Caught in the web of a workplace romance.

Blackheartednurse · Nov 4, 2009

Think twice before acting..the grass is always greener on the other side,NOT!!!!!! But seriously if you are facing maritial problems you first need to settle things between your husband and yourself before starting a new relationship.Be honest with yourself and others,good luck!!

TreehuggerRN · Nov 4, 2009

Please.....work through your marriage any way you can. Everyone these days tries to find an 'out' when the going gets tough. That's what marriage is. It's tough. The most important aspect of a marriage is commitment. Have you been through counseling? I do agree with many on this post that this "silver fox" could have a hidden past. Run from the temptation! Good luck.

What you say is true, but the situation isn't exactly one where the honeymoon is over and I've lost that loving feeling. It's been a very long hard 15 yrs. of unhappiness. For that matter, my husband is the one who cheated on me first, and I had all the ammunition I would have ever needed to mop the floor with him in a courtroom. So, this is all more complicated than it probably seems.

The silver fox guy, he is well known around these parts. A little eccentric and clingy, but who's looking for perfection? Doesn't matter anymore, and our ages are probably too far apart, anyway. I know and understand the situation I'm in, so I'm not a naieve little girl who doesn't see the light. I saw the light a long time ago, it's just terribly complicated because there is a lot to lose and children are involved.

The silver fox was just another passing fantasy. Just hope he doesn't read this. I'd never be able to face him again.

TreehuggerRN · Nov 4, 2009

And you know what else is weird? (and gross) Since I'm fairly sure no one here knows me or ever will, I'll take the chance and admit that it seems like I go through a cycle every month for a few days where I feel especially warm and fuzzy toward men in general. It's quite embarrassing, but I've noticed this pattern. I guess I can chalk my feelings up to this, partly.

tencat · Nov 4, 2009

Treehugger, let it go. A husband is one thing, but a family with kids is another entirely. Add to that the fact that you have to work with this dude, and it gets ugly quickly. Fantasize all you like, but I wouldn't act on it. You've got too much to lose professionally and personally.

Katie5 · Nov 4, 2009

Someone once told me," There are grounds for divorce in every marriage but it is also up to us to find and continue to find

the grounds for marriage".

It is is true that it is he who wears the shoes that knows where it pinches but be not so quick as to

throw your marriage away. There was something that brought you guys together in the first place.

And look at it again on this way, there are always two sides to a story...what is he(your husband feeling)?It may also simply

be a case of perception becoming reality. And in this case, what you think is happening, may not even be.

You owe it to yourself to give it the best shot and KNOW that you did.Goodluck:)

*ac* · Nov 4, 2009

It's sounds like you're done with this marriage. He cheated on you first? Does that mean that you've cheated on him in the past? Sounds like a lot of poison in the water.

I don't think we do kids any favors by staying in a bad marriage. After all, what do we want for them? Do we want them to grow up and have bad marriages? No, of course not, but that's what they're being shown as acceptable.

Wouldn't you want your adult child to stand up for themselves and their right to be happy? If so, then that is what you need to model for them. Remember, they learn far more from what we do than what we say.

Not_A_Hat_Person, RN · Nov 4, 2009

Don't poop where you eat.

makingitright · Nov 11, 2009

You are married and things aren't right, make it right or get out. Perhaps this man reminds you of better times with your hubby or perhaps there is something special about him that speaks to you and well you feel touched by that. You are setting yourself up for a whole lot of heartache, if you do not take care of first things first. You would not only be complicating your life, but the NP's as well. Sort yourself out first and then everything else will fall into place. What do you want? What is it that you really want? Those are the questions that you should be asking yourself, weigh the pros and cons of the situation and make a decision. Be it if you stay with your husband or decide to get a divorce and start a relationship with someone new.

Good luck to you!

hiddencatRN, BSN, RN · Nov 11, 2009

15 years is a long time to be unhappily married. You deserve better, even though you don't seem to realize it right now. While I think it's important to work on a marriage to make it work, life is to short to be stuck in an unhappy, unfixable marriage. Based on what you're writing here, it sounds like you're past the point of making things work. At some point you've convinced yourself that you deserve this unhappiness, and that you couldn't do better anyway, and that is just not true.

Take care of yourself. Maybe the benefit of this crush is that it will motivate you to take the steps you need to take to make yourself happy.

I wouldn't jump in to a relationship right now, married or not. You need to spend some time focusing on yourself, working through the self-esteem issues, and reflecting on why things aren't working with your husband. Dating could distract you from this, and you want to be able to come away from this experience with new wisdom.

I wish you the best. Take care of yourself.

Virgo_RN, BSN, RN · Nov 11, 2009

After experiencing my divorce a few years ago, I would highly recommend that anyone getting divorced stay single afterward for at least a year.

sanidadjay · Nov 11, 2009

I hope this is not one of those cases where..... Your husband is still happily married to you but You are not happily married to him because your eyes are focused on somone else other than to that same person who you have proudly promised God to be with.... in sickness and in health, for poorer or richer til death do your part......

[email protected]

Jiminocala · Nov 11, 2009

You have more than one issue here.

First, you don't even know if Mr. Fox is attracted to you. If not, then you have a crush which will go nowhere, and if you act on it, then you will cause a lot of trouble for yourself with zero chance of a payoff. And heck, you don't know what kind of guy Mr. Fox is, either. Maybe he is a player who will enjoy scoring a 30 year old, then cut you loose after you made some irrevocable decisions.

Second, your marriege: If you were happy, then you likely would never have given Mr. Fox a second look.

What of your husband? Where does he fit on the scale of 1) actually an OK guy who loves and respects you (and suspects nothing)? Or 10) is he an abusive, lazy, good-for-nothing, womanizing drunkard? Sounds like the Pain Scale, doesn't it? Is the pain you feel coming from him, or is it from within yourself?

I see you are thirty. and I don't see any mention of kids in your original remarks. So, do you have kids, or is it just you and the hubby? That will have a big impact on whatever you do, since you did make the critters and you owe them some kind of an intact family, at least while they are minors. It's not OK to go off with another guy and leave them in the dust.

Please figure this out before you make that irrevocable move.