Caught in the web of a workplace romance.

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I know it happens, I just never figured it would happen to me. I'm married (not happily) and I have been having warm fuzzy feelings for a single male NP who rounds here. I'm in my 30's and he is about 60 but he is very kind and dignified--silver fox. He is youthful and single and is looking for a partner. I am embarrassed but feel very drawn to him and it's even painful. :o:imbar I wonder if anyone can share their experience with a similar situation?

Specializes in AA&I, research,peds, radiation oncology.
What you say is true, but the situation isn't exactly one where the honeymoon is over and I've lost that loving feeling. It's been a very long hard 15 yrs. of unhappiness. For that matter, my husband is the one who cheated on me first, and I had all the ammunition I would have ever needed to mop the floor with him in a courtroom. So, this is all more complicated than it probably seems.

The silver fox guy, he is well known around these parts. A little eccentric and clingy, but who's looking for perfection? Doesn't matter anymore, and our ages are probably too far apart, anyway. I know and understand the situation I'm in, so I'm not a naieve little girl who doesn't see the light. I saw the light a long time ago, it's just terribly complicated because there is a lot to lose and children are involved.

The silver fox was just another passing fantasy. Just hope he doesn't read this. I'd never be able to face him again.

"Clingy? Well known around these parts? Who's looking for perfection?" It's known that the things we find "cute" early in a relationship are the things that get on our nerves later on.:angryfire

Do you really want someone whose "known"-I'm assuming he's a ladies man? I know I said to go for it in an earlier post but please be careful!! Take your time and work through, or end your marriage before moving on....you and your kids deserve it. :loveya:

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You have to decide what is it that you really want. I don't think its wise to get a divorce unless your marriage is just that terrible. I say work on your marriage but I also think you do need a friend (that is outside of your work place) to serve as an outlet in dealing with your marriage to make it stronger. Sometimes you need to cheat to see that the grass is not greener on the other side and to learn to appreciate what you have at hand. Don't ever leave something sure for something more.

This silver fox is just a picture, unless you have been with him already, you don't even know if he can satisfy you. He may be a big disappointment, and really he may not be into you as a married woman. As you stated he is an older man, do you really think he has the time to deal with and be serious about a younger, married, not respecting her vows, woman? As an older man he may just respect the fact that you are married. If he is really truely into you, he is not going to deal with you while you are a married woman. He is either going to wait until you become available or he is going to make sure that you get a divorce before he gets involved with you.

Getting a divorce and jumping into another relationship is not the answer, its a recipe for disaster. Find a low profiled friend across town that has nothing in common with you, have a good time in fantasy land every now and then to alleviate some stress, but stick with your man, Stay with you husband unless its just that bad.

If things are that bad in your marriage where you have to leave then leave on your own accord, not because some viagra dependent, silver fox, is looking tasty, at this present moment.

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What you say is true, but the situation isn't exactly one where the honeymoon is over and I've lost that loving feeling. It's been a very long hard 15 yrs. of unhappiness. For that matter, my husband is the one who cheated on me first, and I had all the ammunition I would have ever needed to mop the floor with him in a courtroom. So, this is all more complicated than it probably seems.

The silver fox guy, he is well known around these parts. A little eccentric and clingy, but who's looking for perfection? Doesn't matter anymore, and our ages are probably too far apart, anyway. I know and understand the situation I'm in, so I'm not a naieve little girl who doesn't see the light. I saw the light a long time ago, it's just terribly complicated because there is a lot to lose and children are involved.

The silver fox was just another passing fantasy. Just hope he doesn't read this. I'd never be able to face him again.

TreehuggerRN:

You need a side activity to: 1) get your mind off of this silver fox in the work place and 2) learn to deal with ur marriage. There is alot that is built on 15 years of marriage. That is a long hard battle and alot of time used putting up with someone's mess. You need some "me time" and some side action (it beats boozing and drugs). Maybe I read this post wrong, If you are 30 and been married for 15 years, it sounds like you were robbed of being a child. Don't get a divorce, finish raising your kids get them out the house then you can do whatever you please.

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Specializes in OB, Med/Surg ,Homecare, Teaching.
Seriously, what are you thinking?

This is a good way to get hurt, hurt others, and feel tremendously guilty.

PLEASE!!! Take it from someone who knows. All of the above is exactly what will happen if you choose to act on what you are considering. Nothing good can come of this and the negative consequences that a situation such as this are forever. I had to learn this the hard way, I sincerely hope you are smarter that I was. Take care.

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Specializes in ICU of all kinds, CVICU, Cath Lab, ER..

Let those of us who are sin-free.... so, I have been there and let me warn you....the only person who will pay for this "fun time" (and that is what it is - fun) is you.

