Clarification. :) My Manager is Gossiping about me. What do I do?

Nurses Relations

Published

I am sorry by previous post was not very clear.

I am going to be speaking in first person to keep it simple.

Last night I was with one of my colleagues who was instructed by a "nursing supervisor" to train me on some new documentation. I will refer to myself , the trainer and my supervisor in that order.

we were finishing the documentation training, yes was cumbersome and very boring. The trainer said to me "You aren't at all like how the supervisor said you were". I looked the trainer in the eye and asked her directly exactly WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? The trainer admits she let it slip and didn't mean anything by it, I told the trainer I have been told things about me point blank by the supervisor that was "bizarre and unprofessional" regarding my personality, never anything bad about my work performance, just that I am over the top bubbly, and need to tone it down. ( never ever been told that ever by anyone in all my years. )

THe trainer broke down and said, "She said to watch out for you, that you are a dominant person and not to let you take over the situation".

I informed the trainer this isn NOT the first time this has been mentioned to me. My skill set is not in question, but the fact I am confident in my work appears to be an issue for our supervisor.

I am furious. I have multiple incidents that have been brought to my supervisor, and her administrator. I was told "work it out on your own by the administrator". My supervisor is demeaning, and often says "I don't have time to talk to you." when I have called her for information on how this company likes to have things done.......

Out of frustration, I feel like I am being harassed. What do I do. Document, and look at stress leave? Suing for harassment? Leave the freaking place?

Thank you for your advice in advanceI am being a bit sarcastic, but I am feeling singled out and harassed only because the supervisor doesn't like me. Pitty is, she didn't interview me, had she, I wouldn't be there.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in FNP.

Ok, I get it now. I guess it is your business after all, lol.

If you have addressed it and it hasn't improved, then it isn't likely to, which is a shame.

I don't see why you would need a stress leave, that seems silly and I don't think you have anything near approaching grounds for a harassment suit, but you could always consult an attorney and get professional advice.

It comes down to a personality clash. I'd brush up my resume and start looking for a position that is a better fit.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Emergency & Trauma/Adult ICU.

So this is about you ... surprise, surprise.

So the bottom line is ... this administrator/supervisor doesn't like you, and is not shy about saying so to other coworkers. And in the other thread, you asked if this warrants a call to an attorney.

Really?

What would an attorney do - take some legal action where all of you are forced to stand in a circle holding hands and singing Kumbayah?

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Harassment is against the law. She has no reason to speak poorly of me due to my work performance.. and had not bearing to comment on complaints from family. There are none. Nothing is documented, yet I had a call telling me my personality is over the top and this is... AN ISSUE FOR THE SUPERVISOR.. nobody else. NOT one complaint, no issues with performance and no written reprimands only verbal about "being dominant, over the top and well.... my favorite, you talk to much about yourself.." all based on hearsay from staff. This supervisor has never done a visit or joined me for part of my shift. Has never seen me work, yet seems to have alot to say about me.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
THe trainer broke down and said, "She said to watch out for you, that you are a dominant person and not to let you take over the situation".

I informed the trainer this isn NOT the first time this has been mentioned to me. My skill set is not in question, but the fact I am confident in my work appears to be an issue for our supervisor.

Is or isn't?

I would say, whatever the issue, figure out a way to work it out or to just stop worrying about it. You're going to have personality conflicts wherever you go, nothing to do with you or anyone else, just the way life goes when you are forced to spend 40 hours a week with a group of other people.

If you continue to persist in making a big deal about this, well, then you've kind of proved that your supervisor is right.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Cardiac, PCU, Surg/Onc, LTC, Peds.

Unless you have something in writing, which I highly doubt you'd be able to get from your informant, it's all hearsay. Speak directly to your supervisor. If it doesn't resolve, look for another job. I agree what will an attorney do for you besides take your money?

Up Vote Up Vote ×

There are atty's who take on harassement cases with documentation, witnesses and logs of phone interactions, text messages are also considered proof.

This is an arena that is just way over the top for me. I have succumbed to the fact I need to leave. Its not a healthy environment for me and frankly, I dislike my manager as much as she hates me.

I just dont' go around chatting about it to colleagues. But that may be changing as I exit.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Oncology/Haemetology/HIV.

