Confrontation with bullies at work place; need advice with next step

I'm a new grad, and have been working as a new nurse for early 5 months. I've heard a lot regarding "nurses eat their young" before I stepped a foot into this profession, however, I didn't quite comprehend the significant meaning behind it until I have personally experienced it at my work place. Nurses Announcements Archive Article

Dear readers,

I'm a new grad, and have been working as a new nurse for early 5 months. I've heard a lot regarding "nurses eat their young" before I stepped a foot into this profession, however, I didn't quite comprehend the significant meaning behind it until I have personally experienced it at my work place.

She's one of my preceptors when I initially started working there. As a new grad, I anticipated a lot of support, a hand of guidance, and patience, however, after a period of time spending with her, sadly to say, she had successfully made my life miserable, and made me feel extremely unwelcome. At a point I even contemplated whether this is what nursing is about. I lost my eager passion for nursing. Initially, I would greet her with a hi and bye whenever I see, and her reaction to my greetings were very indifferent and sometimes she would just look at me and turned away. Ultimately, It made me feel very embarrassed in front of everyone, several times, I thought to myself, why am I so persistent with her? why am I so desperate to get her approval? Why am I let her put me down again, and again? For what?

So yesterday was the climax of this bullying business, or perhaps, put an end to my misery. First, I walked in on her gossiping about me with another co-worker in the nursing station. At that moment, I just looked at them both in disbelief. Secondly, what really ignited my untold emotions was with a patient's IV antibiotic. Another co-worker, let's name her B, whom I gave report to, also a close friend to hers, and her (A) were discussing that she discovered that there's very fluid backed up, about 5ml, in a 3g Unasyn bottle which was attached to the 100ml 0.9% sodium Chloride. Be mindful, I gave all my reports already, had to stay to hang another bag because another co-worker © was complaining that I should have done that during my shift, of course, I willingly agreed to change the IV bag. It was close to 8am in the morning, I was preparing to head back to the locker room, when I heard my name, I looked up it was nurse A calling for me to go to nurse B. They knew exactly what to do with the bag, but had me call the Pharmacy and bring it down to the Pharmacy department to have them show me how.

On my way down, I was so upset, tears were inevitably rolling down my cheeks. My nursing educator saw me. She told me that she heard a calling from God and saw me standing in a corner crying. I thank God that she saw me. After hearing what had happened, she furiously took me upstairs and called in each person for confrontation. My manager was there at the time of event. My former preceptor, nurse A, admitted that she was closed off to me, and it all started when she first precepted and perceived my attitude and action as not receptive to her teachings. I stood there shaking my head while listening to her complains. So my manager inquired when all of this was going on, how come as a senior nurse, especially a preceptor, she didn't express it to her when they had meetings together. In addition, she fabricated more lies about me not giving her full reports in the morning. I voiced myself and said it loud and clear in front of everyone that every time we sat down to give her reports, she's either not listening attentively and in the middle of giving reports, she would turn away to start conversing with another nurse, or snatching reports from my hand and telling me she knows the patient and need no more reports from me.

I've been thinking a lot. I don't know if I can still work on that unit anymore. I don't know if I should transfer to another unit, or apply to another hospital. I know distinctively that these nasty people are everywhere, but especially, since the confrontation and mediation took place, I'm not anticipating my work life to be any more easier or comfortable on that unit. Words will spread like feathers throughout the whole unit. I don't know how people will view me after this incident. Perhaps, using higher authority to report the "bullies"?

I feel lonelier than ever. It makes me dread going to work everyday. Please help!

Sincerely,

Your desperate fellow nurse

Specializes in critical care, PACU.
I can say the OP sounds new, insecure in her role, self critical, defensive and desperate for approval. And those are things management and preceptors can't fix. They are like internal weeds. If nurtured, they will take over everything and be pretty ugly and destructive.

What a wonderful and balanced post. I definitely struggle with this still to this day, but looking back on how I was when I first graduated, compared to now, two years later, it has definitely improved a hundred-fold.

OP--it just goes to show that this is all normal, but if you work on being less defensive and critical of yourself each and every day, things will slowly get better over time, and one day you can look back too and see how far you have grown...and also how far you have to go.

It sucks when other nurses are passive aggressive or down right aggressive, and I certainly do take it personally initially but I've noticed that over time I will hold on to that hurt for a lot shorter of a duration. Instead of it bothering me for a day or a week, it will bother me for fifteen minutes, or an hour.

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Specializes in -.

I'm in my final role transition and working as a nurse assistant on two different pediatric intensive care floors. I've run across some of the bullying you are talking about. I've learned to confront nasty behavior with positive`no-nonsense' behavior. The few times I've happened upon nurses making a comment about something that I didn't do up to their standards (honestly I might not have done it right - heck I'm new) ~ But I just interrupted them and addressed it right there - nice and direct with 'just let me know what you need done and how you like it done'. The person talking negative laughed and gave me a look like 'are you serious' - but the group disbanded. After a few of these with direct confrontations these nurses are now nice to me - I even got a "thanks for all your help last night".

