Clarification. :) My Manager is Gossiping about me. What do I do?

SoCalRN1970 · Oct 8, 2011

Please, check out these links:
http://www.kickbully.com/index.html
http://www.workplacebullying.org/
This isn't just a case of "mean girls" who have to learn to work things out like adults when, a) the other person clearly holds most of the cards, and, b) she is talking to others about you and poisoning the well, so to speak.
One of the mistaken ideas about workplace bullying is that the most frequent targets are the timid and weak. Often, it's the confident and capable whose success and strong presence threaten the superior. When personal attributes are what is being cited (your bubbly, out-going personality, for instance), that's a clue. The fact that your supervisor told another person--a trainer, for pete's sake!--to watch out for your dominant personality and to not let you take over the situation tells you how she views you. It's not your abilities as a nurse, it's the fact that she feels threatened by you.
It's the gross unfairness of the lop-sided playing field that makes this a possible bullying situation. She has power over you and is using it wrongly because you make her feel uncomfortable.
Please, take a look at the above sites. They'll help you determine what your options are. If nothing else, they'll help prepare you for your meeting with your manager's manager.
More and more HR departments are taking this stuff seriously. People shouldn't have to feel sick or quit their jobs because of twisted authority figures.

Thank you thank you thank you. It seems like the majority of responses seemed to think I was the one with the issue! Why do nurses feel that we are meek and need to just stay that way? I have been stepped on too many times to let this just fly by why I go home with another migraine over the situation.

Hate to be blunt. but where is it written in our job description that we must lube it and take it? Nonsense. Utter nonsense. Our field is cut throat as it is. To let some bully manager speak nonsense and get away with it is BS. This manager can't say. Noey's documentation is lacking, Noey's assesment skills are sup par, Noey's patients complain about her all the time. NO she can't instead she speaks poorly of me about my personality and confidence with dealing within my specialty. Does she know what I know? no, her skill set is questionable, her ability to train, lacking. BEEN THERE 2 MONTHS... SHE HAS NEVER DONE A SUPERVISORY VISITY WITH ME. Never witnessed me with a patient or watched me doing my assessments, plans of care instruction etc. Not one, but hell? She knows how I roll enough to warn staff about me?? Come on.

DixieRedHead, ASN, RN · Oct 8, 2011

A lawyer, really? Have you been reprimanded? Has any threat to your employment been communicated? In a court of law, you will have to show some sort of loss. Yes, it's an unfortunate set of circumstances, but if a lawyer is your only recourse, you are going to have a rough ride, and in the end you will lose your job; especially if you work in an "at will" state.

Better mind your p's and q's and move on. Doesn't seem like a good fit, either for you or the faciity.

caroladybelle, BSN, RN · Oct 8, 2011

Dealing with someone who gossips about you is not the same as "lubing it up and taking".

And being "meek" is a far cry from acting like an adult and not getting in a snit fight over a few words that as presented as you have cannot be proven as harassment.

Though referring to others that offer measured advice to you in such derogatory terms......maybe someone should contact a lawyer and see if a lawsuit is possible. After all, the terms are at least as or more offensive than "bubbly" and "dominating".

Also, by your over the top response, you are "proving" exactly what your manager has said about you.

You don't like the majority of the responses..... That is understandable. But one has to wonder why it was posted (especially twice) if one is going to totally disregard any opinions that disagree with yours.

If she has indeed not spent time with you, perhaps the rep is from what others have said about you. Otherwise, where does that impression come from

Like it or not, you can have rockstar skills, but others have difficulty with you, it will affect your job.

morte, LPN, LVN · Oct 8, 2011

Dealing with someone who gossips about you is not the same as "lubing it up and taking".
And being "meek" is a far cry from acting like an adult and not getting in a snit fight over a few words that as presented as you have cannot be proven as harassment.
Though referring to others that offer measured advice to you in such derogatory terms......maybe someone should contact a lawyer and see if a lawsuit is possible. After all, the terms are at least as or more offensive than "bubbly" and "dominating".
Also, by your over the top response, you are "proving" exactly what your manager has said about you.
You don't like the majority of the responses..... That is understandable. But one has to wonder why it was posted (especially twice) if one is going to totally disregard any opinions that disagree with yours.
If she has indeed not spent time with you, perhaps the rep is from what others have said about you. Otherwise, where does that impression come from
Like it or not, you can have rockstar skills, but others have difficulty with you, it will affect your job.

