My DH told me that he is being teased by people where he works, because he is putting me through school!! They have told him that I will LEAVE after I graduate! :angryfire [We have been married for 18 yrs.]
He is 50y/o and KNOWS that I will NOT leave him, but gets upset hearing these jerks say the same thing over and over. I got to hear a comment from one of them the other day. My DH had been on vaction the week after Christmas, and went in to check his schedule. He forgot whether he was supposed to go in at 11pm or 1am, so I called for him, while he was sleeping.
The jerk who took the call told me first the my DH must be getting Alzheimer's because he forgot, then he told me that I needed to trade my DH in for a newer model!! :angryfire He proceeded to say that they were taking bets to see how long I kept him after I graduate!!!
Of course I denied everything, but I was really shocked and extremely hurt, to think that my DH, who works anywhere from 40 to 80 hrs. a week in hard physical labor, so I can get through shcool, has to put up with this crap!!!
Anyone else getting this kinda stuff happening to them? If so, how doyou deal with it?
Hmmmm...strange that I stumbled across this thread while looking for another one. Once I started reading it, I couldn't stop because I dealt with issues like this during my first marriage. That spouse thought I'd leave him for a doctor once becoming a nurse. I didn't know he had these insecurities until we were actually going through the divorce. His ego (a major one I might add) was wounded because I was going to be college educated like him, with a career like him, and therefore having more choices as an adult like him. How sad for that man because I loved him more than life itself, and would have stayed his devoted wife until my dying day. All because of his insecurites and jealousies, he...not I was the one who flew the nest for something that would still give him the satisfaction of being "on top". Their marriage all these years has been a violent one with another child involved in the entire mess. Again...sad.
I hope your husband is able to overcome his insecurities and realize your love for him is eternal. My first husband did NOT. So he left me because he couldn't handle something that did not even exist within me to do.
My husband now is a nurse. We are cool together. He supports me in whatever I want to do. He always has. But, I did not need to know another man outside of my first love, my first marriage, the father of my children.........it was all because of the things you are hearing from your husband, and the men he works with that our 18 year marriage went down the tubes. We all lost in that breakup. But in the end, I gained a man that truly embraced all that I was, all that I am, and all that I hope to become. I won in the long run. And today, my children and grandchildren are the benefits of that love between my second husband and I.
Just keep on being who you are, loving that man of yours truly, and if he is that insecure and allows his insecurities to destroy what you have together........it will be a great loss to him.
He should ignore the jerks. Like the previous poster said that jerks like this respond when they get a 'rise' out of your husband. I was teased mercilessly in school because I'm tall (5-11) and was this height in 6th grade already! The best advice my dad gave me was to ignore them...although it's hard for a kid to understand, your hubby should be able to do this. The more they get a rise or response from your hubby the more they'll continue to do it. When they get tired of their little game from not getting a response, they'll stop.
your husband needs to tell those no-goods that he will be the one laughing when you two are vacationing 2-3 times/yr on your new nurse's salary - while they are all hard at work....
Specializes in Geriatrics, Pediatrics, Home Health.
qUICK POST---UP TO MY 5' eyes in drug cards, studying for a test on Tuesday and doing a major care plan due on Wed.
My husband is very secure in the knowledge that he is loved. He told the jerks that when I graduate he will become a kept man. He said the look on their faces was priceless. According to him, they were green with envy. Of course, they can't stand the fact that we are HAPPY and they think they must tell him about their horror stories. Sorta like when a lady is preggers. EVERYBODY tells her how hard labor and D is.
My DH told me that he is being teased by people where he works, because he is putting me through school!! They have told him that I will LEAVE after I graduate! :angryfire [We have been married for 18 yrs.]
He is 50y/o and KNOWS that I will NOT leave him, but gets upset hearing these jerks say the same thing over and over. I got to hear a comment from one of them the other day. My DH had been on vaction the week after Christmas, and went in to check his schedule. He forgot whether he was supposed to go in at 11pm or 1am, so I called for him, while he was sleeping.
