I'm turning 30 this month and recently got married. I'm having maternal urges like I never have before in my life!
I know this isn't the right time for us though. My husband is in school and working FT and I'll be going back to school FT starting next fall to finish my masters (NP).
Problem is, I have to work for the government (who is funding my education) for 4 years FT after school. So, that puts me at roughly 37 or 38 y/o before I don't have any full time commitments. I'm just not sure when is the best time for us to have a baby. At first I was thinking this year, before I start back to school, but the thought of having an infant and FT school (FT work and PT school for my husband) sounds impossible.
Has anyone else had a similar experience? Where/how do you fit children into life as a working woman?
I'm turning 30 this month and recently got married. I'm having maternal urges like I never have before in my life!
I know this isn't the right time for us though. My husband is in school and working FT and I'll be going back to school FT starting next fall to finish my masters (NP).
Problem is, I have to work for the government (who is funding my education) for 4 years FT after school. So, that puts me at roughly 37 or 38 y/o before I don't have any full time commitments. I'm just not sure when is the best time for us to have a baby. At first I was thinking this year, before I start back to school, but the thought of having an infant and FT school (FT work and PT school for my husband) sounds impossible.
Has anyone else had a similar experience? Where/how do you fit children into life as a working woman?
No problem. Finish school first, and then have a child while working full-time. You will be able to take family leave for a few months while you're a full-time employee, especially since you'll be working for the government. Legally, there is nothing an employer can do about this. Finally, return to work full-time after family leave -- I place my child in daycare & work nights, 3 12-hr shifts a week. He goes to daycare 3 days per week so that I can sleep -- he loves it & is learning a lot from the other kids. As a nurse, I have lots of time during the week with him & am not missing a thing.
William...I'm glad you're not MY nurse. You obviously lack the true compassion for this line of work. MY children are very happy. MY children can express when they want more family time. Don't dare to speak for them or any other child for that matter.
Buried in a rather forceful, and to some, offensive, post, are some interesting points by William.
First off, if children do not have adults to speak for them, then they are going to be even more underrepresented than they already are. Adults speak for kids all the time on a variety of issues, and it's a legitimate thing to do. Whether or not we agree with the adult in question is another matter.
William may not be the most tactful of posters, but I think he does care deeply for children. He obviously does not care for children being put into day care, and in this opinion he is far from alone. The mass exodus of women from the home and into the workplace has created as many failures as successes, and there is no doubt that there are children who could have benefitted from their parents' presence in their lives. High quality child care is not easy to come by, and many kids are in less than optimal circumstances.
Look, the reality is that if you're putting your kiddo into day care 45-50 hours a week, it's going to have an effect on the child. Positive and negative. It's not an easy choice. And it can have major health ramifications, as one poster noted who had to wean quite early because her clinical rotations did not afford her the time to pump. Personally speaking, I would have found this unacceptable, and I would not have been willing to sacrifice my child's health in that way. (There's a real irony that a nursing student who is learning about promoting health is not given the time to provide the most optimal nutrition for her baby.)
Some women have to work, some women want to. Some of us stay home. And we all beat ourselves up over it to some degree or the other.
I do disagree with a poster who pointed out that even though her husband works and makes good money, she works to have an extra 40K around to provide her children with "everything". (Sorry I can't provide the exact quote.) Children, in my very humble opinion, do not need everything. They want us. I'm sure many a child would happily sacrifice a couple of Lego sets to simply have their mom present. Financial necessity and personal sanity (to a point), I understand as justifications for mothers with young children entering the workforce. Providing material possessions .... well, not so sure about that one.
The original poster should consider all of these points of view, including Williams, as strong as it is. And the point about infertility is a very valid one, and quite on target. Are you willing to wait that long, only to find out there are problems? Are you willing to wean early because your program or job might not have adequate pumping facilities? Are you willing to hand over a significant amount of your childrearing responsibilities to another person?
And let me add one other thought, which sucks, but which I must mention. My own child, at the age of 18 months, was struck by his day care provider and badly bruised. It was every parents' nightmare. Unless it's a family member (and heck, even then ...), no one loves and nurtures your child quite like you do, so make SURE you feel safe with that provider. My view point is not as rosy since living through that ordeal. The point is to seek very high quality child care, and to be willing to incur the major financial costs that usually go along with it. Good luck to you. It's a killer decision.
