Confrontation with bullies at work place; need advice with next step

[lululucy]

Dear readers,

I'm a new grad, and have been working as a new nurse for early 5 months. I've heard a lot regarding "nurses eat their young" before I stepped a foot into this profession, however, I didn't quite comprehend the significant meaning behind it until I have personally experienced it at my work place.

She's one of my preceptors when I initially started working there. As a new grad, I anticipated a lot of support, a hand of guidance, and patience, however, after a period of time spending with her, sadly to say, she had successfully made my life miserable, and made me feel extremely unwelcome. At a point I even contemplated whether this is what nursing is about. I lost my eager passion for nursing. Initially, I would greet her with a hi and bye whenever I see, and her reaction to my greetings were very indifferent and sometimes she would just look at me and turned away. Ultimately, It made me feel very embarrassed in front of everyone, several times, I thought to myself, why am I so persistent with her? why am I so desperate to get her approval? Why am I let her put me down again, and again? For what?

So yesterday was the climax of this bullying business, or perhaps, put an end to my misery. First, I walked in on her gossiping about me with another co-worker in the nursing station. At that moment, I just looked at them both in disbelief. Secondly, what really ignited my untold emotions was with a patient's IV antibiotic. Another co-worker, let's name her B, whom I gave report to, also a close friend to hers, and her (A) were discussing that she discovered that there's very fluid backed up, about 5ml, in a 3g Unasyn bottle which was attached to the 100ml 0.9% sodium Chloride. Be mindful, I gave all my reports already, had to stay to hang another bag because another co-worker © was complaining that I should have done that during my shift, of course, I willingly agreed to change the IV bag. It was close to 8am in the morning, I was preparing to head back to the locker room, when I heard my name, I looked up it was nurse A calling for me to go to nurse B. They knew exactly what to do with the bag, but had me call the Pharmacy and bring it down to the Pharmacy department to have them show me how.

On my way down, I was so upset, tears were inevitably rolling down my cheeks. My nursing educator saw me. She told me that she heard a calling from God and saw me standing in a corner crying. I thank God that she saw me. After hearing what had happened, she furiously took me upstairs and called in each person for confrontation. My manager was there at the time of event. My former preceptor, nurse A, admitted that she was closed off to me, and it all started when she first precepted and perceived my attitude and action as not receptive to her teachings. I stood there shaking my head while listening to her complains. So my manager inquired when all of this was going on, how come as a senior nurse, especially a preceptor, she didn't express it to her when they had meetings together. In addition, she fabricated more lies about me not giving her full reports in the morning. I voiced myself and said it loud and clear in front of everyone that every time we sat down to give her reports, she's either not listening attentively and in the middle of giving reports, she would turn away to start conversing with another nurse, or snatching reports from my hand and telling me she knows the patient and need no more reports from me.

I've been thinking a lot. I don't know if I can still work on that unit anymore. I don't know if I should transfer to another unit, or apply to another hospital. I know distinctively that these nasty people are everywhere, but especially, since the confrontation and mediation took place, I'm not anticipating my work life to be any more easier or comfortable on that unit. Words will spread like feathers throughout the whole unit. I don't know how people will view me after this incident. Perhaps, using higher authority to report the "bullies"?

I feel lonelier than ever. It makes me dread going to work everyday. Please help!

Sincerely,

Your desperate fellow nurse

[Dragonfly777]

if I was you I would switch maybe shifts but same floor. Anything to avoid person you were confronted against. Now, your preceptor will try to get back at you and try to find flaws or errors in which she could report you on. Idk, it's funny bc even though I've been very blessed by not having anyone bully me or think they are better than me directly anyway. I feel or sense that vibe just when they look at me. BEST WAY FOR YOU TO OVERCOME BULLIES IS TO BE CONFIDENT IN YOURSELF ...SHOW THEM YOUR SMART. With time you can be their manager

[LovedRN, BSN, RN]

I experienced it with my 4th semester preceptor. I feel sorry for you. Everything will get better.

[Art_Vandelay]

I think that you went into this with the wrong expectations. It's not the job of the preceptor to offer you a lot of support, guidance and patience when it comes to you working with patients.

The preceptor's job is to help you learn, but the patient always takes priority over your needs.

Your job is to learn how to do patient care without demanding extra attention from your preceptor that will pull her away from her patient responsibilities.

Having you follow up on the IV issue with pharmacy was a good example of them trying to take advantage of a "teachable moment" and I think they did great in taking the time to do that.

It was something you needed to learn that will serve you well in the future; I can't imagine why you would be upset about that.