I also just had a nurse snap at me for not having her isolation cart stocked right - she wanted double the gowns out and quadruple the gloves......I just told her that "I" don't overstock the carts on my shift but don't worry I will make sure you have what you need when you need it." I said this nicely and confidently then ignored her. Now she actually speaks to me nicely every now and then.

You can take a lot of wind out of a bullies sail by being confident in who you are and confronting them back (respectfully) if they say or do something that you think is out of line. Don't give them power. You may never get on their good side, but they will soon learn that you aren't one to put up with petty picking on.

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Hi, I appreciate your comment. You might have misread some of the content in this entry. She was my former preceptor, and at the moment of incident she was a nurse who took the reports from me. As a former preceptor, and under the circumstance that she knew how to handle the IV bag, instead of showing me the correct way (we never encounter this IV bag issue during our preceptor-ship, so I wouldn't know how to correct myself), she walked away from me. Left me hanging.

I was upset because I felt I didn't get the support that I wanted from those senior nurses. As a new grad, working my very first job, and being thrown into a very unfamiliar working environment, the last request that I ask of her is to be supportive and not making me feel incompetent about myself.

Of course, I have to improve my own emotional control over things as such. After careful consideration, it is no one to be blamed but my lack of experience of the real world and people in general. There's always so much to learn on every day basis.

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Thank you for your honest opinions. I think these are some emotional issues that I have to learn to overcome for future encounter.

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I think that you went into this with the wrong expectations. It's not the job of the preceptor to offer you a lot of support, guidance and patience when it comes to you working with patients.

The preceptor's job is to help you learn, but the patient always takes priority over your needs.

Your job is to learn how to do patient care without demanding extra attention from your preceptor that will pull her away from her patient responsibilities.

Having you follow up on the IV issue with pharmacy was a good example of them trying to take advantage of a "teachable moment" and I think they did great in taking the time to do that.

It was something you needed to learn that will serve you well in the future; I can't imagine why you would be upset about that.

A lot of people might have just rolled their eyes at your ineptness, done it themselves, and given up on you.

If the nurse isn't paying attention to your reports, perhaps she is frustrated with the way you are giving report.

I can understand crying in frustration but the fact that tattled on them for being mean to you is astounding. And now you want to go even further up the chain of command?

This is not an example of "nurses eating their young," whatever that means.

You need to adjust your expectations or you will continue to be frustrated in you job.

Hi, I appreciate your comment. You might have misread some of the content in this entry. She was my former preceptor, and at the moment of incident she was a nurse who took the reports from me. As a former preceptor, and under the circumstance that she knew how to handle the IV bag, instead of showing me the correct way (we never encounter this IV bag issue during our preceptor-ship, so I wouldn't know how to correct myself), she walked away from me. Left me hanging.

I was upset because I felt I didn't get the support that I wanted from those senior nurses. As a new grad, working my very first job, and being thrown into a very unfamiliar working environment, the last request that I ask of her is to be supportive and not making me feel incompetent about myself.

Of course, I have to improve my own emotional control over things as such. After careful consideration, it is no one to be blamed but my lack of experience of the real world and people in general. There's always so much to learn on every day basis.

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You need to grow a thick skin.If you are going to analyze things such as saying hi and bye you are going to be very unhappy.You can't take everything personally.Gossip? get used to it.There is always some.Just do your job and ignore the rest.Nurse managers are not teachers on the play ground and you can't run to them whining that the other kids aren't playing nice.

Thank you for your honest opinions. I think these are some emotional issues that I have to learn to overcome for future encounter.

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I respectfully disagree. Making the OP walk down to pharmacy and having pharmacy explain the procedure? Isn't that what preceptors are supposed to do?

From the sound of it, the OP didn't "tattle" but ran into someone who realized she was visibly upset.

I do agree with the other posters that you will have to develop a "thicker skin." You have to use your assessment skills on co-workers and realize who you can trust and ask questions openly, and ironically, sometimes it's not those who should be helping you.

Personally, I have found that standing your ground with "bullies" stops the behavior, i.e. being direct with them, not involving management. Running away is not the answer. Just remain confident and focus on the patients.

Thanks for your encouragement and clarification of my entry. =]

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Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.

I think it was Eleanor Roosevelt who said "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission". Easier said than done sometimes, but what you have to carry with you is the realization that you have passed nursing school - passed NCLEX - passed your probationary orientation time and are an RN in your own right. As is often mentioned here, even the most seasoned nurses are going to make mistakes and are still learning. Therefore your playing field is now pretty much even in that regard. Not everyone is going to give you clearance due to your "newbie" status. And honestly....at what point do you stop "deserving" clearance for that? Perhaps it is a compliment that they expect more from you now.

