competently, I think she feels like her "reign" as the go-to person who knows everything from top to bottom is becoming "threatened". But I never complained to the manager because I don't want to be labeled as a complainer. In reality, she has been the one talking about me behind my back and has been the complainer ever since and I know people are starting to notice because they came up to me more than once to tell me about it so that I am aware. I just hope everyone will realize what she really is.

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If I wanted to, I could hold a grudge and be professionally jealous of every person in every nursing class who finished school and got their RN over the years while I got hung up, run down, and run over, by life. I got told by a supervisor one time that I ought to be grateful I was able to wrangle an LVN license out of it because many people don't finish nursing school and walk away with absolutely nothing but wasted time and wasted money. I agree with her, but I can't help but feel somewhat wistful, yet I don't take it out on my co-workers and try to wish people well who achieve their goals. Try to be gracious toward her. She may need it more than both of you realize.

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