belle, please refer to miranda's post a few up from yours, thanks

SoCalRN1970 · Oct 8, 2011

Never mind.. got the advice I need. Had a telephone call from the bosses boss The majority of this thread proves and continues to prove.. that nurse eat nurses. Its a freaking hostile field. I perform top, no short comings on my work, patients like me. Guess what all? The administrator "also has concerns regarding my immediate superior"

My upper management supports me for one reason. We worked together at another agency, we have a past working relationship, and yes, she can see the trouble maker. Lets see where this goes eh? Sorry to be sarcastic, but some of you are just so ready to toss me also under the bus. Its aweful. good day.

Jolie, BSN · Oct 8, 2011

Definition of Workplace Harassment and Criteria for "Hostile Work Environment"

http://www.fcc.gov/encyclopedia/understanding-workplace-harassment-fcc-staff

Understanding Workplace Harassment (FCC Staff)

Workplace Harassment is a Form of Discrimination

Unwelcome verbal or physical conduct based on race, color, religion, sex (whether or not of a sexual nature and including same-gender harassment and gender identity harassment), national origin, age (40 and over), disability (mental or physical), sexual orientation, or retaliation (sometimes collectively referred to as “legally protected characteristics”) constitutes harassment when:

1.The conduct is sufficiently severe or pervasive to create a hostile work environment; or

2.A supervisor’s harassing conduct results in a tangible change in an employee’s employment status or benefits (for example, demotion, termination, failure to promote, etc.).

Hostile work environment harassment occurs when unwelcome comments or conduct based on sex, race or other legally protected characteristics unreasonably interferes with an employee’s work performance or creates an intimidating, hostile or offensive work environment. Anyone in the workplace might commit this type of harassment – a management official, co-worker, or non-employee, such as a contractor, vendor or guest. The victim can be anyone affected by the conduct, not just the individual at whom the offensive conduct is directed.

Examples of actions that may create sexual hostile environment harassment include:

•Leering, i.e., staring in a sexually suggestive manner

•Making offensive remarks about looks, clothing, body parts

•Touching in a way that may make an employee feel uncomfortable, such as patting, pinching or intentional brushing against another’s body

•Telling sexual or lewd jokes, hanging sexual posters, making sexual gestures, etc.

•Sending, forwarding or soliciting sexually suggestive letters, notes, emails, or images

Other actions which may result in hostile environment harassment, but are non-sexual in nature, include:

•Use of racially derogatory words, phrases, epithets

•Demonstrations of a racial or ethnic nature such as a use of gestures, pictures or drawings which would offend a particular racial or ethnic group

•Comments about an individual’s skin color or other racial/ethnic characteristics

•Making disparaging remarks about an individual’s gender that are not sexual in nature

•Negative comments about an employee’s religious beliefs (or lack of religious beliefs)

•Expressing negative stereotypes regarding an employee’s birthplace or ancestry

•Negative comments regarding an employee’s age when referring to employees 40 and over

•Derogatory or intimidating references to an employee’s mental or physical impairment

Other actions which may result in hostile environment harassment, but are non-sexual in nature, include:

•Use of racially derogatory words, phrases, epithets

•Demonstrations of a racial or ethnic nature such as a use of gestures, pictures or drawings which would offend a particular racial or ethnic group

•Comments about an individual’s skin color or other racial/ethnic characteristics

•Making disparaging remarks about an individual’s gender that are not sexual in nature

•Negative comments about an employee’s religious beliefs (or lack of religious beliefs)

•Expressing negative stereotypes regarding an employee’s birthplace or ancestry

•Negative comments regarding an employee’s age when referring to employees 40 and over

•Derogatory or intimidating references to an employee’s mental or physical impairment

A claim of harassment generally requires several elements, including:

1.The complaining party must be a member of a statutorily protected class;

2.S/he was subjected to unwelcome verbal or physical conduct related to his or her membership in that protected class;

3.The unwelcome conduct complained of was based on his or her membership in that protected class;

4.The unwelcome conduct affected a term or condition of employment and/or had the purpose or effect of unreasonably interfering with his or her work performance and/or creating an intimidating, hostile or offensive work environment.

What is Not Harassment?

