Children and career?

SmilingBluEyes · Sep 5, 2005

I don't mean to be negative but it's true: It will be extraordinarily hard.

You will have to figure out now who can be counted on to help you out with childcare, particularly after-hours.

Your schedule, particularly as an NP student and then NP, will keep you exceedingly busy.

As a staff nurse, I have the flexibility to work around my dh schedule. Meaning -----I work nights and weekends (yeck). You won't likely have that option as an NP student/NP later on.

I would figure out who will care for the baby while you work. You will have times that are painfully guilt-ridden, as you leave your baby to go to work. I went thru that in nursing school w/my son. I had no choice. I hated leaving him in daycare, even though it was with a trusted close friend.

When my dd was born, I determined I would use no day care. I live 2000 mi from any family ( we are military), so that made it necessary for me to work around dh's schedule, so I could be home w/the kids when he was not. One of us is with them 24/7.

Is there any way you can put off going to NP school til after you have a baby? Those first few months, especially, you will probably want to be home as much as possible. I know I sure did.

How flexible will your dh be? Will he be able to work around YOU to be home w/the baby?

If not, find your support system and begin communicating NOW, so you know what you will do when the challenges and long hours of NP training/clinicals and work as an NP start hitting home. Children don't just "fit in" ----they TAKE OVER your life. They alter it forever. It's all good, but a challenge, to say the least.

Good luck.

allnurses Guide · Sep 5, 2005

Deb's post is a good one.

I too found it extraordinarily difficult to leave my kids, when they were toddlers, in daycare and only did it for a little while after my divorce. I worked in a daycare setting in high school and the truth is that it is a job for the people who work there and not the same as caring for your own child. I can't imagine leaving an infant - they are basically glued to you for the first year. :)

I went back to school at 38 when my youngest started 1st grade. I also had my mom living with us who helped out alot. It was still hard.

Now I have a 4 year old and the truth is I wish I didn't work at all and could stay home. I work part-time fortunately and my in-laws are wonderful with my son. They live on a farm and he gets to ride tractors with grandpa and help grandma with her garden. They add so much to his life - they were thrilled when we told them that we were surprisingly preggers at 43 (me) and 48 (dh). They jumped up and danced in the kitchen while we sat there scared out of our minds. :chuckle

If you have supportive family nearby - it would make the decision easier. Sort of . . :)

steph

Ms.Hobbes · Sep 5, 2005

I have to agree with stevielynn and smiling blue eyes. Reliable childcare and working especially full time can be difficult. I think it is even harder when they are litte. My husband and I have struggled with this since having kids...now age 8 and 4. I have in the past worked my schedule around my husbands and I now currently work a job that does give me weekends and holidays off, I also work only 2 days a week. At this point in my career I basically make choices putting my kids first.

On the other end though, it is possible to work full time and have kids. You will need reliable day care , a solid back up day care and a very supportive husband. As Smiling blue eyes also said once you have the baby you will most likely want to be home with him for at least the first few months, not mention how tiring the baby and toddler years can be on a person.

So definitely establish a good support system. Many people have done it, but life is never the same after kids nor are the choice we make for our future.

acgemt · Sep 5, 2005

Are you able to go to school for your masters on a part-time basis, or take online classes? That way you would at least have more time at home for your baby. You have plenty of time to be a NP...you want to have a baby, and if you don't have all the time in the world to wait on, then go with your heart, and have the baby. If not, then you might always wonder what if....good luck to you

allnurses Guide · Sep 5, 2005

Many people have done it, but life is never the same after kids nor are the choice we make for our future.

That last sentence says it all . .. we've been discussing on other threads about how people "nowadays" don't realize that having children changes your life completely and forever. In good ways. But in ways that mean big changes in the way you lead your life.

Of course it is possible to work and have kids - but you can't expect life to be necessarily "easy". Your marriage changes after kids. Your life just changes. Babies don't sleep through the night. They need to eat every two to three hours. Diapers need changing. And that is just the beginning.

steph

FrumDoula · Sep 5, 2005

I'm turning 30 this month and recently got married. I'm having maternal urges like I never have before in my life!
Has anyone else had a similar experience? Where/how do you fit children into life as a working woman?

I have come to discover that work gets fit into my life. And children are the first priority.

As SBE says, children don't fit into your life. They consume it. And it's a wonderful thing, too, but something to take into account. I also agree with taking time to be there during the child's first few months, at LEAST.

My little girl is 6 weeks old today, and I simply can't imagine sending her to day care. She's still so LITTLE. I'm very thankful that my husband and I are making the necessary sacrifices to allow me a full-time job as a homemaker and mother. I've done the alternative, when my son was little, and it was rough.

Good luck in your decision-making. Please remember that school will always be there, but children are little for such a short time, and you can never have it back.

Alison

SmilingBluEyes · Sep 5, 2005

As babies they consume your life.

The do as teens, too, trust me!

Even MORE so. You never will have a carefree time once kids arrive. Teens need as much if not MORE supervision than smaller kids. I have been learning that big time.

JACKMAC · Sep 5, 2005

I might be able to shed some light onto your dilemma. I just finished my Master's Degree in August as a NP. It took me three years because my first week of school, I found out I was pregnant. I had my son two days after the second semester ended and took my final exams at home with a one week old infant. I was going full-time that year and working PT as an RN. The second and third years I was part-time at school, part-time at work, but mostly at home. I highly recommend part-time and he was a year old when I started clinicals back. The second year I took the research classes and did my thesis so I would not have to be away so long during clinicals. By the time I started the third year I only had two clinical courses left and it wasn't that bad and I still spend lots of time with my son. My husbands job is M-F, 8-6 and not family friendly as far as flexibility so I can't count on him to do childcare for the most part. My dilemma is that I can't find an NP position that is part-time like I could as an RN. Most of them are full-time and I just can't put him in FT day-care at this age (2 years). If I can't find anything in the next few months as an NP I am considering going back to work as an RN. It is not ideal, but my family is first and I will always have this degree but my child is only little one time. My advise: give up anything that ties you to something FT if you want to spend time with your child. Find out about child-care in your area, do you have family close (I didn't). I had a network of a hired baby-sitter, friends and at time my family would travel in a pinch with 2 days notice. Good luck and remember there is always time to get a degree in the future.

kellyo, LPN · Sep 5, 2005

I have a state government funded scholarship loan for my ADN program. I have to work full-time for two years after I graduate. Be sure to find out exatly what full time means. They may be able to defer your loan repayment for a few weeks/months while you are on maternity leave. My plan allows for time off if necessary for family/maternity leave.

SmilingBluEyes · Sep 5, 2005

the difficulty finding an NP position so many are encountering is what turned me away from the thought of pursuing an NP education. Seems we have so many PAs around----and dr. Few NPs where I am.

If I can't use my education fully, it's not worth it to me to pursue it and spend all that time and money to do so....I am unsure what I will do now.....

When pursuing any post-graduate education, You have to know your markets. Some places, NPs are not used as much---and in some places, are not paid much, either. Others, NPs run the show! (military hospitals and clinics LOVE them). You have to be realllllly committed to make it work.

And it CAN work-----but you may have to be willing to relocate to make it happen. I am just not willing to do that.

SmilingBluEyes · Sep 5, 2005

Anyhow, sorry Jayla. I did digress, didn't I?