A lot of people might have just rolled their eyes at your ineptness, done it themselves, and given up on you.

If the nurse isn't paying attention to your reports, perhaps she is frustrated with the way you are giving report.

I can understand crying in frustration but the fact that tattled on them for being mean to you is astounding. And now you want to go even further up the chain of command?

This is not an example of "nurses eating their young," whatever that means.

You need to adjust your expectations or you will continue to be frustrated in you job.

I respectfully disagree. Making the OP walk down to pharmacy and having pharmacy explain the procedure? Isn't that what preceptors are supposed to do?

From the sound of it, the OP didn't "tattle" but ran into someone who realized she was visibly upset.

I do agree with the other posters that you will have to develop a "thicker skin." You have to use your assessment skills on co-workers and realize who you can trust and ask questions openly, and ironically, sometimes it's not those who should be helping you.

Personally, I have found that standing your ground with "bullies" stops the behavior, i.e. being direct with them, not involving management. Running away is not the answer. Just remain confident and focus on the patients.

[Heathermyers]

I don't think you should have to tolerate a bully. Just b/c bulling is everywhere doesn't mean it's okay. A preceptor is there to help you learn and if she's not interesting in teaching you, she should not precept. I am a christian and believe in the golden rule. Unfortunately, managers can't always help. Look to other good hearted coworkers to ban together to let the bully know you're not going to accept this behavior. Ignoring the problem will only encourage bad behavior.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

despite the op's many complaints about her preceptor, i'm not sure that there was any actual bullying going on. perhaps the op's high expectations for her preceptor weren't met. a lot of support, patience and "a hand of guidance" are all nice ideals, but they're also very subjective. what looks like support and guidance to one person may look like hovering and second guessing to another, and if there wasn't any real communication going on between preceptor and orientee, expectations are going to remain unmet.

i'm struck by the op's fixation on exchanging greetings and her idea that the preceptor was not enthusiastic enough in doing so. that and the complaint about "gossiping with another co-worker." one thing that new nurses frequently do not understand is that it is the preceptors job to communicate with co-workers about their orientee's progress (or lack thereof). if the preceptor was discussing the orientee with a charge nurse, an assistant nurse manager, a staff educator on the unit level, a member of the unit's education or orientation committees or another preceptor who might possibly be working with the orientee at some future date it isn't "gossiping". it's necessary communication.

if the orientee's greetings were truly being rebuffed (as opposed to not being answered as enthusiastically as she might wish), that might be interpreted as being rude, but it's hardly bullying. the preceptor's response to the orientee's attempts to give report might also be rude but is hardly bullying. one other interpretation might be that the preceptor had tried to teach the orientee the accepted format for report and the orientee wasn't following that format and/or was giving the impression that she wasn't interesting in learning or following the accepted format. the op's noting that the preceptor was "closed off to her" because, in the preceptor's words, the op was resistant to learning makes me wonder if the op was having difficulty in learning the norms of the unit.

i'm sure we're not getting the whole story here, just the original poster's rather emotional side of things. i hope the op can step back enough from the situation to consider some of the advice she's been given and hopefully learn from it.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

i respectfully disagree. making the op walk down to pharmacy and having pharmacy explain the procedure? isn't that what preceptors are supposed to do?

from the sound of it, the op didn't "tattle" but ran into someone who realized she was visibly upset.

i do agree with the other posters that you will have to develop a "thicker skin." you have to use your assessment skills on co-workers and realize who you can trust and ask questions openly, and ironically, sometimes it's not those who should be helping you.

personally, i have found that standing your ground with "bullies" stops the behavior, i.e. being direct with them, not involving management. running away is not the answer. just remain confident and focus on the patients.

if the preceptor had tried to explain the procedure but the op just wasn't getting it, it's time to have someone else try to explain it in a different way, or perhaps to show them how to do it. perhaps the pharmacist was the best person to teach that procedure.

being visibly upset or in tears doesn't mean that the op was in the right. i'd feel better about the whole situation with the educator had it not been for the "calling from god" comment.

again, i'm not convinced that there was any actual bullying going on. i think the op needs to take a step back from the situation, take a deep breath and try to learn from the comments -- even the ones she disagrees with -- posted here.

[sapphire18]

I disagree with anyone who says that it's not a preceptor's job to be supportive and help you to feel comfortable at the job. This sounds like a very hostile environment indeed, OP, but as others have suggested, I would *try* to grow a thicker skin, and don't leave your job because of a few nasty nurses. This should not be tolerated, but unfortunately in the nursing culture, it is.

[dudette10, MSN, RN]

I think you both played a part in developing a tense relationship.