I had no idea there was a debate about daycare on this board. Anyway, just wanted to add that I work full-time & place my child in daycare about 18hrs a week, just to get some sleep (I work nights). He started attending daycare at age 5 months, and is now 10 months. He's a very happy kid, and enjoys arriving in daycare, has infant friends, gets lots of attention and love, and sleeps well at night after a day of play. We do pay a lot of money for this particular daycare, but it's excellent (ie. they make nutritious meals for the kids, they teach sign, it's very safe/clean, the environment is stimulating, the teachers are educated, and there is an emphasis on learning & enhancing self-esteem -- it's wonderful!).
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
I would really ask we stay AWAY from debating the "evils" and "virtues" of working parenthood.
This is not the point of the original topic. The original question involved going back to school, being an NP someday, and somehow making it all work as a parent. I think, for the most part, the OP received some realistic and well-intended advice about this undertaking.
Jayla, if you have more questions, please feel free to ask. I ask we stick to answering the questions asked, and not debate thedaycare issue , if possible. Thanks!
Buried in a rather forceful, and to some, offensive, post, are some interesting points by William.
First off, if children do not have adults to speak for them, then they are going to be even more underrepresented than they already are. Adults speak for kids all the time on a variety of issues, and it's a legitimate thing to do. Whether or not we agree with the adult in question is another matter.
William may not be the most tactful of posters, but I think he does care deeply for children. He obviously does not care for children being put into day care, and in this opinion he is far from alone. The mass exodus of women from the home and into the workplace has created as many failures as successes, and there is no doubt that there are children who could have benefitted from their parents' presence in their lives. High quality child care is not easy to come by, and many kids are in less than optimal circumstances.
Look, the reality is that if you're putting your kiddo into day care 45-50 hours a week, it's going to have an effect on the child. Positive and negative. It's not an easy choice. And it can have major health ramifications, as one poster noted who had to wean quite early because her clinical rotations did not afford her the time to pump. Personally speaking, I would have found this unacceptable, and I would not have been willing to sacrifice my child's health in that way. (There's a real irony that a nursing student who is learning about promoting health is not given the time to provide the most optimal nutrition for her baby.)
Some women have to work, some women want to. Some of us stay home. And we all beat ourselves up over it to some degree or the other.
I do disagree with a poster who pointed out that even though her husband works and makes good money, she works to have an extra 40K around to provide her children with "everything". (Sorry I can't provide the exact quote.) Children, in my very humble opinion, do not need everything. They want us. I'm sure many a child would happily sacrifice a couple of Lego sets to simply have their mom present. Financial necessity and personal sanity (to a point), I understand as justifications for mothers with young children entering the workforce. Providing material possessions .... well, not so sure about that one.
The original poster should consider all of these points of view, including Williams, as strong as it is. And the point about infertility is a very valid one, and quite on target. Are you willing to wait that long, only to find out there are problems? Are you willing to wean early because your program or job might not have adequate pumping facilities? Are you willing to hand over a significant amount of your childrearing responsibilities to another person?
And let me add one other thought, which sucks, but which I must mention. My own child, at the age of 18 months, was struck by his day care provider and badly bruised. It was every parents' nightmare. Unless it's a family member (and heck, even then ...), no one loves and nurtures your child quite like you do, so make SURE you feel safe with that provider. My view point is not as rosy since living through that ordeal. The point is to seek very high quality child care, and to be willing to incur the major financial costs that usually go along with it. Good luck to you. It's a killer decision.
Alison
Alison - I think you made some very good points about things for the OP to consider when deciding about when to have a child. This isn't a debate about daycare itself but about daycare as a part of the decision to return to work since the OP does have a contract to fulfill.
This is a "killer" decision. I've also had a bad experience with abuse at a home daycare facility.
I also have friends who are trying to have a baby - she is 36 and he is 48 (post-vasectomy reversal). Fertility is a big issue . . although I have to say sometimes I chuckle because I had a baby at 44. :)
The other issue is that making a decision before you look at that little newborn is sometimes unrealistic. I know I thought many many things before I had children that changed big time after I had children.