Having said that, I can only say that I regret my affair....it nearly cost me my nursing job.....

Take a giant step backwards and open youir eyes! Do what is right! You won't regret it. God blrss

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Specializes in Renal; NICU.

I had experiences watching other people in my work places having affairs, and having to work together if it doesn't work out is a nightmare!!!

I would say Run, girl, Run like the wind! Recognize these are warm fuzzies and this man may not be a kind, loving treat to live with. Things are not always as they seem.

Take it from someone who knows.:cry:

Gosh, I sound just like Dear Abby!!!!

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what is an Np?

btw from my experience..the grass isnt really green on the other side of the fence.

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Specializes in LTC, Acute Care.
I guess you can think highly of him now.

Here is what happened at work this afternoon. I was in the conference room charting, and he brought his charts in and asked if he could sit down ( Oh wow, man, sure! Please do!) So, I'm sitting there with this stupid grin on my face, and then one of my coworkers comes in. We are all chatting and he just says, "You know how you can tell when a relationship is going in the right direction? Your friend buys a 4 cup coffee pot." Then he goes on to talk about meeting this woman he dated 40 yrs. ago and he felt really good about it...and he was talking about the church where they may eventually get married...yep, it sure let the wind out of my sails. I'm such a fool. I guess my little fantasy didn't consider whether or not he would even give me the time of day. I truly think he is a nice man. When he talks of his ex-wife he says nothing but good things about her. And he is so funny, I love his sense of humor.

I'm so ashamed. Who would want me, anyway? Oh well, back to daydreaming and wishing.

I know this is a slightly old post, but it got me thinking. Are you positive he wasn't fishing for your response, to see if you'd be bothered by the mention of another woman? If he's interested in you, he may think a 30-year-old wants nothing to do with HIM. I very happily have my own silver fox of 7 years, so I do remember some of the unique intricacies of the old fart/young chick volleying for evidence of mutual feelings.

(Disclaimer--it always is bad news bears to break up a marriage unless it deserves to be broken up, so don't do it unless necessary, and then only for your own happiness and sanity.)

But c'mon, why on earth are you so hard on yourself? Is someone being that hard on you for you, or are you putting it all on yourself?

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And you know what else is weird? (and gross) Since I'm fairly sure no one here knows me or ever will, I'll take the chance and admit that it seems like I go through a cycle every month for a few days where I feel especially warm and fuzzy toward men in general. It's quite embarrassing, but I've noticed this pattern. I guess I can chalk my feelings up to this, partly.

It's not so strange Treehugger RN, it's called hormones. I also go through this cycle, some days I get warm fuzzy feelings about any guy that smiles at me and the next day I hate every man in sight. I just take a moment to remember what time of the month I am in and tell myself to get over it or stay as far away from men as possible during those days. It helps me a lot that I have a loving husband to come home too, so my warm fuzzy feelings are never allowed to reach the stage of fantasies or crushes. Evening primrose oil is supposed to help with the hormonal changes during the month. I tried taking it consistently for a few months and definately felt more emotionally stable. Try checking it out. Regular exercise can also help you get rid of all of your pent up feelings and works better than any anti-depressive pill when it comes to improving mood! Go out for a walk, find a gym, you'll be amazed how just a little bit of movement can change your thoughts and feelings. Being more confident and satisfied with yourself will have an effect on your husband....he will start to remember what brought you two together. It is your life, you can decide if it will be happy or not. Start changing every negative thought to something positive, find something everyday that you like about you. Check out the book "The courage to be yourself".

Hugs and happy thoughts sent your way :)

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Specializes in School Nursing.

avoid him at all cost. hello....you are married. work on making your marriage better. workplace romances will ruin you.

praiser :heartbeat

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Specializes in Hospice, corrections, psychiatry, rehab, LTC.
A little eccentric and clingy, but who's looking for perfection?

I see hurricane flags flapping frantically in a gale when I read this. This tells me exactly why this guy is alone. "A little eccentric and clingy" turns into total nut job and control freak pretty quickly once you get in more deeply. These traits that you find so endearing now in small doses will push you over the edge after they become part of your daily life. This is a lot farther away from perfection than you need to be looking, IMO - and I'm a guy. Don't trade one miserable, unhappy situation for another.

Even if this were not a workplace situation involving one person who is married - which considerably complicates the situation - my advice would be the same. I have seen many people with these traits on mental health units, and I have seen how unhappy their spouses are. Don't go there. There are far better choices.

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Specializes in ICU.

If this relationship worked out with the silver fox, 1) the sex is never as good as you think it will be, 2) you will always be worried that he'll find another nurse who is attracted to him. It's just not worth it.

I've been there, and made the right decision, but it was rough. Talk to your husband. Get counseling if you need it.

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