Find the "silver apes" on your unit....the nurses who have been in the business of nursing a long time. People you respect and who know what they are doing. Ask them for feedback regularly. Invite them to nitpick you, to critique you and ask openly if you can rely on them as a source of information during your shift. And then take what they say seriously, even if they are gruff. Consciously determine what voices you are going to listen to and which ones will earn a smile, a nod and a drawer in the back of your mind to be packed away into. And use those boundaries as a way to keep your emotional playing field secure.

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Specializes in FNP/FPMHNP-BC.

OP. Hang in there . Things will get better. As time goes by , U will understand why your preceptor is acting that way. From my experience, nurses that bully other nurses don't really know ****. And afraid that one day U will know the truth about them. They may have more on the job time than U, But their experience compare to the time they have on the job is inferior.

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Specializes in FNP/FPMHNP-BC.

One day that same nurse would want to be your friend because she would not want U letting out her secret. ( her experience is inferior.)

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despite the op's many complaints about her preceptor, i'm not sure that there was any actual bullying going on. perhaps the op's high expectations for her preceptor weren't met. a lot of support, patience and "a hand of guidance" are all nice ideals, but they're also very subjective. what looks like support and guidance to one person may look like hovering and second guessing to another, and if there wasn't any real communication going on between preceptor and orientee, expectations are going to remain unmet.

i'm struck by the op's fixation on exchanging greetings and her idea that the preceptor was not enthusiastic enough in doing so. that and the complaint about "gossiping with another co-worker." one thing that new nurses frequently do not understand is that it is the preceptors job to communicate with co-workers about their orientee's progress (or lack thereof). if the preceptor was discussing the orientee with a charge nurse, an assistant nurse manager, a staff educator on the unit level, a member of the unit's education or orientation committees or another preceptor who might possibly be working with the orientee at some future date it isn't "gossiping". it's necessary communication.

if the orientee's greetings were truly being rebuffed (as opposed to not being answered as enthusiastically as she might wish), that might be interpreted as being rude, but it's hardly bullying. the preceptor's response to the orientee's attempts to give report might also be rude but is hardly bullying. one other interpretation might be that the preceptor had tried to teach the orientee the accepted format for report and the orientee wasn't following that format and/or was giving the impression that she wasn't interesting in learning or following the accepted format. the op's noting that the preceptor was "closed off to her" because, in the preceptor's words, the op was resistant to learning makes me wonder if the op was having difficulty in learning the norms of the unit.

i'm sure we're not getting the whole story here, just the original poster's rather emotional side of things. i hope the op can step back enough from the situation to consider some of the advice she's been given and hopefully learn from it.

thank you for your sincere third person perspective. it was nice to see it from another person's interpretation of this event. in reference to "gossiping with another co-worker", i realized this is very common on the floor, and the co-worker she's talking to isn't the charge nurse of my night shift, she was just a co-worker (she wasn't my preceptor at the time of this incident, rather a former preceptor). i would appreciate if she discuss my mistakes with me, instead of talking to a third party, whom has no business to intervene. it would be a different story if she was communicating to a nursing educator or another preceptor of my progress to enhance my work performance, rather they were merely talking about that "i should have known to do that".

some co-workers have told me to be on her best side. i really tried. i can't change her perception of me.

nonetheless, i don't want to prove who's right or wrong at this moment. my only desire is to learn from people who have overcome such unfortunate experience and learn from them. i really thought a lot since that day, and have decided to really tackle and thrive in this obstacle, and to learn to build my inner self.

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nonetheless, i don't want to prove who's right or wrong at this moment. my only desire is to learn from people who have overcome such unfortunate experience and learn from them. i really thought a lot since that day, and have decided to really tackle and thrive in this obstacle, and to learn to build my inner self.

i am not sure if you are being bullied or are just being treated rudely. i'm sorry that your first experience as a nurse is not as supportive as you imagined. new nurses have enough problems to overcome just learning how to be a nurse without all the additional stress.

i had similar problems as you, with one particular nurse. however, she was fairly rude to everyone, but when i hired in with 5 other new grads, she zeroed in on me as the "weak link", i guess, and made me miserable. everyone else saw it, too - guess i was just the lucky one.

i'm not sure i have any advice for you, except you really do need that thicker skin. in my case, i just tried to ignore her rudeness and i never confronted her. over time, she got better with me, but i was always on edge around her. after two years, i transferred. with much more confidence and experience behind me, i would never tolerate that kind of behavior from anyone.

hopefully things will get better for you. keep your head up, ask lots of questions, and try your best. hopefully you can find someone on your unit to give you the support that you need!

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