My former preceptor, nurse A, admitted that she was closed off to me, and it all started when she first precepted and perceived my attitude and action as not receptive to her teachings. I stood there shaking my head while listening to her complaints.

The preceptor, instead of addressing the issue with you directly, just gave up. I believe that you, OP, weren't receptive to the teaching, as evidenced by your reaction while it was being addressed with the manager.

Learning and teaching requires a healthy bit of self-reflection, and it goes a long way to making a good working relationship between the teacher and the student.

[spotangel, DNP, RN, NP]

Hey New Grad!

Chin up! Nursing is a great profession and I have worked as a nurse and as a manager.Stand firm and document your conversations.Get your union involved.Preception is no excuse for bullying.If they don't want to precept then they should not.You are not to blame.Find out someone who is good at what they do and ask if they can precept you.If you don't get help,stay there look for another job and move on.Never burn your bridges or badmouth them if you leave.Remember why you came to the profession.God helps those who help themselves.

[spotangel, DNP, RN, NP]

Chin up kiddo! Stay firm and true to yourself.

[Nurse SMS, MSN, RN]

I honestly had a lot of trouble following the original post and deciphering what was really going on. It seems like the emotional posts of interactions between person A, B, C and D never quite flush out to a clear picture when posted on a bulletin board. At least not for me. Therefore I have no idea if the OP is overly sensitive, the other individuals involved are overly cruel or what.

Here's my $.02 on being a new nurse. It is easy in our "newness" to overanalyze every interaction, hypercriticize every mistake internally and to be hyperaware of everything going on in the unit. We filter every possible human interaction on the unit through the eyes of "What does this mean for how I am doing? Am I thought well of? Am I liked? Am I successful?" etc etc etc. That is pretty natural - but often ill-advisable and usually just plain false.

As new nurses we have a responsibility to take every bit of criticism/guidance/mentorship/feedback and process the value in it as pertains to our practice as a nurse. When there is SO MUCH we are doing that needs tweaking or outright correcting, it is easy to get very down. Some of us are youngsters straight from college into our first job and dealing with all the culture shock that can bring. Others of us are coming into nursing as full blown adults with successful careers before becoming nurses and are having to learn how to reprioritize what is important. We're used to being very good at what we do and suddenly now we are beginners again. Still others came into nursing after a prior career that went away for whatever reason. Obviously that comes with a lot of baggage as well. And increased baggage for most people equates to increased anxiety, increased fear, increased tendency to misinterpret, overreact or even just plain give up.

Ultimately the bottom line is that we can only control what we, ourselves do. You can't control another person. To say that it is the preceptor's job to make us feel okay about what we are doing is pretty silly. The ultimate control of our feelings and reactions lie within us. It is, of course, preferable to have preceptors who are supportive, encouraging, kind and nurturing, but given the variability of any day on the unit and add in the variabillity of any given person's moods, hormones, distractions, stress level and desire to be there at all, what you come up with is basic human interaction. Flawed, fraught with distractors and ripe for misinterpretation and negativity on any given day.

My job as a new grad nurse? Control my emotions and reactions, focus on the goal ... to learn to be safe, to learn the protocols, to learn the culture of the new unit, to learn good assessment skills, to learn time management etc.

The preceptor's job? To teach to be safe, teach the protools, teach the culture of the unit, teach good assessment skills, teach time management and provide an environment in which learning can take place as much as is within his or her control. Unfortunately the natural sensitivity of the new grad isn't within the preceptor's control. Sometimes personalities match up and this takes care of itself on its own. And somtimes not.

The bottom line is the only person any given person can truly control is themselves. So make a decision to do that. I can't say whether the OP's situation is bad, good or indifferent. I can say the OP sounds new, insecure in her role, self critical, defensive and desperate for approval. And those are things management and preceptors can't fix. They are like internal weeds. If nurtured, they will take over everything and be pretty ugly and destructive. One hopes for a preceptor that comes armed with the ability to help squash that, but if those thoughts are virulent enough even the most powerful preceptor can't help with it. Only the OP knows whether that is the case here. I know pretty much every new grad struggles with that at least some of the time. And knowing that, one can have insight into oneself and to learn to do a little self grooming. And yes, that can be painful.

A powerful thought, that one - Control what you can. And that equates only to oneself. Actions, interactions AND reactions. Could it be bullying? Sure. Can I tell for certain that it was? No.

[fiveofpeep]

Oh yeah, it's never bullying unless it's the ignorant new nurses or students trying to steal the jobs of the ever-so-wise experienced nurses who are always justified in their episodes of hostility because it is so difficult for them to deal with these idiot new nurses.