I'm in my psych rotation right now and there is a male classmate that is making me (female) feel increasingly uncomfortable. I had been getting strange vibes from him ever since 1st semester, but had nothing concrete to back up my vibes till yesterday.
We were in a meeting with the activities director for the facility we are at to discuss what to expect when going out in the community with the clients. The activities director mentioned there are some clients who like to strip their clothes off and run around naked. Upon hearing this, my classmate (male) pointed to me and said in a monotone voice, "yeah, she likes to do that too." I didn't find this funny and thought what he said was bizarre since I have barely interacted with this person. I felt very uncomfortable the rest of the day having to be around him, but really didn't start to think about how strange it was till the activities director came up to me and another student (female) and said something seems "off" with my classmate (male) because of some of the things he's overheard him say throughout the day including what he said in the meeting that morning.
What do you think of this? Do you think I should tell an instructor about it? I'm thinking I might want to for future clinicals because I feel like if I get stuck in a clinical group with him again, it's going to have a negative affect on me.
Sorry, this is not flirting - it's plain creepy!! As a woman, you need to trust your "gut instincts". If you feel there is a problem - there probably is. It is not 1910, it's 2010 and you DO NOT HAVE TO WEAR THIS! I would report it immediately. If you don't want to do that yet, wait until he says something to you again in a group setting and say in a loud voice - WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME? He will then be embarrassed in front of the whole group! Seriously, you cannot let this go if for no other reason that he will be with patients and I'd hate to think what he will say or DO to them.
This is true. I am sensitive to stuff like this due to past events and I don't really want to have to deal with something like this any further when school is hard enough as it is.
His joke seems pretty harmless. Who knows what else the guy said, but it sounds like he just needs a lesson in professionalism.
Most professional instutions' sexual harrassment policies list step 1 as confronting the person and telling them to stop/advances not appreciated nor invited, etc. You could have killed 2 birds with one stone by telling him you didn't like his joke and that the instructors have him on their radar so he better watch it.
Handling interpersonal issues on your own is a great professional skill to develop. It exhibits leadership and self confidence (while enhancing both) and the chain of command appreciates that initiative. Unless you feel directly threatened, I think almost all co-worker grievances should at least start between the two parties.
Like racism, sexual harrassment is a scarlet letter that is very hard to remove. An ill-timed or off-color joke is all it takes to get railroaded when a simple heads up would fix the issue 9 times out of 10.
One thing just to mention, something that can be a potential warning sign for a larger issue should never be ignored or kept to ones self. Yes it may have been just one incident that may in itself be nothing, but if he had one incident with almost every person in your class and everyone kept things to themselfs and no one said anything because of it only being one incident, it may allow something to go on that could have been preventable.
Not saying he is or isn't someone that could be dangerous to you, someone else(classmate or patient), or himself, but how many incidents are there that happen (even just think of school/college shootings) where everyone turns around and wonders "how could this have been prevented?" and then people look and there were little signs, but no one put the pieces together and got the whole picture before the event that the person had issues, but after the fact, all the pieces come to light had been there if anyone had just taken notice.
You don't have to be trying to get him in trouble for the one incident but you DEFINITLY should be making sure that someone that is above you is aware of what happened....that way if other incidents come to their attention they won't be looking at it as the first thing that happens, and will have pieces to put together to see if there is maybe a bigger issue that needs to be addressed.
Your reactions to this person are of something being 'off'...not of someone who's socially awkward or kind of a jerk. I too thought this had an eerie wring of familiarity to what I've read of the VT shooter (who 'invented' a girlfriend, not having much success with the real thing.) You did the right thing bringing it to the attention of your instructor.
Like racism, sexual harrassment is a scarlet letter that is very hard to remove. An ill-timed or off-color joke is all it takes to get railroaded when a simple heads up would fix the issue 9 times out of 10.
In my opinion, this is why it is a very good idea to refrain from these types of jokes in the workplace. There are so many hilarious things that happen in nursing that we could laugh plenty without needing to hurt others. Even "a litlle bit" of racist or sexist joking can be very hurtful to those being mocked. I have a close friend who nearly hurt himself in high school due to others' "humor." Life is so odd that it is easy to find hilarity that is NOT at someone's expense.
It would be inappropriate to say something like that in that setting no matter how well he knew you. I would advise you tell him in a very straightforward way, "That is not cool. Don't do it again."
If he has any sense at all, he will apologize and that will be the end of it. If he smarts off in any way, document what happened in writing to your instructor.
I think you should definitely spoken to an intstructor regarding how you feel and especially after the comment that was made. He must have a very wild imagnation if he think you run around the room nude. You don't want these gesture to escalate in anyway without someone being informed. Voice how you feel so that someone is aware of how you feel because you may not be the only person who feels this way. They may be able to pull him to the side and speak to him also. Be confident in knowing that how you feel is not right and someone needs to know about it.
he sounds very strange and creepy..totally inappropriate, try to stay far away from him...he set his sights on you for some reason, but i dont think this is normal flirty behavior...hes got a screw loose somewhere...
His joke seems pretty harmless. Who knows what else the guy said, but it sounds like he just needs a lesson in professionalism.
Most professional instutions' sexual harrassment policies list step 1 as confronting the person and telling them to stop/advances not appreciated nor invited, etc. You could have killed 2 birds with one stone by telling him you didn't like his joke and that the instructors have him on their radar so he better watch it.
Handling interpersonal issues on your own is a great professional skill to develop. It exhibits leadership and self confidence (while enhancing both) and the chain of command appreciates that initiative. Unless you feel directly threatened, I think almost all co-worker grievances should at least start between the two parties.
Like racism, sexual harrassment is a scarlet letter that is very hard to remove. An ill-timed or off-color joke is all it takes to get railroaded when a simple heads up would fix the issue 9 times out of 10.
This is great advice for regular employees, but students operate under a different dynamic. They represent their school, and their actions stand to affect many. In this situation, as soon as the OP realized that a staff member had become aware that something was going on, she did the right thing by notifying her instructor. The instructors I know would not want to find out about a problem later (possibly from staff members) and discover that they have been kept out of the loop when they might have been able to step in and prevent further difficulties.
Students need to act as professionally as possible, but they are not yet full-fledged professional entities. The clinical instructor has the responsibility to bridge whatever gaps exist and deal with any clinical-related impediments to her students' development. In this case, she can protect the OP from further discomfort AND protect the young man from his own foolishness by setting healthy limits and stressing the need to conduct himself in a professional manner.
For some, this is a necessary part of maturing into a trustworthy and capable adult.
I'd call him on the carpet on this one. If he's man enough...1) he will apologize 2) Hopefully he learns form it 3) He never lets it happen again. Trust me. I know. I crossed the line and Once Is All It Took. What I thought wasn't what she thought. I didn't know the reasons until afterward. Im real lucky I didn't get brought up on charges. What a guy thinks is funny or a complement can be taken the wrong way. Such sounds like your situation. For Sure Let Somebody Know. Maybe Print This. You can "just" give it to him without saying anything or take it more seriously. Good Luck.
Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.
The behavior of the OP's classmate was not flirting, joking or harmless. The OP made no mention of claiming sexual harrassment or even complained about unprofessional behavior. If the Activity Director hadn't mentioned his concerns she probably would have let it go again. I guess you either know what it's like to "get strange vibes" from someone or you don't. But if you don't, don't brush off the concerns of both the OP and the MALE activity director who worked in a psych facility and mentioned to aqua and her friend that he had overheard this student say other inappropriate things throughout the day in addition to the odd monotone remark that "she likes to do that" about the OP stripping off her clothes and running around naked!
I think it would be a huge mistake for her to have a private talk with this person. I give kudos to the Activity Director for bringing it up to her. As Miranda stated, a student is in a vulnerable position and many times highly reluctant to make waves at all.
The behavior of the OP's classmate was not flirting, joking or harmless. The OP made no mention of claiming sexual harrassment or even complained about unprofessional behavior. If the Activity Director hadn't mentioned his concerns she probably would have let it go again. I guess you either know what it's like to "get strange vibes" from someone or you don't. But if you don't, don't brush off the concerns of both the OP and the MALE activity director who worked in a psych facility and mentioned to aqua and her friend that he had overheard this student say other inappropriate things throughout the day in addition to the odd monotone remark that "she likes to do that" about the OP stripping off her clothes and running around naked!
I think it would be a huge mistake for her to have a private talk with this person. I give kudos to the Activity Director for bringing it up to her. As Miranda stated, a student is in a vulnerable position and many times highly reluctant to make waves at all.
I too don't think she should have a private talk with someone giving her an 'off' vibe. This may not be someone you want to risk making feel 'rejected' and/or 'humiliated'.
jasmin333
2 Posts
Sorry, this is not flirting - it's plain creepy!!
As a woman, you need to trust your "gut instincts". If you feel there is a problem - there probably is. It is not 1910, it's 2010 and you DO NOT HAVE TO WEAR THIS! I would report it immediately. If you don't want to do that yet, wait until he says something to you again in a group setting and say in a loud voice - WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME? He will then be embarrassed in front of the whole group! Seriously, you cannot let this go if for no other reason that he will be with patients and I'd hate to think what he will say or DO to them.
Best wishes and good luck!