I also think there have been many thoughtful posts regarding the hard issues the OP is facing.
i do disagree with a poster who pointed out that even though her husband works and makes good money, she works to have an extra 40k around to provide her children with "everything". (sorry i can't provide the exact quote.) children, in my very humble opinion, do not need everything. they want us. i'm sure many a child would happily sacrifice a couple of lego sets to simply have their mom present. financial necessity and personal sanity (to a point), i understand as justifications for mothers with young children entering the workforce. providing material possessions .... well, not so sure about that one. quote
this stinks that there is even a debate about this subject. if this is a site for nurses, than really we all have to work right? to respond to this poster, i would like to clarify. i do not think children should be handed everything. but i grew up without any money, my mom did not work because she barely graduated high school. i made the cheerleading squad and an all star soccer squad only to be disappointed that we could not afford the fees. i want my children to have opportunities. my husband and i would also like to send our children to a private christian school. on his income alone, we could not do it.
i support people who decide to stay home and people that go to work. with good parenting, families can succeed. i know plenty of children that had parents stay home that are less than perfect! the point is that when women read posts that condem working, it really hurts them rather than helping them. instead people should be giving tips on how they did it, how to find great daycare, and how to maximize time and attention given to your child after work. to the original poster, i wish you good luck. i know that no matter how you decide to get through your situation, it will work out. all you need is to be committed to being a good parent.
i do disagree with a poster who pointed out that even though her husband works and makes good money, she works to have an extra 40k around to provide her children with "everything". (sorry i can't provide the exact quote.) children, in my very humble opinion, do not need everything. they want us. i'm sure many a child would happily sacrifice a couple of lego sets to simply have their mom present. financial necessity and personal sanity (to a point), i understand as justifications for mothers with young children entering the workforce. providing material possessions .... well, not so sure about that one. quote
this stinks that there is even a debate about this subject. if this is a site for nurses, than really we all have to work right? to respond to this poster, i would like to clarify. i do not think children should be handed everything. but i grew up without any money, my mom did not work because she barely graduated high school. i made the cheerleading squad and an all star soccer squad only to be disappointed that we could not afford the fees. i want my children to have opportunities. my husband and i would also like to send our children to a private christian school. on his income alone, we could not do it.
i support people who decide to stay home and people that go to work. with good parenting, families can succeed. i know plenty of children that had parents stay home that are less than perfect! the point is that when women read posts that condem working, it really hurts them rather than helping them. instead people should be giving tips on how they did it, how to find great daycare, and how to maximize time and attention given to your child after work. to the original poster, i wish you good luck. i know that no matter how you decide to get through your situation, it will work out. all you need is to be committed to being a good parent.
meredith
with god's help, anything is possible!
thanks meredith, i for one agree with you. it is not an easy decision either way, but once it has been made moms certainly don't need extra grief over it.
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
Not everyone who works is doing so just to get "extra legos" or needless material goods for the kids/ family.
Some do it for reasons you don't know or are not familiar with. Some do it cause they have to put food on the table or pay the mortgage. Not all women married men who can support the family on one paycheck. Not all who work as moms, are doing so to have the fancy, big house and SUV---for all those you see living this way, are many more who are literally living paycheck to paycheck, even as nurses. Some are married to disabled spouses unable to work......
Others are single parents who are either totally being stiffed by the kids' "father" (like my RN cousin) for child support or who lost their spouse to a tragic accident (like another unit secretary cousin)------ and have to work to support their kids and selves, or go on public assistance. Which is better?
Others, yes, they work because it keeps them sane; they need to get out of the house. Better that than a totally unhappy and angry mom at home all the time, if you ask me, from personal experience.........but...
Whatever, it's not up to me to judge them for that......one way or the other.
Maybe, the old "walk a mile in the other person's shoes" applies here. I am just saying, yes, in my perfect world, daycare would not be needed, and Lord knows, I have avoided it 90% of the time w/my kids. I despise daycare centers and want my kids home with ME. But it has not been easy to do it.
And, I am not going to get all judgemental on others who need it---for whatever reason. I don't walk in their shoes and don't know their life stories. We ought not be condemning others who use daycare, but concerning ourselves with having safe daycare out there for those who need it. JMO.
lady_jezebel
548 Posts
No problem. Finish school first, and then have a child while working full-time. You will be able to take family leave for a few months while you're a full-time employee, especially since you'll be working for the government. Legally, there is nothing an employer can do about this. Finally, return to work full-time after family leave -- I place my child in daycare & work nights, 3 12-hr shifts a week. He goes to daycare 3 days per week so that I can sleep -- he loves it & is learning a lot from the other kids. As a nurse, I have lots of time during the week with him & am not missing a thing.