My DH told me that he is being teased by people where he works, because he is putting me through school!! They have told him that I will LEAVE after I graduate! :angryfire [We have been married for 18 yrs.]
He is 50y/o and KNOWS that I will NOT leave him, but gets upset hearing these jerks say the same thing over and over. I got to hear a comment from one of them the other day. My DH had been on vaction the week after Christmas, and went in to check his schedule. He forgot whether he was supposed to go in at 11pm or 1am, so I called for him, while he was sleeping.
The jerk who took the call told me first the my DH must be getting Alzheimer's because he forgot, then he told me that I needed to trade my DH in for a newer model!! :angryfire He proceeded to say that they were taking bets to see how long I kept him after I graduate!!!
Of course I denied everything, but I was really shocked and extremely hurt, to think that my DH, who works anywhere from 40 to 80 hrs. a week in hard physical labor, so I can get through shcool, has to put up with this crap!!!
Anyone else getting this kinda stuff happening to them? If so, how doyou deal with it?
My husband would get comments at times from the other guys at work. They were truly just messing around with him though. His come back was that he couldn't wait for the paychecks to start coming in. He would just act proud that I was going to school and we would have some extra money coming in. He would tease the guys right back about the things we will be able to afford now that we will have two incomes. That usually would quiet them down.
I really don't like this word, but could jealousy be a factor for the people teasing him? I also don't think people leave after school beacause they now have a half way decent job, they leave because the marriage is not a good marriage. I am sure some women leave because they have wanted to and now have an income, but the ultimate reason is the marriage is not a happy one.
my BF is putting me through school, just bought me a car and pretty much takes care of me......and he get's a bunch of hell for it.
It makes me mad, why do his friends all of a sudden care about what he does with me, they don't care about anything else he does.
He often tells them that as soon as I'm working, he's going to focus on his biz full time and make millions....that shuts them up for awhile or gets a laugh to break the tension.
if you ask me, they're jealous that they can't do the same thing that your husband is doing. You sound like you have a keeper!!!
However, there are some ppl who use there spouse as a way out of marriage they don't want to be in.
Specializes in FNP, Peds, Epilepsy, Mgt., Occ. Ed.
I've been married going on 24 years. Tech school (LPN), associate degree, bachelor's degree, master's degree. I don't think my husband ever got teased, but if I'd ever left, it wouldn't have had a whole lot to do with going to school.
I have known people who left a spouse who put them through school, so it does happen, but again the basic issues are marriage issues, not school. One LPN classmate divorced her husband as soon as she got licensed. She never admitted it, but she went to school in the first place to be able to support herself and her kids without him. He was verbally abusive, serially unfaithful, and expected her to be the perfect housewife while she was in school. I know another nurse whose first husband put her through tech school and then college; she left him for a doctor. Last I'd heard, *he* had divorced *her* because she's a nut case; hubby #1 and #2 both are better off without her.
Sometimes underlying marriage issues may "come out" due to a spouse's going back to school. They were there all along, just not visible until pressure made the cracks show up.
Also, has anyone else ever known physicians who divorced spouses who put them through medical school and supported their residencies? I've probably known more physicians who left spouses than nurses.
If he responds in a way where he lets on that they're bugging him, they just continue.
Instead, he should smile real big, pat his chest and say, "Yeah, won't be long and I'll be a kept man! Think I'm gonna go fishin' while I let the wife take care of things for a change."
-or-
He could say something like this, "Leave??? Heck, I can't keep her hands off of me long enough for her to leave. It was just last night that she was waiting for me at the front door, wearing nothing but a smile! No wonder I come here most days exhausted. She's GOT to go to work so I can get some rest!"
I would bet... many of these guys' own machos would be bruised if their wives went to work.... POSSIBLY making more than them. They couldn't handle it if their wives were educated and bringing home the bacon for a change. It would probably crush their pathetic egos.
I think the whole thing has more to do with their own inability to see a woman as an equal in a relationship (like your husband seems to) and her ability to bring in money. Or, I would also bet a bit of it has to do with their own jealousies of HIS wife (you) going out and doing something worthwhile, while their wives biggest contribution is wiping the crumbs from the bed after laying there eating chips all day.
Hang in there sweetie! There are just some people who can't stand to see others do well! Of course the best revenge is to live well and be happy!
In this case, the teasers are trying to look out for your husband (although all of that teasing isn't the least bit funny). Maybe if he tells them that he appreciates their concern but HIS marriage is not the same as Joe's marriage, Pete's marriage, Doug's marriage, the neighbour's marriage, etc, etc. And the jokes about fishin' and not being able to keep your hands off of him would certainly help. Sounds too much like elementary school and not enough like a work environment.
It does happen though. One of my classmates has been living with a guy since before we started school. During the first semester she started saying to us that if he didn't propose, she would finish school and leave. But, one night at a class party the subject came up (from her mother) and he said point blank that he told her when they met that he didn't believe in marriage and would never get married and said it again before they moved in together. The relationship is rocky at best but he is happy with it. She continues to tell us that she's leaving after her first paycheque. I'm sure she hasn't told him this but it's been three years since she made this decision. Unfortunately, there are individuals out there who will use this type of deception to get someone else to pay for schooling. It's happened often enough that most men will hear a comment or two when they are supporting a woman in pursuing any career education. But, I have also heard of one guy whose wife put him through nursing school (herself a nurse) and he left two weeks after passing his boards. Sad, but true.
Hi, I probably shouldn't post as I am a newbie here and all but, this one really grabbed my attention........ I apologize now.
I am on the flip side of this one, I fought my husband for over 5 years to be able to go to school for a nursing degree...... fought tooth and nail actually lol. It was because of this very fear he fought against it so hard, afraid I would become "self-sustaining" and drop him before completing the walk across the stage at graduation, so it is a real thing spouses are afraid of just based on what I have went thru and heard from classmates. I have just started up the ladder with my CNA but, again this fear is popping up and I haven't even applied to the RN program yet. I do agree that there is a lot of pressure in this field of study, and I don't even know the half of it but, it does get extremely frustrating when you are trying to study 4 chapters a night and prepare for a test every 2-3 days, only to hear that "it wouldn't kill you to take a night off from school you know". I don't know, I see both sides, both ways........ just too busy finally getting to do what I have always wanted to do to listen at the moment.
Hi, I probably shouldn't post as I am a newbie here and all but, this one really grabbed my attention........ I apologize now.
I am on the flip side of this one, I fought my husband for over 5 years to be able to go to school for a nursing degree...... fought tooth and nail actually lol. It was because of this very fear he fought against it so hard, afraid I would become "self-sustaining" and drop him before completing the walk across the stage at graduation, so it is a real thing spouses are afraid of just based on what I have went thru and heard from classmates. I have just started up the ladder with my CNA but, again this fear is popping up and I haven't even applied to the RN program yet. I do agree that there is a lot of pressure in this field of study, and I don't even know the half of it but, it does get extremely frustrating when you are trying to study 4 chapters a night and prepare for a test every 2-3 days, only to hear that "it wouldn't kill you to take a night off from school you know". I don't know, I see both sides, both ways........ just too busy finally getting to do what I have always wanted to do to listen at the moment.
Just my humble opinion, sorry.
PJ
Don't apologize for stating your opinion. You have every right to post!
I have to wonder though about a man who doesn't support your dreams, that you had to fight tooth and nail to get his support (financial and otherwise). Sorry, but I don't think I would have let a spouse hold me back from my dreams like that for five years. :)
As bad as it may sound, it does happen. People leave their spouses everyday. It just so happens that new grad nurses leave their spouses sometimes, too. But not all new grads leave. My husband endured lots of remarks from his work friends saying I would leave him soon after I graduated. I'm here for now, but I could still leave. I think it's not all about going to nursing school, or graduating and getting a way to support myself and my son. We had problems before nursing school, and we still have problems. Nursing school was a way for me to be able to have a career, and fulfill a dream of going to college. Divorce happens a lot in this country. BUt not everyone gets divorced. If you don't intend to leave your husband, make sure he knows this! CUddle him, spend extra time with him, try to arrange time off from studying whenever possible to be with him. Make his favorite meal, whatever it takes, just let him know you are thinking of him.
Hi, I probably shouldn't post as I am a newbie here and all but, this one really grabbed my attention........ I apologize now.
I am on the flip side of this one, I fought my husband for over 5 years to be able to go to school for a nursing degree...... fought tooth and nail actually lol. It was because of this very fear he fought against it so hard, afraid I would become "self-sustaining" and drop him before completing the walk across the stage at graduation, so it is a real thing spouses are afraid of just based on what I have went thru and heard from classmates. I have just started up the ladder with my CNA but, again this fear is popping up and I haven't even applied to the RN program yet. I do agree that there is a lot of pressure in this field of study, and I don't even know the half of it but, it does get extremely frustrating when you are trying to study 4 chapters a night and prepare for a test every 2-3 days, only to hear that "it wouldn't kill you to take a night off from school you know". I don't know, I see both sides, both ways........ just too busy finally getting to do what I have always wanted to do to listen at the moment.
Just my humble opinion, sorry.
PJ
Your humble opinion is always allowed here, PJ. And I know exactly where you're coming from too....my hubby was the same way throughout LPN school. People were teasing him about me leaving and we had some pretty big issues that led us toward that direction a couple of times! I even got the..."You're gonna leave me for some rich Dr when you graduate, aren't ya?" routine.
But he finally calmed down about it when he realized I wasn't going anywhere, and now, he's dealing with RN school much better than before.
It doesn't always last, but when he figured out he wasn't going to keep me from my dream, he let up on me.
And besides, if I was going to leave him, I was self-sustaining when I worked in a factory.....what makes him think I have to be a nurse in order to leave?:stone
Hang in there everyone....it may be touchy now, but if your marriage is strong enough, it'll last through anything the ol'devil can throw at it!
Insecurities can pop up. my wife has incesurities about me going to nusring school, and is insecure about the women to men ratio of nusring in the nursing profession. I am going to try like heck to do what ever it takes to curb her insecurities. I know going through school will be tough in its own right, I dont want other issues cropping up to make things harder than they will already be.
dphrn
190 Posts
My husband would get comments at times from the other guys at work. They were truly just messing around with him though. His come back was that he couldn't wait for the paychecks to start coming in. He would just act proud that I was going to school and we would have some extra money coming in. He would tease the guys right back about the things we will be able to afford now that we will have two incomes. That usually would quiet them down.
I really don't like this word, but could jealousy be a factor for the people teasing him? I also don't think people leave after school beacause they now have a half way decent job, they leave because the marriage is not a good marriage. I am sure some women leave because they have wanted to and now have an income, but the ultimate reason is the marriage is not a happy one.