The anti-discrimination statutes are not a general civility code. Thus, federal law does not prohibit simple teasing, offhand comments, or isolated incidents that are not extremely serious. Rather, the conduct must be so objectively offensive as to alter the conditions of the individual’s employment. The conditions of employment are altered only if the harassment culminates in a tangible employment action or is sufficiently severe or pervasive to create a hostile work environment.

I just don't see how this supervisor's actions (if true) meet the definition of workplace harassment. Certainly not professional behavior, but not a federal offense, either.

morte, LPN, LVN · Oct 8, 2011

Definition of Workplace Harassment and Criteria for "Hostile Work Environment"
http://www.fcc.gov/encyclopedia/understanding-workplace-harassment-fcc-staff
Understanding Workplace Harassment (FCC Staff)
Workplace Harassment is a Form of Discrimination
Unwelcome verbal or physical conduct based on race, color, religion, sex (whether or not of a sexual nature and including same-gender harassment and gender identity harassment), national origin, age (40 and over), disability (mental or physical), sexual orientation, or retaliation (sometimes collectively referred to as "legally protected characteristics") constitutes harassment when:
1.The conduct is sufficiently severe or pervasive to create a hostile work environment; or
2.A supervisor's harassing conduct results in a tangible change in an employee's employment status or benefits (for example, demotion, termination, failure to promote, etc.).
Hostile work environment harassment occurs when unwelcome comments or conduct based on sex, race or other legally protected characteristics unreasonably interferes with an employee's work performance or creates an intimidating, hostile or offensive work environment. Anyone in the workplace might commit this type of harassment - a management official, co-worker, or non-employee, such as a contractor, vendor or guest. The victim can be anyone affected by the conduct, not just the individual at whom the offensive conduct is directed.
Examples of actions that may create sexual hostile environment harassment include:
*Leering, i.e., staring in a sexually suggestive manner
*Making offensive remarks about looks, clothing, body parts
*Touching in a way that may make an employee feel uncomfortable, such as patting, pinching or intentional brushing against another's body
*Telling sexual or lewd jokes, hanging sexual posters, making sexual gestures, etc.
*Sending, forwarding or soliciting sexually suggestive letters, notes, emails, or images
Other actions which may result in hostile environment harassment, but are non-sexual in nature, include:
*Use of racially derogatory words, phrases, epithets
*Demonstrations of a racial or ethnic nature such as a use of gestures, pictures or drawings which would offend a particular racial or ethnic group
*Comments about an individual's skin color or other racial/ethnic characteristics
*Making disparaging remarks about an individual's gender that are not sexual in nature
*Negative comments about an employee's religious beliefs (or lack of religious beliefs)
*Expressing negative stereotypes regarding an employee's birthplace or ancestry
*Negative comments regarding an employee's age when referring to employees 40 and over
*Derogatory or intimidating references to an employee's mental or physical impairment
Other actions which may result in hostile environment harassment, but are non-sexual in nature, include:
*Use of racially derogatory words, phrases, epithets
*Demonstrations of a racial or ethnic nature such as a use of gestures, pictures or drawings which would offend a particular racial or ethnic group
*Comments about an individual's skin color or other racial/ethnic characteristics
*Making disparaging remarks about an individual's gender that are not sexual in nature
*Negative comments about an employee's religious beliefs (or lack of religious beliefs)
*Expressing negative stereotypes regarding an employee's birthplace or ancestry
*Negative comments regarding an employee's age when referring to employees 40 and over
*Derogatory or intimidating references to an employee's mental or physical impairment
A claim of harassment generally requires several elements, including:
1.The complaining party must be a member of a statutorily protected class;
2.S/he was subjected to unwelcome verbal or physical conduct related to his or her membership in that protected class;
3.The unwelcome conduct complained of was based on his or her membership in that protected class;
4.The unwelcome conduct affected a term or condition of employment and/or had the purpose or effect of unreasonably interfering with his or her work performance and/or creating an intimidating, hostile or offensive work environment.
What is Not Harassment?
The anti-discrimination statutes are not a general civility code. Thus, federal law does not prohibit simple teasing, offhand comments, or isolated incidents that are not extremely serious. Rather, the conduct must be so objectively offensive as to alter the conditions of the individual's employment. The conditions of employment are altered only if the harassment culminates in a tangible employment action or is sufficiently severe or pervasive to create a hostile work environment.
I just don't see how this supervisor's actions (if true) meet the definition of workplace harassment. Certainly not professional behavior, but not a federal offense, either.

I refer you to miranda's post several up the page from yours.

SoCalRN1970 · Oct 8, 2011

BULLYING.?? IT certainly meets the criteria for bullying. see above post.

Also no more advice. I have had my fill of bashing LOL Have a great weekend all.

SoCalRN1970 · Oct 8, 2011

Thank you thank you thank you. It seems like the majority of responses seemed to think I was the one with the issue! Why do nurses feel that we are meek and need to just stay that way? I have been stepped on too many times to let this just fly by why I go home with another migraine over the situation.
Hate to be blunt. but where is it written in our job description that we must lube it and take it? Nonsense. Utter nonsense. Our field is cut throat as it is. To let some bully manager speak nonsense and get away with it is BS. This manager can't say. Noey's documentation is lacking, Noey's assesment skills are sup par, Noey's patients complain about her all the time. NO she can't instead she speaks poorly of me about my personality and confidence with dealing within my specialty. Does she know what I know? no, her skill set is questionable, her ability to train, lacking. BEEN THERE 2 MONTHS... SHE HAS NEVER DONE A SUPERVISORY VISITY WITH ME. Never witnessed me with a patient or watched me doing my assessments, plans of care instruction etc. Not one, but hell? She knows how I roll enough to warn staff about me?? Come on.

Its a form or bullying. I think it's going to be taken care of very very soon. Upper managment seems to completely understand. I also have 8 incidents documented with dates, times etc. Pretty bad for being there 8 weeks.

rn/writer, RN · Oct 8, 2011

I just don't see how this supervisor's actions (if true) meet the definition of workplace harassment. Certainly not professional behavior, but not a federal offense, either.

Workplace harassment requires that the employee be a member of a protected class. Workplace bullying is an equal opportunity offender and is especially insidious because it can be so subtle--to those who are not its targets.

To be sure, what the OP has shared may be a milder form of bullying compared to some I've seen and heard about, but it may well be headed down that path.

Bullies focus on things like the employee's personality (which has not previously been a problem and which they aren't likely to change) because their performance is just fine. Instead of speaking to the employee privately about a concrete matter--a patient complaint or a bona fide error, they make hazy remarks to other people and plant seeds of doubt and suspicion, usually unknown to the employee (unless, as in this case, someone tells her what is being said). She then goes about her business in the mormal way, not realizing that some of her fellows may now be giving her customary behavior a new and unwelcome interpretation.

The goal is not to discipline but to undermine.

As I said, this account is comparatively mild, but the complaints about a bubbly personality and a tendency to dominate along with telling someone else this information are the kinds of things insecure bosses do when there is no real evidence to go after someone who intimidates them.

morte, LPN, LVN · Oct 8, 2011

Workplace harassment requires that the employee be a member of a protected class. Workplace bullying is an equal opportunity offender and is especially insidious and because it can be so subtle--to those who are not its targets.
To be sure, what the OP has shared may be a milder form of bullying compared to some I've seen and heard about, but it may well be headed down that path.
Bullies focus on things like the employee's personality (which has not previously been a problem and which they aren't likely to change) because their performance is just fine. Instead of speaking to the employee privately about a concrete matter--a patient complaint or a bona fide error, they make hazy remarks to other people and plant seeds of doubt and suspicion, usually unknown to the employee (unless, as in this case, someone tells her what is being said). She then goes about her business in the mormal way, not realizing that some of her fellows may now be giving her customary behavior a new and unwelcome interpretation.
The goal is not to discipline but to undermine.
As I said, this account is comparatively mild, but the complaints about a bubbly personality and a tendency to dominate along with telling someone else this information are the kinds of things insecure bosses do when there is no real evidence to go after someone who intimidates them.

THANK YOU! yes,yes,yes.....the super is being classically passive aggressive. Hard to defend against, and yes, the target often LOOKS like the problem. BTDT. thank you miranda!

Jolie, BSN · Oct 8, 2011

I refer you to miranda's post several up the page from yours.

I'm not defending the supervisor's behavior. It (again, if true) is indeed unprofessional.

But I'm not understanding to what protected class the OP belongs, or how her job has been threatened by her supervisor, both of which are criteria of a workplace harassment claim.