The jerk who took the call told me first the my DH must be getting Alzheimer's because he forgot, then he told me that I needed to trade my DH in for a newer model!! :angryfire He proceeded to say that they were taking bets to see how long I kept him after I graduate!!!
Of course I denied everything, but I was really shocked and extremely hurt, to think that my DH, who works anywhere from 40 to 80 hrs. a week in hard physical labor, so I can get through shcool, has to put up with this crap!!!
Anyone else getting this kinda stuff happening to them? If so, how doyou deal with it?
Thanks!!
My suggestion: get a sense of humor!
This is very ordinary, typical, male-type humor that guys do only with people they like. People who take it seriously or "personally" are either humor-impaired OR (and much more likely) the jokes are touching on an area about which they feel very uncertain and afraid. When this happens, it is a clue for such people to deal with their own uncertainty and fear, rather than trying to "shoot the messenger." The person who took your phone call was doing you a favor by inviting you into this joke, and your taking offense simply showed that you, as well as your husband, had some "issues" in this area.
When, and if, your husband gets "on top of" his uncertainty and fear, he'll easily be able to respond to any future ribbing with a humorous and casual remark that similarly puts the ribber on the other side of the joke (the butt of it), and this tiresome subject will stop--to be replaced by the new one. It is rather like the dynamics many sports, not surprisingly. But until he has dealt with his apprehension to some degree, and has some comfort with this aspect of your relationship, he will not be able to do so.
Think of it as a masculine way of telling someone something where a woman might "sit down and talk" with them about it. The man's way is much more face-saving for all concerned, and not nearly so personally intrusive.
It is up to you and your husband whether you choose to deal with this uncertainty and fear you apparently share, or whether to continue to imagine that "the problem" lies with his co-workers.
Listen to the program "Car Talk" sometime on public radio, or read their weekly newspaper column "Click and Clack Talk Cars," or check out their web site at http://www.cartalk.cars.com if you want to educate yourself further on this topic.
Give your hubby a big hug, reassure him how much you love him, then remind him 50% of marriages end in divorce and his coworkers are the unlucky (and bitter) 50%...YOU will not be.
He just needs a little reassurance from his sweetie.
He said the look on their faces was priceless. According to him, they were green with envy. Of course, they can't stand the fact that we are HAPPY and they think they must tell him about their horror stories. Sorta like when a lady is preggers. EVERYBODY tells her how hard labor and D is. 
live4today, RN
5,099 Posts
Hmmmm...strange that I stumbled across this thread while looking for another one.
Once I started reading it, I couldn't stop because I dealt with issues like this during my first marriage. That spouse thought I'd leave him for a doctor once becoming a nurse. I didn't know he had these insecurities until we were actually going through the divorce. His ego (a major one I might add) was wounded because I was going to be college educated like him, with a career like him, and therefore having more choices as an adult like him. How sad for that man because I loved him more than life itself, and would have stayed his devoted wife until my dying day. All because of his insecurites and jealousies, he...not I was the one who flew the nest for something that would still give him the satisfaction of being "on top". Their marriage all these years has been a violent one with another child involved in the entire mess. Again...sad.
I hope your husband is able to overcome his insecurities and realize your love for him is eternal. My first husband did NOT. So he left me because he couldn't handle something that did not even exist within me to do.
My husband now is a nurse. We are cool together. He supports me in whatever I want to do. He always has. But, I did not need to know another man outside of my first love, my first marriage, the father of my children.........it was all because of the things you are hearing from your husband, and the men he works with that our 18 year marriage went down the tubes. We all lost in that breakup. But in the end, I gained a man that truly embraced all that I was, all that I am, and all that I hope to become. I won in the long run. And today, my children and grandchildren are the benefits of that love between my second husband and I.
Just keep on being who you are, loving that man of yours truly, and if he is that insecure and allows his insecurities to destroy what you have together........it will be a great loss to him.