I will clarify what I posted before.

You have heard something said secondhand about you. You go to HR, who has already directed you to try and settle it as adults, instead like a couple of bad soap opera actresses or teen girls in a high school clique. She continues to be childish. You, instead of rising above it, get upset.

You can report it to HR, who will nod their head and think behind your back, "good lord, don't we hire adults that outgrew this tattle and catfight behavior." You can report it to a lawyer, who if he is a shyster, will get money and laugh at the case. Or you can rise above it, deal, prove that you are not the bad apple by disproving what she says by your actions. And you look good and she looks like used kitty litter.

I do not think that bubbly, over the top, dominant and taking over a situation, are classed as harassment. But.......if you hit a lawyer's office in regarding to bring charges of being described as such......you pretty much have proven,the over the top and taking over the situation, not to mention the trying to dominate.

And you will hurt yourself (and the leaker) at work, and if a lawsuit went through, you would probably never find another job at workplace that expects employees to behave like adults, even if they have coworkers that don't. You win a few thousand dollars (minus lawyer fees) to ever find another nursing job or having extreme difficulty doing so.

That's a big price for being "right".

Up Vote Up Vote ×

My advice: Be the bigger person. If you feel you cannot work there, then find another place and leave with your head held high. Don't prove her right by making a big scene. You can handle this in a professional manner and still let her know that you do not appreciate all the gossiping you've been hearing. If you do talk to her, keep any anger out of it. Keep your voice calm and don't raise voices. It may be very difficult, but if you do decide to leave this place, it would be better to do so without completely burning any bridges.

Give yourself a few days to think things over. It hurts when you hear thins being said about you behind your back; when you feel people have no idea who you really are. It is much better to deal with these things when the anger has subsided some.

And lawyers? Really? Why on earth wound anyone want to go through all that trouble and drama? What will you gain except smug satisfaction over potentially ruining someone, whether they deserve it or not? You will become the person you hate.

My :twocents:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Pediatrics.

I do not think that bubbly, over the top, dominant and taking over a situation, are classed as harassment. But.......if you hit a lawyer's office in regarding to bring charges of being described as such......you pretty much have proven,the over the top and taking over the situation, not to mention the trying to dominate.

And you will hurt yourself (and the leaker) at work, and if a lawsuit went through, you would probably never find another job at workplace that expects employees to behave like adults, even if they have coworkers that don't. You win a few thousand dollars (minus lawyer fees) to ever find another nursing job or having extreme difficulty doing so.".

What she said.

Managers are human beings. And human beings don't have to like everyone they work with. They just have to tolerate them. If she felt you were such a problem, she would have approached you already. When I opened this thread, I was expecting to see that she was divulging personal information about you (either finances, family/relationship or medical issues). Her expressing am opinion about your personality is not grounds for a lawsuit, IMO.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Made an appointment with her manager. They are Very concerned about the gossip flying around.. and they are well aware fellow staff members have heard it. We will see how this transitions out.

Why is my personality an issue that keeps coming to the surface? You'd think this manager would be more concerned about my level of performance as an RN, and not my confidence about what I know.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Please, check out these links:

http://www.kickbully.com/index.html

http://www.workplacebullying.org/

This isn't just a case of "mean girls" who have to learn to work things out like adults when, a) the other person clearly holds most of the cards, and, b) she is talking to others about you and poisoning the well, so to speak.

One of the mistaken ideas about workplace bullying is that the most frequent targets are the timid and weak. Often, it's the confident and capable whose success and strong presence threaten the superior. When personal attributes are what is being cited (your bubbly, out-going personality, for instance), that's a clue. The fact that your supervisor told another person--a trainer, for pete's sake!--to watch out for your dominant personality and to not let you take over the situation tells you how she views you. It's not your abilities as a nurse, it's the fact that she feels threatened by you.

It's the gross unfairness of the lop-sided playing field that makes this a possible bullying situation. She has power over you and is using it wrongly because you make her feel uncomfortable.

Please, take a look at the above sites. They'll help you determine what your options are. If nothing else, they'll help prepare you for your meeting with your manager's manager.

More and more HR departments are taking this stuff seriously. People shouldn't have to feel sick or quit their jobs because of twisted authority figures.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment