I'm turning 30 this month and recently got married. I'm having maternal urges like I never have before in my life!
I know this isn't the right time for us though. My husband is in school and working FT and I'll be going back to school FT starting next fall to finish my masters (NP).
Problem is, I have to work for the government (who is funding my education) for 4 years FT after school. So, that puts me at roughly 37 or 38 y/o before I don't have any full time commitments. I'm just not sure when is the best time for us to have a baby. At first I was thinking this year, before I start back to school, but the thought of having an infant and FT school (FT work and PT school for my husband) sounds impossible.
Has anyone else had a similar experience? Where/how do you fit children into life as a working woman?
If I may add some opinion. I am not a nurse or becoming one but thought of it. I am 30 too and am having a child in a few weeks. I was told I could never get pregnant due to a medical condition so I was in the process of going back for my graduate degree. To be honest with you, I never pictured myself with children. I always wanted to travel and go back to school. I am happy to have a baby but scared out of my wits b/c this wasn't planned. I am in the same boat as you about what to do about school and when. If I were in your position, I would get my schooling done with b/c to me it would be so hard to go back to school. On the other hand, I can understand your eagerness to have a child. To me it is all about priorities. What has your husband said about it?
There are so many options with nursing which makes it a great career in my opinion. I was going to post about my dilemma b/c I am in a much rougher spot. I have a Business degree and hate what I do. I want to go back to become a toxicologist and got accepted to a program and was taking some classes to refresh and then I got pregnant. I know alot of people who work and have families and go to school. I could never do it so I am faced with the reality of maybe not going back to school. Also, now that I am having a baby I want a career that is flexible and condusive to having a family and toxicology may not offer this. This is one reason I have been feeling blue lately. But, I truly believe that all things happen for a reason.
I wish you luck and you will make the right decision for you. Life only goes around once and you have to make the best of it. I know mom's who are my friends and have Ph.D's and gave up their careers to be a domestic engineer (stay at home mom) and they couldn't be any happier. Go with you gut. At least you have your RN and can work a flexible schedule.
Seems like we're on opposite ends of the spectrum Aspenice. I don't have a choice about going back to school. I signed a 4 year contract with the federal government--they pay for the BS and MSN and I work for them for 4 years. Sounded pretty good when I signed (at 26 y/o), thinking I'd be done with school at 30 and done with my commitment at 34.
Buuuuttttt...I decided I needed some RN experience before going on for the NP portion (don't regret it), so now it pushes it all back another 2 years (I took a 2 year LOA).
I don't know--my husband thinks I should be happy to have such an opportunity. I have no student loans since they even give me a stipend to live on. Thing is, if I want out I owe it all back plus interest.
I have no family around, neither his nor mine. Don't know where I'll end up paying back the scholarship either. Husband agrees to help and thinks he will stay home with a baby when we have one. When the time comes, though, I'm not sure how much he will like the idea. He doesn't know the first thing about babies and doesn't realize it's a full time job! He actuallly thinks he can work FT from home and take care of a baby while I work FT. More likely, he would be working PT if at all.
Anyway, thanks for all the input from everyone. I think the best thing for us to do is wait until at least we are both done with school. I really don't think I can or should wait until I'm done working off my commitment with the gov't, but we'll see.
I might be able to shed some light onto your dilemma. I just finished my Master's Degree in August as a NP. It took me three years because my first week of school, I found out I was pregnant. I had my son two days after the second semester ended and took my final exams at home with a one week old infant. I was going full-time that year and working PT as an RN. The second and third years I was part-time at school, part-time at work, but mostly at home. I highly recommend part-time and he was a year old when I started clinicals back. The second year I took the research classes and did my thesis so I would not have to be away so long during clinicals. By the time I started the third year I only had two clinical courses left and it wasn't that bad and I still spend lots of time with my son. My husbands job is M-F, 8-6 and not family friendly as far as flexibility so I can't count on him to do childcare for the most part. My dilemma is that I can't find an NP position that is part-time like I could as an RN. Most of them are full-time and I just can't put him in FT day-care at this age (2 years). If I can't find anything in the next few months as an NP I am considering going back to work as an RN. It is not ideal, but my family is first and I will always have this degree but my child is only little one time. My advise: give up anything that ties you to something FT if you want to spend time with your child. Find out about child-care in your area, do you have family close (I didn't). I had a network of a hired baby-sitter, friends and at time my family would travel in a pinch with 2 days notice. Good luck and remember there is always time to get a degree in the future.
just wondered if you have thought about looking around for another NP that wants to work part-time and see if you can find somewhere that will let you guys "share" a full time position. 2 pediatricians that i worked for actually did that. both worked 2.5 days a week so they could still be at home with their kids. worked out well.
just wondered if you have thought about looking around for another NP that wants to work part-time and see if you can find somewhere that will let you guys "share" a full time position. 2 pediatricians that i worked for actually did that. both worked 2.5 days a week so they could still be at home with their kids. worked out well.
I would love to job share but don't the first thing about finding someone to job share with. All of my classmates wanted full-time, most of their children were out of the house or in high school. I don't know any doctors here because I traveled to another county to go to school and did my clinicals all over the state but never close to my home. Any suggestions?? Thanks for your reply.
That last sentence says it all . .. we've been discussing on other threads about how people "nowadays" don't realize that having children changes your life completely and forever. In good ways. But in ways that mean big changes in the way you lead your life.
Of course it is possible to work and have kids - but you can't expect life to be necessarily "easy". Your marriage changes after kids. Your life just changes. Babies don't sleep through the night. They need to eat every two to three hours. Diapers need changing. And that is just the beginning.
steph
this is exactly right! I think a lot of young people now (and i sitll kind of am one) just want a "baby". They want the attention and the showers and the cute things to dress the baby up in, and don't realize the hard work. YOU WILL NEVER SLEEP THE SAME ONCE YOU HAVE KIDS! :rotfl: Mommy ears take over and you start hearing every little sound. Also the babgy is only a baby for about 1-1.5 years then you have a bratty tot. I love kids and wouldn't change it for anything, but it is hard. Thankfully i was able to be a Stay at home mom since my daughters birth and i didn't start back to school until she was 3, and i didn't have to put here in ay sort of day care until she was 4. The most important thing is to have quality, reliable, SAFE child care arrangements. Parents that kive nearby or Siblings are nice to have as a support. It's hard trying to figure out when to start a family. Count the cost in money, energy and time before you decide. Good luck in your decision! :)
This is not the advice of a working woman, but it is the perspective of a 2nd year ADN studen who just had a baby. I had my son on May 12 during the 2.5 week break between spring and summer semesters and was back to school for the first day of classes, with a little help from friends and family (who bent over backwards to help me during the first 6 weeks when he wasn't old enough for daycare yet) after my son was born. He has been in daycare on the military post where my husband is stationed since he was 6 weeks 1 day old. I had a very hard time leaving him each day for the first couple weeks, but I don't anymore. His face lights up whenever he sees his lead teacher each morning, which makes me happy (but not as much as it lights up when he sees me, thank goodness!). I currently am taking 19 semester hours of credit while I finish my ADN and prerequisites for the BSN program I plan to start next fall. I know that the hours I put into my classes are beyond that of a full-time job but I also know that I am a good parent to my son, it is possible to balance both, I even managed to breastfeed until a couple weeks ago when I dried up due to the fact that we only have a 15 minute break during 8 hours of clinical, not enough time to pump. When I got pregnant (not on purpose) I didn't have any clue how I would do it, and honestly half-believed that I would not succeed and would end up having to start the program over again the following year, but when it's something that you want you find a way. I respect the previous posters' opinions about not leaving their children at daycares, but that choice was never for me. I love my son to distraction, but I would go absolutely bonkers if I stayed home with him, and contrary to what people kept telling me, he has now been at daycare for 3 months and has not been sick once (knock on wood). I went off on a tangent there, but my whole point is that it is possible to have a baby and be in a really difficult school or have a baby and return to work right away. As already referenced by a previous poster, I also receive an educational scholarship loan from the state and I owe them time served working full-time in the state after I graduate, but there are ways out of it and there are ways to defer it. If I go back to school, take maternity leave, experience a serious illness, etc., I can defer service in lieu of payments or payments themselves until such time as I can work again. I believe most programs are set up in that way. After all, if you had already received the monies from the scholarship and got pregnant, they couldn't force you to have an abortion to keep you working the entire 4 years after you graduate. I know people say this time and again, but it bears repeating, it will never be the right time for you to start a family, there will always be something that needs improvement. Whatever you decide, I hope it works out for you.
I've been working 60+ hours a week for a while now at my current job and fortunately have the flexibility to do a lot of it from home when the kids are sleeping. I just haven't slept for the past 9 years As long as you prioritize your kids, go to the school plays, soccer games and make special time for them every day you can do it. My kids are both happy, know they are loved and don't feel like they are missing out on mommy time. Good luck with whatever you decide.
On a side note....
I did, however, stay home with my oldest until about he was about 10 months and then went to school full time for 2 years. With my second son, I took 3 weeks off and went back full time working. I would have liked to stay home longer but I was in a car accident at 35 weeks and used most of my paid leave resting before he was born so he wouldn't be premature if I could help it. I had my surrodaughter in March and took 2 weeks off but I did work the day after I had her.
Wow. SNRachel, You have my respect, that's for sure! I'm amazed.
I think you're absolutely right--there never is the "right" time. I am a planner by nature, unfortunately, so I'm always trying to figure out exactly how life is going to work. Some things just can't be planned though and you just have to work with what you've got.
I'm sure whatever job I take will allow maternity leave even though I'm paying back the scholarship. Hopefully by that point my parents will live near by and be able to care for our baby. Or, maybe my husband will be a stay at home dad.
I think we'll probably just wait till school is done though. I'm just such a worry wort and keep thinking "what if it's too late?" Pretty silly considering I'm only 30. What will be, will be, right?
It is not possible to balance both that is a myth perpretrated by militant organizations like NOW. More time at school means less time with your child or vice versa. Your child lights up when he/she sees the dayvare provider is because the child sees her as the primary caregiver.
When I got pregnant (not on purpose) I didn't have any clue how I would do it, and honestly half-believed that I would not succeed and would end up having to start the program over again the following year, but when it's something that you want you find a way.
putting your needs above that of the child is not finding a way. You already stated your breast milk has dried up due to school. Are you starting to see who is suffering from the choices that you are making?
I went off on a tangent there, but my whole point is that it is possible to have a baby and be in a really difficult school or have a baby and return to work right away.
It seems that way to you because nothing in your life is changing your child is the one that is having to put up with the lack of nurturing, breastmilk, and comfort of home. You need to look at what damage you might be doing to your child in the long run.
If your child could talk do you really think it would say it wanted to go to daycare?
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
i really urge participants in these threads to think before posting judgmental comments that will not be helpful or are not particularly germane to the original topic. posting this way really borderlines terms of service violation---particularly picking apart another member's post and addressing it so judgmentally. this did nothing to help the original poster with her question or problem.
remember, lively, colorful debate is welcomed; directly attacking or flaming another is not.
also i ask we remember, some people work out of necessity, not just because they choose to--- and unless we live in their situations, we can't know what circumstances lead them to need/use daycare. each of us has to make the best choices for ourselves and families.
if you have a question, please refer to tos at the bottom of each page of the site or feel free to private message me, if need be. thanks for understanding.
As long as you prioritize your kids, go to the school plays, soccer games and make special time for them every day you can do it. My kids are both happy, know they are loved and don't feel like they are missing out on mommy time. Good luck with whatever you decide.
guest27716
143 Posts
If I may add some opinion. I am not a nurse or becoming one but thought of it. I am 30 too and am having a child in a few weeks. I was told I could never get pregnant due to a medical condition so I was in the process of going back for my graduate degree. To be honest with you, I never pictured myself with children. I always wanted to travel and go back to school. I am happy to have a baby but scared out of my wits b/c this wasn't planned. I am in the same boat as you about what to do about school and when. If I were in your position, I would get my schooling done with b/c to me it would be so hard to go back to school. On the other hand, I can understand your eagerness to have a child. To me it is all about priorities. What has your husband said about it?
There are so many options with nursing which makes it a great career in my opinion. I was going to post about my dilemma b/c I am in a much rougher spot. I have a Business degree and hate what I do. I want to go back to become a toxicologist and got accepted to a program and was taking some classes to refresh and then I got pregnant. I know alot of people who work and have families and go to school. I could never do it so I am faced with the reality of maybe not going back to school. Also, now that I am having a baby I want a career that is flexible and condusive to having a family and toxicology may not offer this. This is one reason I have been feeling blue lately. But, I truly believe that all things happen for a reason.
I wish you luck and you will make the right decision for you. Life only goes around once and you have to make the best of it. I know mom's who are my friends and have Ph.D's and gave up their careers to be a domestic engineer (stay at home mom) and they couldn't be any happier. Go with you gut. At least you have your RN and can work a flexible schedule.
Jenn