Last night at work, I had a fellow coworker and fellow nurse seek care in our ED. She’s relatively young and the night ended with an admission and what’s going to be, more than likely, a terminal diagnosis. I won’t get into any details because she is a private person and I want to respect that.
She ended up relaying the info to me herself because the doctor had updated her prior to me reading the CT. I felt like I had been smacked in the face. I kept it together at the bedside and then cried in the bathroom immediately after. The only thing I wanted was for my shift to be over and go cry in my car. And now I sit here tonight with the entire scenario creeping into my head. I knew her husband when I was younger, he used to be my manager when I first started out in healthcare, super nice guy which only made it harder. I kept telling myself in my head, “you can’t be emotional right now because you gotta keep it together for your patient,” which I did very well at the bedside but I found it hard to concentrate when I was with my other patients.
Does anyone else feel so deeply when “one of our own” is on the other side? I have known a few older nurses that have passed on and I always feel it so deeply that’s it’s uncomfortable. I think it’s because I look up to them so much, it pains me to see someone who has given their whole life to this profession, succumb to it. It’s hard to explain, but I know other nurses will know what I mean. We are all human, it just feels as though we are invincible sometimes. How do people deal with watching “our own” on the other side of the bed? I think therapy may be in order.
